


Royai Collections

by fullmetalscully



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Adventure, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, One Shot, Royai - Freeform, mixture of everything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 06:34:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 85,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16887447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullmetalscully/pseuds/fullmetalscully
Summary: a collection of royai one shots from either prompts or ideas that come to mefrom angst to fluff and everything in betweenif any apply, archive warnings will be in the notes of each chapter





	1. you don't mean anything to me // regret

**Author's Note:**

> just a random assortment of one shots that i will update from time to time whenever the mood strikes  
> updates will be sporadic but i plan on posting some on the lead up to christmas so what better to post this first one than now! get the ball rolling and all that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one came from tumblr  
> thank you yuripliscatsky!

She was angry. Worse than angry. The emotion consumed her entire being leaving her body shaking with it. Her hands clenched into fists by her side in an attempt to contain that anger but it was futile.

Her face was as schooled as ever. It gave nothing away as she and Jean Havoc listened to the wireless in his bunk. Riza didn't let it show the storm brewing inside of her just waiting to be unleashed. She would rain down fire on his head when she saw him again.

That's what he had done to those Ishvalans. He had killed them with her father's research. Research that she trusted him with to make this country a better place. To help the people.

There was talk of her being deployed out there too. She was only a cadet and wasn't old enough. Surely they wouldn't?

She was hurt. She was angry. But worst of all she felt betrayed.

Riza knew she had no right to criticize. If she was deployed like the rumours suggested then she would no doubt be killing people just like him.

The reality of that just hadn't set in she had trusted him.

And as soon as he got what he wanted from her he left.

Again.

No more. She would not put up with his bullshit anymore.

* * *

For a week she stewed. It didn't help that the rumours were in fact true and she was deployed. Tensions were high around the camps. It didn't help that she realised in two days' time she would be killing those innocent people just like he was.

The higher ups continued to talk about how pleased they were with the Flame Alchemist. What a great job he was doing. They laughed and joked about how the war definitely would be won now!

Riza just gripped her rifle tighter. Her knuckles went white.

And now as she watched the desert burn before her upon arriving in Ishval she knew how naive she had been.

And then she saw him.

After their initial meeting he sought her out once more while she was in her tent.

He had broken down then. Her anger had wavered slightly seeing the regret in his body and hearing it in his voice.

But only slightly.

She had trusted him. And this is what he had done with that trust.

"Riza, please… Say something."

There was only one thing she wanted to say. It dominated the forefront of her mind giving no access to any other thought.

"What do you want me to say, Sir?" Her tone was frigid even to her ears.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

Anger.

"Take your apologies elsewhere." Roy flinched and his hand retracted from her shoulder. "You had a choice and you did this." His face twisted in pain. "For that, you don't mean anything to me anymore."

And although she regretted saying it after seeing his body crumple to the floor she still walked out of that tent. Because if she didn't she would end up on the floor right there with him.


	2. monday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one stemmed from an au post I saw on tumblr and then blossomed into a (slightly adjusted) retelling of an episode of the x-files  
> you don’t need to have seen the episode or the series, don’t worry!

**_trapped in a bank  during a holdup au_ **

Central’s main bank was business as usual on this breezy autumn Monday. The tellers looked thoroughly bored. The customers even more so as they waited. The security guards lounged about chatting to one another rather than actually making sure premises was secure. Roy frowned. If they were MPs he would have them sent back to HQ faster than they could blink but this was private security.

Still, they should be doing their fucking jobs.

“Who crapped in your cereal this morning?” Havoc joked with a wry smile as he stormed into the office half an hour late.

He really didn’t need this right now.

“Shut it, Havoc.”

“Oh, _touchy_.”

He suppressed a growl of anger.

“Sir,” Hawkeye greeted him. He could just tell by the look on her face she was going to question his tardiness. Again, he really didn’t need this today. Because when he woke up he found his apartment flooded. His foot went straight into the soaking carpet, the squelching sound rousing him immediately from the last of his sleep.

What the _fuck_?

His morning was spent wading through his apartment, desperately trying to salvage as much as he good before yelling on the phone to the maintenance guy. Luckily nothing too important had been damaged. All his alchemy books were safe, thank god.

So yes, he was a grouchy bastard this morning. Especially now that he had to run to the bank on his lunch break and take out money so he could stay in a hotel tonight. Those in charge of military accommodation were fickle beings when it came to money but assured him his apartment would be fixed as soon as possible. “As soon as possible” could range from the end of the week to two weeks.

Either that or he pay for it himself. Stingy bastards. He had given so much for this military already. They weren’t getting another cent of his damn money.

Still bitter about wasting his lunch hour Roy sullenly drove to the bank. Central Bank was a magnificent building. It had been built over two hundred years ago. The architecture was stunning but Roy had no time for that today. He should probably have brought Hawkeye along but she was out of the office when he left and he couldn’t be bothered waiting.

Besides, this would only take ten minutes.

Ten minutes stretched onto thirty and Roy was only half way down the line. His foot tapped impatiently in the line as he checked his pocket watch.

Hawkeye was going to kill him.

And it looked like he would be going hungry today. Maybe Breda could swipe him a sandwich from the mess hall?

“Everybody,” someone announced from behind him. “Everybody get down!”

Roy turned, his brow furrowing in confusion. The shout came from somebody who was incredibly nervous. They stumbled over their words. However when Roy noticed the man, his stomach dropped. A gun was held in front of him – albeit it was shaking – and he was pointing it at every individual in the building.

“Don’t press any alarms,” he stuttered. “Or I will shoot you!”

First his apartment, now this.

God was up there fucking doubled over in laughter today.

No alarms sounded, only terrified gasps and cries. One woman pleaded with the assailant, only for a dark look to cross over his face, pointing the gun in her face, that nervousness clearly gone. The woman lowered herself down submissively but continued to cry.

_Shit!_

“You!” he barked, gun training on Roy. He froze in the movement of reaching for his pockets, where his gloves were. “Hands where I can see them!” Roy complied. “Does anyone know you are here?”

He could lie and say no. He hadn’t really told his team where he was going specifically. Just that he was going out. Plus, storming out of the room, his bad mood following him like a thunder cloud, left no room for them to ask.

Hawkeye would have asked though if she had been there.

He was such a dumbass.

“Yes. My team are arriving in ten minutes time.”

The assailant’s eyes widened. Licking his lips nervously he readjusted his grip on the fire arm.

It was a lie. But it might just save his life.

Before he could contemplate it any further the front door of the bank opened and very pissed looking Hawkeye walked in. Oh, she was definitely going to kill him. Roy’s eyes widened as the assailant turned towards the noise, gun shifting with him. His finger depressed the trigger slightly.

“Hawkeye!” He was unable to stop himself. His hands dove for his pockets but he never made it. His body jerked backwards as an immense force was applied to his left shoulder. Screams sounded around him. Hawkeye yelled. His vision swam as he fell backwards and hit the floor painfully. The action caused even more pain to erupt in his shoulder. Someone was crying very close to his head. Bodies surrounded him on the floor. Warmth and wetness seeped into his uniform jacket.

“Sir!” Hawkeye called. The desperation in her voice dragged him back from the greying circle that was surrounding his vision. He gasped, heaving in a breath despite his body fighting the painful movement. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t wrap his head around what had happened. Shock was setting into his being, blinding and deafening him to all that was happening in the bank.

A hand gripped his shoulder. Another clasped the fingers of his good arm. He turned his head and saw wide, terrified eyes staring back at him. Recognition was there too. They knew who he was. The hand curling around his fingers nudged them towards his pockets.

Right. His gloves.

“Stop right there or I will shoot you too!”

No. _No_. He couldn’t. Not Hawkeye. He couldn’t take her. His fingers twitched as he shuddered. The process was slow and arduous, the pain making him almost black out.

“Stop!”

“Can I at least help him? He is going to die!” A woman was above his head. Apparently permission had been granted by the assailant because his head was lifted gently and onto a set of thighs. The woman’s eyes stared back into his. She looked distraught. His eyes tried to shoot back to the action, but it was like they were coated in syrup. Every movement was such an effort.

Hawkeye was standing gun raised and poised to kill, pointing at the assailant. He was the same, but his hands were shaking.

Riza’s hands never shook. That had only happened in Ishval.

One night she had sought him out because it had become uncontrollable. He had grasped them tightly and held her while she tried to sleep. He ignored the tears that had stained his uniform. He ignored the way her breath shuddered as she cried. Instead he whispered to her about their shared time together in her father’s house. About that time he had successfully patched up the roof only to fall down the ladder and onto his ass. The first time he ever heard Riza laugh. About that time they had gotten lost in the forest behind her house and had stumbled back into the house after midnight, both exhausted but exhilarated after their “dangerous” adventure. They had shared a grin before parting ways to sleep. In the days following they had shared secretive looks about their time in the forest, whispering to each other about it so her father wouldn’t overhear their shenanigans.

The only thing was, that made her cry harder.

Roy found himself wanting that same feeling of holding her, content, back. Right now. As his blood seeped out of his body slowly, eyes zeroed in on the woman he loved he lamented about how he had never properly said the words he had wanted to for years. They were always in the forefront of his mind, just waiting to be spoken. What made it harder was she was constantly around.

By this point in their life, after ten years of being together, they both knew how the other felt.

But he needed to say it. He needed to tell her like he needed the air that was dragging past his lips right now.

Suddenly the events that had transpired that morning felt very trivial.

Hawkeye’s gaze flicked to his momentarily. He gasped as he saw the raw pain and terror in them. She was afraid for him. Hawkeye never looked afraid. _That_ was what worried him.

The assailant tore at his jacket, revealing a bomb strapped his chest.

Muffled screams filled the bank once more. People were sobbing outright now. Roy’s breathing stuttered. The hand on his shoulder tightened and the woman above rose a hand to her mouth in horror. The fingers wrapped around his twitched, pushing them right into his pockets this time while the assailant’s attention was diverted.

Right. His gloves.

“Put down the gun,” the assailant slowly commanded. His hand was already on the bomb around his chest. A flick of his fingers and the whole place would go up.

Well, he couldn’t let that happen. Too many people had died on his watch. No more.

The hand in his pocket helped him put his glove on as quickly as he dared. His vision was greying once again. _Shit_. This wasn’t good. He needed to concentrate. One wrong movement, one wrong through, could set them all alight.

He watched in horror as Hawkeye raised her hands in surrender. The assailant gripped his gun tighter, nervous. She lowered it to the ground and backed away slowly. Her eyes found his across the room. He was drifting too much to be able to see clearly the emotions within them.

“Can I have one last word with him?”

“Why?” he barked.

Riza’s face set in anger. “He is dying and he is my commanding officer. Please.”

Silence stretched out before them, seemingly unending. Or maybe it was just unending to him because of the pain wracking his body.

“Fine.”

“Sir?” Hawkeye called. “Can you hear me?”

“Yes,” he rasped.

This was dangerous. What was she thinking?

“I forgot to tell you. Isla came by the office and dropped off some files. She said she and Lorraine were thinking of going out for lunch. She wondered if you would like to join them?”

His pain addled brain heard their code and registered it. A smile played on his lips.

 _I love you too, Riza_.

“He’s not going anywhere,” the assailant replied nervously. His voice rose. “None of you are!”

Hawkeye’s eyes bored into his and he returned the same courtesy. If this all went wrong then the last thing he wanted to see was her.

He snapped, sucking out the oxygen from around the bomber. He gasped, hands flying to his throat. Riza scooped down low and shot him, incapacitating him. Screams echoed around the deathly silent room for a final time.

To give the guards their due, as soon as the assailant was on the ground they scrambled up and pounced on his prone form. If Roy wasn’t about to pass out he would have laughed.

 _Not so useless after all_.

“Sir!” Hawkeye cried and sprinted over to him. Falling to her knees her face was suddenly very close. Good. If he was going to die he wanted it to be near her. It was selfish. That would traumatise her. But common sense went out the window when you were shot, he discovered.

Someone else entered his field of view. His Lieutenant and the newcomer shared a few words.

“I’m a doctor.” Hawkeye nodded and moved out of his way as he placed pressure on his shoulder wound, barking at someone to phone an ambulance. Roy groaned and Hawkeye’s gaze snapped to the doctors. He could almost hear the growl on her lips.

“He is going to be fine,” the doctor assured Hawkeye. “The bullet exited cleanly. I just need to hold this pressure to stop him from losing too much blood. Once he is at the hospital he will get stitched up and be right as rain.”

Roy found his demeanour far too cheery for a situation like this. But he didn’t care because Riza Hawkeye was holding onto his hand for dear life, her thumb brushing his knuckles. He focussed on that sensation and that sensation only.

“I got your message Lieutenant. Loud and clear.”

Her lips quirked up into a smile, posture relaxing slightly. Sirens began to sound louder in the distance.

“You will be okay,” she breathed. “You will be okay.”

He chuckled but is sounded like a gasp. He was the one who was supposed to give orders, not her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so a different ending but that was because i wanted to up the angst ;)  
> named after the episode “monday” (6x14) of the x-files  
> go watch it because it is honestly one of my favourites


	3. stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love this song so much and i had to do a song fic for it  
> it just screams "roy leaving for the military" to me

**_We say goodbye in the pouring rain and I break down as you walk away_ **

* * *

"Take care, Mr. Mustang."

"You too, Miss Hawkeye."

It was a cold farewell, far from what she actually wanted to say. She had been waiting for the right time to tell him how she really felt, and this felt like it, but he was going away to join the military. With the gossip in town, it would be likely he would be called up to serve in the growing conflict in Ishval.

She may never see him again.

So why couldn't she tell Roy that she loved him?

Standing in the pouring rain outside her house, she had ran out the door with the words on her tongue, but they died when she looked into his eyes. They were sorrowful, but full of determination. He wanted this, despite her father's wishes. He had a purpose and Riza couldn't take that away from him.

So she composed herself and disguised her hurried approach, blaming it on the rain. He had even moved his umbrella over her head too, stepping closer so they were both shielded from the precipitation.

Damn him. He had always been so kind to her. Kinder than anyone else she knew.

It wasn't fair.

And now he was leaving her.

Riza was a survivor, but now she'd had a taste of companionship, of coming home to someone who was actually pleased to see you, she never wanted it to leave.

_She might never see him again._

A peck on the cheek was all she gave him. With a nod and - dare she say it - a blush on his cheeks he turned and left her standing in her garden, the heavy rain pelting her bare skin. She shivered but she didn't move.

Roy never turned around. He never looked back at her.

Why couldn't she say it? Why couldn't she find the words?

Please don't go.

I need you.

Stay with me.

_I love you._

Once he was finally out of sight the gravity of the situation hit her. She sunk to her knees on the concrete, the weeds she had helped Roy pull up during the summer already growing back and brushing against her skin.

Before Roy, Riza had nothing. Not really. Her mother was gone. Her father was only focussed on his alchemy. She had nothing to hold on to. Not then, not now.

She was lost without him.

She was just a lonely country girl, left to live with the ghost of her father in a dilapidated house they didn't have the money for to fix up. The weight of her anguish crushed her chest.

She briefly wondered if Roy felt any of this as tears fell down her cheeks. He had come from a loving family, so he had told her. His experience had been so vastly different to hers that is was hard to even imagine growing up with a parent to talk to. With someone to love.

She wondered if he felt anything similar to her. Riza wondered if he was aware of how it felt to let him go.

It would be all right, she told herself. She'd see him again. No matter how many times she repeated it, it never got any more convincing.

She wanted him to come running back.

She wanted him to change his mind and stay.

But he didn't.

"Stay... Please," she whispered into the rain, the water carrying her words down into the earth, never to be heard by Roy Mustang.

* * *

**_So you change your mind and say you're mine_ **

**_Don't leave tonight_ **

**_Stay_ **


	4. you saved my life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually completely forgot about this oneshot whoops but here you go another christmas present for all y'all  
> i hope you enjoy!  
> thank you for all the support this year!

**_“you saved my life”_ **

“Hayate!” Riza called into the forest. When she received no answer from her pup, Riza sighed. He was such a well behaved dog, he always came when she called, and that was why she was starting to grow concerned when he didn’t respond. She called his name again but a strong gust of wind carried her words away on the breeze. It wasn’t a fruitless endeavour, however, because she heard a very worrying whine.

She started off in the direction it had sounded from, her gait rushed. Why was her pup whining? Was he hurt? She found herself stepping off the woodland trail towards the cliff edge. She sucked in a deep breath, feeling the panic begin to rise within her. Riza’s pace was decidedly more frantic now.n

While living temporarily in Drachma for the year, Riza had found and taken in Black Hayate off the street. The poor dog was half dead when she found him cold, hungry, and terrifyingly thin on her doorstep one evening trying to shelter himself from the cold. That been last winter. Now, in the summer months, the forest trails were clear of snow but rain was prevalent most days. It remarkably had _not_ rained today and Riza was actively not acknowledging that fact out of the fear of jinxing the weather. It had, however, rained all through the night which is why her young pup had slid down this slope and got himself stranded on a ledge by a cliff face.

There he was in all his pathetic glory. Unharmed, thank goodness, but whining pitifully, covered in mud, and looking back up the muddy slope he’d just slid down. Trying to calm her heart rate, Riza placed her hands on her hips and smiled down at him in relief, shaking her head. She tried not to think about how just one wrong step could’ve sent him plunging into the angry ocean below. It wasn’t too far a fall, maybe about seven or eight feet, but the waves crashed against the rocks below, trying to beat them into submission.

He was okay, that’s what mattered.

“Did you slide all the way down there?” she asked her pup. He yipped in response, followed by a whine while his feet moved restlessly as he stared up at his master. “How did you even manage that?” she muttered to herself.

What she didn’t see, however, was the small ledge just above where Hayate was waiting patiently. It was hidden under the cover of moss and bracken. Riza only just noticed it as she made her way carefully down the slope. That was why he was stuck. Hopping down Hayate barked happily and brushed up against her legs.

“And now you’ve gotten mud all over my jeans. Thanks for that, boy.” The only response she received was him wagging his tail and his tongue lolling from his mouth.

“Here,” she announced, lifting the Shiba into her arms. “Stay still,” she laughed as he wriggled around, eventually settling his paws on her shoulder, staring out at the ocean behind her.

“Do you not like the ocean?” she asked him. He was shaking in her arms but she couldn’t be sure if it was because of the coldness that had begun to set into the air in the last half hour or so, or if it was out of fear of the expanse of water.

Perhaps he _didn’t_ like the water. He was always slightly skittish when it rained, which made sense based on how she had found him. Bath time was always a quick affair. He’d allow Riza to wash and rinse his fur but as soon as he was clean, he would hop out the bath, putting as much distance between himself and the tub as possible.

“Up you go.” Hayate fought to stay next to Riza, but she firmly placed him on the ledge just above her shoulder height. Preparing herself to climb back up, she was very aware of how narrow the ledge was she was standing on.

Pushing aside her nervousness, she reached up for a tree root that was dangling off the overhanging rock. It seemed steady enough. Gingerly, she tested her weight and slowly placed both feet on the exposed rock in front of her. She slowly walked herself up as Hayate watched one, letting out the occasional whine as he waited for her to reach safety.

The root Riza grabbed to pull herself up snapped. Then she was falling.

A sharp pain shot through her ankle as it hit something hard. She landed on the edge and the panic flying through her didn’t give Riza enough time to regain her balance or find purchase as her leg crumpled beneath her. Hayate barked endlessly as she toppled over the edge and down the raging sea below.

The cold was a shock to her system. On instinct she gasped from the sudden drop in temperature, allowing a large mouthful of seawater into her lungs. She choked under the water, completely disorientated as she water threw her around like a cat would a ball of yarn. It was merciless as she struggled, her chest burning with the lack of oxygen, eyes stinging from the salt. Something struck her cheek, causing her to gasp as a reaction, so more of the seawater was forced down her throat. If she could vomit, she would as the water begun to settle in her stomach and her lungs. The roar of the ocean filled her ears and it was so dark she was unable to figure out which way was up, and which way was down.

She could feel her energy sapping. Before long she knew she would be gone. The realisation sent a new surge of energy through her as Riza fought for her life, but she was already spent.

 _This is it_.

She would drown in the Drachman Sea while her dog barked above on the cliff face, unaware of her fate. She was worried about him. If Riza was gone there would be no one to look after her pup. She knew no one in this city. Not really. No one would miss her and no one would take care of her dog. She knew people through work but it was a strictly professional relationship. A woman named Rebecca had tried to make friends with her. Riza was polite and engaged in conversation, but her upbringing moulded her into someone who kept to themselves.

As Riza drifted off she was sure she felt herself moving again. The ocean was relentless once more, pulling her away from her dog and her consciousness.

* * *

Roy almost missed the sound of barking as he jogged along the trail. His music was blasting in his ears, the beat sounding to the time of his footsteps. He was on a roll and this run was feeling good, which made a nice change from recent weeks. He almost tripped over the small, mud covered, Shiba as they darted out from the bracken.

“Sorry buddy,” he told the black pup and continued on his way. A brief thought entered his head along the lines of wondering where the owner was, but he continued on his way regardless. The dog refused to let him go that easily. It ran alongside him, barking and nipping at his ankles.

“Hey. Hey! That hurts!” he cried, stopping his run and ripping out his headphones. The dog stood before him, barking away. It was restless for some reason, walking back a few steps before returning to him. “What? What is it?”

The dog whined and ran back a few feet before stopping to see if Roy was following. When he didn’t, they returned and barked once more.

“Where’s your owner, buddy?” More barking. The dog was relentless. “Is something wrong?”

It whined loudly, paws padding on the ground before running off once more.

 _If something_ is _wrong…_ He’d never forgive himself if he turned on the news tomorrow and saw a headline about a walker who’d died in these woods tonight.

With a sigh he jogged back. The cold air had begun to seep into his sweat drenched hoodie. The damp air clouded over him like a mist, cooling his flushed skin from the exercise. The dog, finally seeing the stranger was following it, darted back into the underbrush. Peering down the slope Roy saw the small ledge it was standing on, barking out towards the ocean.

A sinking feeling filled his gut. Had someone fallen down there? Carefully picking his way down the muddied slope he came to rest beside the dog, peering down into the dark water. He got a glimpse of blonde hair disappearing under the inky darkness as the waves swept it away suddenly.

“Oh shit. Oh, _shit_!” Someone _was_ down there! From the skid marks in the mud and the disturbance of the dirt he guessed they’d fallen.

Roy shrugged out of his hoodie and dropped it next to the dog. It looked up at him expectantly, continuing to whine with the occasional bark. The cool air hit his bare skin and Roy shivered.

The drop wasn’t far, maybe about seven or eight feet, but there were large rocks down at the bottom. Calculating the safest way down he crouched and lowered himself to a seated position, hopping down onto another ledge. On the left of that outcropping, there was a rock jutting out that he placed his foot on, edging his way down to a small beach that was hidden under the overhang of rock. The sandy beach was maybe about four feet in length, seven in width, but it would do for dragging the person out of the water. The sea water sprayed Roy as they hit the rocks before him. They formed a wall against the brunt of the water, but some still seeped through. Without another thought he hopped over them and into the freezing water. He hissed as a reaction, his body screaming at him to leave the water _immediately_ but he fought it as ice crept from his toes and up his legs. He tried not to think too much about it, opting to scan for another glimpse of blonde hair.

_There!_

He dove into the water and swam about six feet out into the water. He grabbed blindly, grasping the person’s upper arm tightly just as another wave crashed and pulled them both under. Luckily, Roy had anticipated this move from the ocean and took a deep breath. He used the momentum from the wave’s energy to let it carry them both towards the shore. Breaking the surface, Roy reached for a rock as they were passing, anchoring himself to it. Gasping for breath, he hauled the unconscious body up and out of the water.

The woman’s hair covered her face and her skin was deathly pale. There was no telling how long he had been under the water for. Her lips were blue and there was no movement from her chest. “Shit,” Roy muttered, dragging them both back towards the beach. His panicked, adrenalin filled state gave him strength he wasn’t aware he possessed as he tried to save this woman’s life. The dog was barking once more, but had found its way down to the beach.

Roy brushed the woman’s hair off her face. Placing a hand on her forehead and two fingers under her chin he tilted her head back, lowering his head down to her face to listen for any signs of life. Looking down her chest he saw no movement. No air hit his cheek either.

“Oh, fuck.” Roy had hoped for something, _anything_ , but the woman was dying. She wasn’t breathing and she’d no doubt be on her way towards suffering from hypothermia. Without hesitation Roy pinched her nose and formed a seal around her mouth, breathing air into her body.

Roy had never felt relief like it when she jerked and coughed on the fourth breath he’d given her. His hands were shaking as he placed one hand on her back and the other on her chin, forearm running down her torso in a vice grip hold and rolled her onto her side to allow the vomit to exit her mouth more easily so she didn’t choke on it. Seeing signs of life, the dog barked and placed its front paws on her legs, tail wagging furiously.

“Easy,” he soothed, rolling her back over and helping the woman sit up, she gripped his biceps tightly as coughs continued to wrack her body. “You’re okay. You’re safe now.” What was worrying was just how much she was shivering. He had nothing to give her in terms of providing warmth. He thought of his hoodie but –

The dog had carried it down with them. It lay on the sand within reach. “Good boy,” Roy praised, scratching the dog behind its ears. It yipped once, tail wagging.

The woman’s eyes opened slowly, and Roy found his attention caught in her brown eyes, scanning to see if they were focussed or not. Roy dipped his hand into the salt water behind him and gently wiped her face free of her stomach contents. His stomach turned as he wiped away the remnants of it, but it was mostly water anyway. The smell had begun to waft his way from the pile on the sand, but there wasn’t much he could do about that. Washing his hand a final time, he brushed more of her wet hair off her face.

“Are you okay?” A shiver caused her body to jerk. She opened her mouth to reply but it was just a croak. The salt water had done a number on it apparently so she just nodded. “I know that’s a stupid question.” Then he chuckled in both relief and disbelief. The woman sat watching him, violent shivers wracking her body.

She was alive. He’d saved her life without a thought, and Roy was quite proud of himself for that. All that lifeguard training he had taken as a teenager had paid off.

“Here,” he added. Roy retrieved his hoodie from the sand. Shaking the grainy substance off and brushing off twigs and leaves from the underbrush above Roy placed it over her head. It wasn’t ideal, it was sweaty, but it was better than her dying from the cold. She needed the warmth more than he did. Speaking of warmth, he’d begun to shiver uncontrollably himself. The adrenaline from after the rescue had begun to wear off and he felt incredibly shaky as he remained in a crouched position.

“Come on, we need to get you to a hospital.”

“Where am I?” she asked. Roy’s stomach dropped at how slurred her speech was. “Who are you?”

“My name is Roy. We’re in the Drachman Forest and you fell in the water. We need to get back up to the path. Can you stand?” The woman looked down at her legs, confused, before her head dipped forward and her eyes closed. That wasn’t good. “Hey, hey,” he called gently, shifting his weight to lessen the pressure on his legs. He placed a hand on her cheek, wincing at the colour difference. While his skin was pale from the effect of the cold, the woman’s skin was deathly pale. Gently he tilted her head so her eyes were meeting his.

“I’m tired,” she mumbled, body falling backwards. Roy caught her by placing one hand on her shoulder, gripping it tightly.

“Can you tell me your name?” he asked, lowering one arm under her knees and securing the other behind her back. He lifted her into his arms and moved over to the ledge he’d descended from. How was he going to get her back up there with her so unresponsive? “Hey, what’s your name?” he asked once more. She roused herself from the grip of unconsciousness. He needed to keep her awake for as long as possible.

“Riza,” she slurred.

“Riza? Okay, Riza, can you help me out here? We need to get back up to that ledge. Can you help me?”

“You saved my life,” she muttered, eyes closing. Her words sent a sensation he couldn’t name through his stomach. He would focus on that later. Right now she needed his help.

“Your dog technically did. Can you help me? Please?”

“He’s a good boy…” she trailed off.

“Can you help me, Riza?” he murmured, eyes scanning the cliff face in order to assess the best way to get back up to the path and to help. It was more a prayer than a question to the woman in his arms because it was too high for him to lift her up there himself.

“I’ll try…”

“Good.” That was all he needed. “I’m going to lift you up as high as I can.” A shiver wracked his body suddenly, jerking Riza in his arms. She appeared to have noticed but was slow on the uptake. “Can you grab it?”

Bless her, she did try. Roy had to shove her upwards and onto the overhang, securing her foot on the rock jutting out from the cliff face. It was a clumsy affair but she made it. She lay in the mud while Roy lifted the dog up, and then made his own way up. It was an effort to get his own fingers to work properly and support his weight. They burned with the cold and ached in pain as he gripped the rock tightly. He felt like he might vomit at the exertion.

“Are you okay?” someone called. Roy’s head snapped up the slope towards the path. A woman was standing at the edge, peering down worriedly. Riza’s dog barked at the stranger, as if trying to tell her they needed help.

“We need help!” Roy called back as he tried to stop his teeth from chattering together. “She fell in the water!”

“Oh my god,” the woman exclaimed to herself. She dug into her pockets frantically. “I’ll phone an ambulance! My car isn’t far. I have blankets there. I’ll go get them!”

“You’re cold too,” Riza mumbled into his chest. He cradled her body to him as he climbed the slope with great difficulty. Her head rested on his shoulder, her entire body in a constant state of shaking. He was no better off. The cool air from the sea wreaked havoc with his own body. The urge to vomit never really left him.

“I know, I pulled you out the water.”

“You saved my life?” she asked, head lifting from his shoulder as she tried – and failed – to look up at his face. Eventually her head tilted back once they reached the path. Roy pushed his legs to a jog, the muscles protesting loudly at the movements after their cold treatment. “You saved my life,” she breathed, head hitting his shoulder once more.

The woman was still on the phone when Roy met her along the path. In her arms were a bundle of blankets. Her own dog ran close by her heels, looking up at its master as she hurried, sensing the urgency.

“Here.” She wrapped a blanket around his shoulders once Roy slowed to a stop. “The ambulance is on its way. Should be here in a couple of minutes.”

Roy breathed a sigh of relief, both at the news and the warmth surrounding him. The woman wrapped Riza’s legs in a blanket, making sure her feet were covered once removing her sodden trainers.

“How is she?” she asked peering into Riza’s face worriedly. Another blankets was draped across her body, adding another layer of warmth to Roy.

“Cold,” Riza mumbled, another violent shiver wracking her body.

“I know, honey. The ambulance is on the way. Just hang in there.”

“You’re cold too,” Riza muttered, eyes still closed. “Why are you… wet?”

“I pulled you out of the water,” Roy explained once again, brow furrowing at the repetition. She was confused. He searched his mind frantically, trying to remember the symptoms of hypothermia.

“You saved my life. What’s your name?” Riza asked, head tipping back once more. Her eyelids opened with great effort, but she managed. In the distance, sirens reached his ears.

“Roy,” he revealed.

“Roy…” she trailed off. She shifted against him, turning her body to face his chest. A hand gripped his sodden t-shirt and Roy swallowed as he adjusted his grip to become more comfortable. This wasn’t a time to be thinking about such things, but he couldn’t help but enjoy the way she said his name. Something about that East Amestrian accent made it appealing to him. It was so different from the thick Drachman he heard day in and day out. It reminded him of his home.

“I think she’s passed out.” Riza’s body turned limp in his arms, the hand fisted in his t-shirt going slack. Fear and worry gripped him. Luckily, the ambulance pulled into the forest car park. Paramedics hopped out and moved towards them with purpose, another one pulling a stretcher out the back of the van.

“Do you know this woman?” one asked looking between Roy and the stranger.

“No,” the woman beside him replied. Roy offered Riza’s unconscious form to them, eager for them to help her. “I just phoned the ambulance and found them by the edge of the path. Roy here rescued her from the water.” His arms folded over his chest now that they were free as he tried to control his shivering.

“You entered the water?” the paramedics asked.

Roy nodded. “Yes. Her dog chased me down the path and brought me to her.” He looked around, spying the dog by the side of the stretcher.

“We would like to check you over as well then. Come with me, please.” Roy nodded and walked towards the back of the van, eyes lingering over Riza’s form. He shuddered as he watched them pull an oxygen mask over her face.

“Thank you for your help,” Roy called back to the woman, suddenly remembering to do so. She smiled tightly and nodded, gaze turning back to the person who was worse out of the two of them.

Roy didn’t expect them to load Riza into the back of the ambulance as quickly as they did. The paramedic had just finished wrapping him in blankets, instructing him to remove his wet clothing to speed up the process, when the stretcher came barrelling in beside him. Roy shifted his blanket laden legs to stop them from knocking out his kneecaps.

“Take it easy now, we’ve got you both.” The paramedic wrapped a band around his bicep to measure his blood pressure. “Can you tell me exactly what happened?”

So Roy began retelling the incident and how he had pulled Riza from the sea.

* * *

Riza opened her eyes to find herself in a hospital room.

Why… Why was she here? What had happened?

“Ah, you’re awake,” someone greeted her, tone pleased. Groggily, Riza looked down the bed to find a doctor standing at the foot of her bed. He tucked his clipboard under his arm and smiled warmly at her. “My name is Doctor Ramsey. How are you feeling?”

“Cold,” Riza replied truthfully. Although she was under a pile of blankets on the bed goosebumps still prickled her skin. The response triggered a memory in her head, but her mind was too foggy to concentrate on it.

“You were suffering from hypothermia when you were brought in. You’re in Marmansk State Hospital. Do you remember what happened to you?”

“I think… I fell. Did I fall in the water?”

The doctor nodded, noting something on his clipboard. He walked around the bed and pulled out a light. “I’m just going to check your pupil’s reactions, okay?” Riza nodded. “You fell in the Drachman Sea not too far from here. You were helped out of the water and brought here.”

Riza thought back to the last thing she remembered. There was something wet underneath her cheek, something soft yet solid. A heartbeat under her ear. Someone had carried her.

“ _I pulled you out of the water_.”

“ _You saved my life?_ ”

“ _Roy_.”

Roy… He had saved her life. She felt heat begin to burn in her cheeks, remembering of the way he had held her carefully in his arms as they moved. There had been another woman too, but Riza never found out her name.

“Everything looks good in there,” Doctor Ramsey announced cheerily.

“Do you know who it was that rescued me?”

“A man called Roy Mustang. He was discharged two days ago after being treated for mild hypothermia.” Riza’s stomach sank. She felt slightly guilty about that.

“How long have I been here for?”

“Three days.”

A disturbing thought just occurred to her. “I was out with my dog when I fell. Is he here?” Worry laced her words.

“Mr. Mustang took your dog home with him seeing as we cannot allow pets to stay in the hospital. He left this for you.” Doctor Ramsey placed a note on the table next to her bed and patted it once. “I’ll return shortly to monitor your condition once more. We’re optimistic though, you should be out of here in a couple of days. The bruising on your face has been healing nicely too, so there will be nothing to worry about.”

Riza remembered her face being struck as she was thrown about under the water. She swallowed thickly, the memory disturbing. She had almost _died_. No one would have known. No one would have cared. If Roy hadn’t come to her aid she would be a corpse lost in the frigid Drachman Sea.

“Thank you, Doctor.”

He smiled. “No problem. I’ll be back soon.”

Riza picked up the piece of paper apprehensively.

 

_Riza,_

_I’ve taken your dog to my place while you get better. They wouldn’t let him stay in the hospital. Feel free to come and collect him at any time. My address is 213 Ulitsa Street, Murmansk._

_I hope you get better soon._

_Roy_

Riza sighed in relief. Hayate was safe. He wasn’t running around, lost in the woods, like she worried.

* * *

“Easy, boy,” Roy admonished as the doorbell rang. For some reason he was all worked up at whoever was at the door. He ran in front of Roy, pawing at it and whining, looking at Roy expectantly. “Jeez,” Roy exclaimed, opening the door. “I’m opening it, calm –”

His sentence was cut off as he blinked in surprise. Riza stood on his front doorstep, hands shoved deep into her pockets. Her nose was buried by a large scarf and she wore a woolly hat which had been pulled down low in an attempt to cover as much skin as possible. A yellowing bruise poked out over the edge of the scarf.

He broke into a grin after recovering from his shock. “Hey! You’re all right!” He was more pleased about that fact than he cared to admit right now. He had been worrying about her for the past week.

“Uh, yeah,” she replied, cheeks turning a light shade of pink. “Hey, Hayate,” she greeted, kneeling down to pet her frantic dog.

“Ah, so that’s his name.”

Riza looked up at him, her scarf no longer covering her mouth. “Thank you for looking after him.”

“It was the least I could do to help.”

“You already saved my life.” Her cheeks turned pink once more and Roy grinned. That made her blush even more. She looked cute when she blushed, Roy noticed. “Thank you for that. I don’t know how I can ever repay you.”

“Seeing you up and about is thanks enough.” He grinned at her. “Would you like to come in for a coffee?”

She straightened, eyes searching his. The thought of her saying no dismayed him slightly, but he wouldn’t push it. Roy just wanted to know she really was okay. Visions and dreams of the woman before him drowning had plagued him for the last week. It hadn’t sit well with him at all.

“Yeah.” Hayate barked by her side and Riza smiled. “Sure.”


	5. soulmate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok for this one i apologise in advance for the angst but i also want you to know i am not sorry in the slightest :) you can thank the discord server for this idea (looking at you, strong chicken winry)  
> thanks for the push royai_mustang on twitter and waddiwasiwitch

 

**_soulmate_ **

Legend says that when two soulmates meet they instantly know who the other is. Many search for years without ever finding theirs. Others are brought together by chance. Some know who their soulmate is, but have yet to find them once again, having only passed each other by briefly in a single moment.

Before they find each other, the feeling each half experiences is a strong yearning. Until their soulmate is found that feeling never goes away. Two people only become aware of each other because once they meet, that deep rooted need dissipates in an instant. It is so intense that it is immediately noticeable.

That’s what happened to Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye.

When the girl opened the door for him it felt like all the air had been knocked out of his lungs. He panicked, the teenager not particularly enjoying the feeling of being unable to breathe. Riza gasped quietly across from him, eyes wide, but fearful. Before either could utter a word her father joined her at the door.

“Who is it Riza?” he asked gruffly, pushing the door apart further. Riza had relinquished her hold on it after realising her soulmate was before her.

Tearing his eyes away from the girl, Roy met his potential new master’s expectant gaze. The longer he took to reply, the deeper Berthold Hawkeye’s frown appeared to be.

“Roy Mustang,” he replied finally. “My Aunt Chris has been writing to you from Central? I’m here for the apprenticeship.”

Berthold studied him for a moment and Roy desperately wanted to return to meet Riza’s gaze, but he stood firm. He couldn’t stare at the man’s daughter while Berthold was sizing him up. That would not leave a good first impression.

“Come in.” He turned and left the two teenagers at the door.

“I –” Roy began, turning his attention to Riza.

“Come in, Mr. Mustang.” She beckoned him inside with an air of formality. He swallowed and picked up his suitcase, entering their home. “I’ll show you to your room.” She passed him and started up the worn staircase, eyes cast down.

“Shouldn’t we –”

“Please, Mr. Mustang. This way.”

Snapping his mouth shut he followed her to his room.

For the first couple of weeks they didn’t discuss the fact their two souls were tied together. In fact, Riza appeared to want to forget about it all together. Roy didn’t have much time to contemplate that fact while in her presence. His studies were so intense and exhausting that it left no room for discussion. At night he wanted to seek her out but as soon as his head hit the pillow he was asleep.

Berthold gave him one day off a week and that was a Sunday. The first Sunday he worked to catch up with assignments he had missed during the week. He would sit at the kitchen table working furiously throughout the day while Riza pottered about the house. Again, there was no chance to talk properly.

On the third week when he fell asleep with his head on the table, drooling on his paperwork, Riza spoke to him properly for the first time.

“Mr. Mustang?” she called cautiously.

Roy grunted quietly in response but didn’t wake.

“Mr. Mustang?” she tried again, inching closer and giving his shoulder a poke. After getting no response again, she raised her voice, bringing her head close to his face. “Mr. Mustang!”

Roy’s head snapped up, piece of paper stuck to his face. Snatching it off his face, he felt heat creep up into his face as he looked into her eyes.

“You were asleep.”

“Uh… I guess I was,” he replied sheepishly. He gathered his pages together once more and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He expected a lot of work but this workload blew those expectations out of the water. This was literally eating, sleeping, and breathing alchemy.

“My father likes to push his apprentices hard in the beginning,” she informs him quietly, stepping up to the sink to wash the dishes from lunch. Roy turned to look at her back, surprised. This was the most she had spoken to him since his arrival. He sure as hell wasn’t going to waste it. “He likes to overload them to see if they have what it takes.”

Roy snapped his mouth shut, which had been hanging open. He clenched his fist in determination. “I _do_ have what it takes. I’ll prove it to him, no problem.”

Riza paused in her washing for a moment before continuing once more. Roy might have been dreaming, but he could have sworn he saw her shoulders relax slightly. Her voice softened. “Don’t let him catch you sleeping, then.”

Roy grinned at her back, swivelling back around in his chair. “Right!” Picking up his pen to write, he paused once more. “Thank you.”

Not much else was said on the matter, but the silence that hung between them didn’t appear to be as awkward as before.

* * *

Not much is known about soulmates. Scientists have studied it for years, but no real progress can be made because it is something that simply cannot be measured accurately. It just _is_. It’s the way of the universe and no one really questions it. The same goes for alchemy.

Since both souls are tied together, whether it is through love or through platonic friendship, feelings become shared. Love is intensified. Their friendship becomes strong companionship.

The worst part, though, is the pain.

Religious leaders theorise it is their God’s way of reminding the couple that they are tied together indefinitely and that they must love and protect each other always. Those who do not believe in religious reasoning insist it is a way for people to live in harmony. If everyone is tied to someone in that way then fighting between humans would stop. To put it simply, nobody would want to get hurt because it would hurt their soulmate.

In theory.

In an ideal world.

Of course, the human race always has that burning need for war, so that reasoning was ruled out years ago. Ever since Xerxes disappeared overnight. Science has yet to determine another solid reasoning since then, having just accepted the concept as it is, just two souls tied together. It had been replaced by alchemy, no longer holding the interest of the majority of the scientific community.

In order to maintain efficiency of the military, only those who have yet to discover their soulmate can enlist. If they have, only one half can join, leaving the other sitting at home, wondering if their significant other would die that day, and they would feel it happening, but not be able to do a damn thing about it. It wouldn’t do if both halves of the soul were fighting in the same war, only to have one soldier die, leaving another unable to function. After all, why lose two soldiers when you could only lose one?

So when Roy joined, it wasn’t an issue. He loathed to leave Riza, but he had great ambitions and she told him to go. He never dreamed he would see her in Ishval. How had she even gotten _in_ the military? She had to have lied. But… why? She knew what could happen if they were caught. She knew the penalty. The threat of Riza Hawkeye being court martialled almost made him vomit every day. Since she was the second to join – a couple of years after him – she would be the one who was punished because she already knew the consequences but did it anyway. Then where would he be? If she was killed he would be useless. Of course, he discovered in Ishval that he loved her so much that, regardless of being soulmates, he would be useless without her anyway.

He had first discovered it after she made her first kill. As kids they never spoke about the bond they shared. The only time it had been brought up was at her father’s funeral. In all the years they had been together, _that_ was the first time they had a serious conversation regarding their soulmate status. So when he had found her looking dazed and wandering through the camp, he pulled her aside to talk. He could see her emotional pain no mater how much Riza tried to hide it. He could see how much she was struggling with taking another life. Of course he needed to talk to her.

The legend says that once you accept your love for the other person – whether it is romantic or platonic – that is when you begin to experience what the other is feeling. The _only_ thing Roy Mustang needed to do was not fall in love with Riza Hawkeye and everything would be fine. But he had ruined it. How could he not fall in love with her when she was crying in his sandy tent in that warzone, clinging to him so tightly? How could he not, when all he wanted to do was take away all her pain and suffering and protect her from it all. She was here because of _his_ dream. Roy had caused this.

That was when he fell in love with Riza Hawkeye.

It was a love so intense and so extreme that it took his breath away once more. Riza stilled upon realising it, looking up from Roy’s hold and into his eyes. Nothing needed to be said. They both knew the gravity of their situation. So Roy placed her head back on his shoulder and held her until it was dark. He didn’t miss the way she curled in on herself, pressing her body against his to draw them even closer together.

They didn’t discuss that moment ever again. He didn’t see her much in Ishval, but there was always the constant worry, the constant anticipation, in the back of his mind that she might be killed. The same ran through her mind. She had berated him hard enough when he had been shot by the Ishvallan, but it was only because Riza had been scared. She didn’t know how to properly react to the thought of him dying, so she lashed out at him.

When he burned her back that was the first time they realised they shared the same pain.

In Ishval they were both so dejected and traumatised they didn’t really notice that they were sharing the same feelings. Those two feelings were both prevalent for the two souls already.

But burning her back…

“Are you ready?” Roy asked, swallowing hard. He looked at her back, marvelling at its smoothness and ignoring the tattoo marring her skin. When he saw it the first time he felt ill. Then he felt anger. Riza had soothed him, understanding his anger while neglecting to inform Roy that she felt it also.

“I wanted to make him proud,” she had told him, eyes cast down as they had done so often when her father was alive.

“Yes,” Riza breathed shivering against the cool air in the room. Roy felt his own skin prickle as a draught blew into the room, despite the fact he was wearing his military blues. He chalked it up to what he was about to do, rather than the room temperature.

“Please,” Riza whispered, throwing Roy off. “Please free me from this burden.”

“Right,” Roy replied, shifting his stance and readying himself once more. “I love you, Riza,” he whispered. She nodded, repeating the sentiment back to him.

Riza clutched the pillow she was holding tightly a second before he snapped. Roy watched her do it and it tore at his chest. However all thought of that flew out of his mind a second later. It took him a bit to register it but then his own screams mixed in with hers as his entire back erupted in pain. He gasped and fell to his knees on the floor. Pain seared his back. His left shoulder felt like it was on fire.

Just like Riza’s… The thought was brief and through the fog of pain Roy couldn’t cling on to it.

Roy’s body convulsed on the floor as pain wracked his body. What was this? Why was he in so much _pain_? His flesh burned as his vision turned a blinding white. He was struggling to breathe. His throat closed off and no air entered his lungs.

He blacked out.

“Roy…” Riza croaked, inching over to him while still on the bed. He heard it briefly through his consciousness.

His eyes popped open and he gasped. The pain on his back had lessened, but only slightly. It stung with such a ferocity it still felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“Roy, are you okay?” she gasped from above him.

He groaned, rolling over onto his right side in an attempt to stand.

“What happened?” he panted, propping himself up onto his knees. Riza remained on the bed, face contorted in pain. Despite everything she was still trying to make sure he was okay.

“You –” Riza grit her teeth as another wave of pain washed over her. Roy fell back to his knees, one hand on the bed to catch himself. He experienced his own pain rushing through him… But _why_? “You passed out.”

Pushing through the pain he rose to his feet and sat heavily on the bed. One look at Riza’s back caused bile to rise in his throat. On her left shoulder blade the skin was puckered and blistered already. The angry red colour of her freshly burnt skin jumped out at him, the sight shooting pain right into his heart.

“Roy.” His eyes snapped up to hers. Sweat covered her skin and her expression was still pained, breathing heavy as she tried to control it. “What happened?”

“I – I don’t know,” he replied. He winced at the pain on his left. “As soon as I snapped I felt this pain on my back –” He cut himself off, his eyes widening in a perfect mirror of Riza’s.

When researching it before Roy left for the military – they didn’t find much in the town library – they discovered that after admitting their love for the other person soulmates begin to share feelings with one another. A little fact both of them had overlooked leading up to this event. After all, they both shared the exact same feelings in Ishval that they never had cause to remember it. Riza had never mentioned feeling any pain when he had been shot. Perhaps she had been too scared to admit it.

“You could feel it?” Riza gasped, body shaking.

“I still can.” He fell forward slightly, bracing his hands on the mattress to catch himself while Riza groaned in pain. “I’m so sorry,” he gasped.

“Roy,” she whispered.

“I’m so _sorry_.”

Her hand gripped his tightly. “I wanted this.”

“But I’ve hurt you so much.” They both knew he wasn’t just referring to burning her back. He had betrayed the trust she had put in him when revealing her back. He had preached about using for alchemy for good, promising he would do so, but he had only used it to murder.

“You made a promise to me. In Ishval.” Her breath caught and they both experienced another wave of pain as a draught blew through the room, caressing Riza’s exposed and burnt skin torturously. Roy stood shakily, swaying on his feet. He grit his teeth but moved to draw the curtains then slam the door shut. He was breathing heavily after completing his task. It was an effort even to remain upright in this amount of pain.

“Roy, you made a promise,” Riza mumbled, the exhaustion of the situation taking its toll her. “Do you remember it?”

“I’d make it to the top.” He grit his teeth, returning to the bed. “I would put a stop to Bradley’s rule to stop this from happening again.” His teeth ground together even harder. “We would make this world a better place together.”

“Do it, please.” Her hand latched onto his again. “Forget this. I wanted you to do this to me, remember that.”

“How can I forget?” he whispered, desolate. “I _burned_ you,” he choked.

“Because you’ll promise me that you will.”

“Riza…”

“Do it. Now. Otherwise I can’t follow you.”

That thought terrified him most of all.

“I promise.”

Riza relaxed, her body sagging. “Thank you.” Her eyes closed, shielding the true pain she felt from him. Not that it hid anything, he could feel her own pain as clear as day.

When she lost consciousness Roy gasped in relief, the pain on his back disappearing as quickly as it had come to him. He looked down at her face, partly in grief, partly in wonder. So, it seemed that if one of them was to fall unconscious then the pain disappeared.

Well, that was one blessing of this whole mess.

His body was an extension of hers, and vice versa. That was the true meaning of soulmates. They were tied together in every way shape and form. It was more of a blessing than a curse for normal people. For them, it was a curse.

* * *

In their current situation, of course, they pretended they weren’t soulmates. It put to rest any rumours about them because not even a straight laced soldier like Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye would join the military and work under her soulmate. She was too by the book to do that. Roy Mustang was a womanizer, proclaiming frequently he was simply searching for his soulmate with that smirk that made all those woman swoon.

It made him feel nauseous.

Being so close to Riza at all times and being unable to do anything about it plagued him daily. She had always been very good at hiding her feelings. Roy, on the other hand, had not, but he had done it for her. That reminder that she would be court martialled for even working with him hung over his head every day.

When the homunculi appeared their cover was almost blown.

Roy choked as he ascended the stairs to the bell tower, a hand flying to his throat as he crashed heavily into the wall. Whatever was attacking Riza was killing her. His throat burned but he pushed onwards and upwards.

The pressure on his neck loosened suddenly and he gaped loudly, sucking in oxygen. Barking then childlike shouts echoed down the stairwell. _Hayate_. He would make that dog a General if he could. _Good boy, Hayate_. As soon as he laid eyes on the homunculus he didn’t hesitate, Roy sent that thing out of the window so fast it was gone in the blink of an eye.

He had been lucky no other members of the team had been around as he made his way up to her position otherwise his secret would have been given away. His team were loyal to them both and there was no doubt in his mind that they wouldn’t breathe a word. Hell, they probably already knew, but Roy knew they weren’t stupid enough to ever bring it up. There was no telling who would be listening.

Again, his main worry was for Riza. After Ishval they wouldn’t harm the famous Flame Alchemist. It would upset the public too much so they would punish the Hawk’s Eye instead, as sickening as that sounded. They wouldn’t kill the Hero of Ishval, a national symbol.

So, Roy’s only thoughts after being stabbed by Lust was how it would affect Riza. His side was in agony as he closed the wound. He almost passed out and if Lust was heading towards Riza now he needed her to be at her full strength until he arrived. Plus, the last thing he needed was for them to discover they were soulmates. That would make things ten times more difficult and they would be used against each other.

As he lay on that white floor, eyes finding Riza’s wet ones, he smiled. The threat was gone for the moment and she was unharmed. Roy, on the other hand, felt his pain flare up as blood seeped for his wound. It had opened up after he had fallen.

“Does he know?” Roy whispered quietly after Alphonse left the room to run for help for Havoc. His face contorted in pain and Riza’s grip on his hand tightened in response. From the pained look in her face, Roy knew she was feeling it too. Subconsciously a hand rose to her side, gripping the same spot he had been stabbed.

“Yes.”

Roy stiffened but sighed. He would need to have a discussion with Alphonse about this. It couldn’t get out.

“He won’t tell anyone,” Riza replied softly.

“Why?” he asked, wincing in pain.

“Because he knows just how much is at stake.” Her cryptic message was too much for him to figure out right now. He would just trust Riza would fill him in later.

* * *

“I won’t kill her,” Bradley added conversationally, as if discussing the weather. “If I did you would become useless.”

Roy felt his stomach drop. He had become complacent with Riza as his soulmate. They played their game so well that no one even had an inkling they were connected to one another. Rumours had stopped and moved onto something else, taking the attention away from them both. Once this had happened, Roy relaxed and that was the biggest mistake of them all. It was only once Bradley revealed he knew all about their little secret did Roy feel that fresh terror return.

 He had researched soulmates in more recent years, using Central Library to his full advantage. If Riza was to die it would feel like he had truly lost a part of himself, like losing a limb. He would cease to function anywhere from a short to a long period of time. Some went insane after losing their loved ones, others simply shut down. That feeling of grief and hopelessness never truly went away.

“And we need you to be useful, Mustang,” the Fuhrer warned, his one eye training on Roy. “Make no mistake, though. If you step a foot out of line then we will kill her, whether we need you functioning or not. At least then we won’t need to worry about you sneaking around if you’re incapacitated.”

They would kill Riza just to keep him in line. If he lost her… He would be a shell of his former self, there was no doubt in his mind about that. No will to live, no drive to fight them…

This truly was a curse for them both.

It should be happy, it should be wonderful… But after what they had done in Ishval, Roy and Riza knew they didn’t deserve it. This soulmates curse was just another punishment for their sins.

* * *

“Lieutenant!” he screamed. His own neck burned with pain but he could hardly care. The only thought was that she was _dying_ and he needed to do something to stop it. He could feel what she was feeling, he knew how much it hurt. Her eyes met his and he could see the determination in hers, he could even feel a sliver of it residing in his chest, but she could also feel the desperation in him.

That’s why they never really communicated what they were feeling. They always knew what the other was experiencing. It did, however, mean that no matter how much she downplayed her injuries to her fellow officers in order for them not to worry about her, Roy knew exactly how she was feeling. Riza used that to her advantage, downplaying it to him. They couldn’t reveal the fact they were soulmates so whenever she assured him she was fine, and Roy knew she _really_ wasn’t, he just had to accept it and move on.

He wouldn’t do that now.

“I won’t die,” she breathed into the room. “I’m under strict orders not to die.”

He _wanted_ to believe her but he could feel the pain in his neck lessening. She was fading from consciousness and didn’t have much time left. Panic seized him and he heard Riza gasp in response. He strained forward as far as he could, needing to be as close to her as possible. He needed to hold her. He needed to _help_ her.

“We knew she was the one,” the doctor replied gleefully. “Now, all you need to do is open the portal and she will be fine. You can save both her life and yours because once she’s gone…” he laughed maniacally before his voice turned deadly. “You will be _useless_.”

Her eyes slid up towards the ceiling before blinking closed for longer than usual. Roy’s heart leapt into his throat as he thought she had passed out.

“Lieutenant, open your eyes!” he commanded desperately. “No,” Roy whispered. He was transported back to years ago when he burned Riza’ back. When she passed out his pain disappeared. Now, watching her eyes flutter closed despite her bravado about being ordered not to die, he no longer felt the pain in his neck.

She was almost gone.

“Lieutenant!” he screamed. The grip on his right arm loosened. Eyes snapping up he saw one of the Xingese girl’s knives embedded in the arm of his captor. Wrenching his arm free he grabbed the sword, stabbing the other in the leg. In a burst of energy he was on his feet. The pain that had disappeared from his neck was all that fuelled him. Despite how awful it felt, despite the fact it would hurt Riza, he would do anything to bring that pain back right now. If he brought it back that meant she was still conscious and one step further away from death than she was now.

Gathering her up into his arms Roy begged her to open her eyes. There was an impending feeling of finality creeping up on him.

“Lieutenant, please, open your eyes!” he called, giving her body a squeeze. “You have to wake up. We promised we would fight this together.” Roy swallowed past the lump in his throat. “You promised you would stay by my side. You can’t leave now.”

Nothing.

“I’m nothing without you.”

“Let me help!” Mei Chang commanded. She threw her knifes down and within a couple of seconds she had performed a transmutation. Roy gasped as pain flared in his neck, but it was duller than before. He winced, a hand automatically flying up to the affected area, but the relief he felt overcame it all.

He scooped Riza into his arms, burying his face in her hair. He breathed in her scent, feeling her chest rise and fall with her breaths. She was _alive_.

The worst of it was over for the moment.

Or that was what he thought.

As if fate or god or _whoever_ didn’t think it was hilarious enough already to pin them as soulmates, they didn’t even get a chance to rest. Bradley pounced on him without a moment’s hesitation and Roy’s fear intensified both from his own and from Riza’s. This was the first time he had felt such a raw emotion coming from her. She rarely showed it, even to him. Emotions were easy to bury when it mattered. He had only ever been privy to her pain.

One thing he didn’t count on was what would happen after he opened the gate. When the swords pierced his hands he heard her gasp, the sound echoing his own strangled yell. Their screams mixed once more as it felt like his body was being torn apart to go through the gate.

“Colonel!” Riza screamed for him as pain enveloped his entire body.

Then it was gone.

* * *

“Colonel,” he heard Riza whisper to his right. “Your eyes…”

“Are you all right, Lieutenant?”

The battle with Father was over. They had been taken to a military hospital nearby and patched up. That hadn’t been pleasant as Roy felt every time the needle pierced Riza’s skin as she got the stitches on her neck. He simply lay in bed, staring up at a ceiling he couldn’t see while his hands were clenched by his side.

Silence. His heart beat wildly in his chest in anticipation. His hands reached out for her, needing to feel she was there and that she was all right. The pain was still present in his neck, so he knew she was alive, but he needed to confirm it.

“I’m all right.”

He breathed in response, relief flooding his body. Riza grabbed his hand tightly, giving it a squeeze to reassure him that she understood his concern. They were soulmates, after all. She could feel the relief he was experiencing right now and the panic that had swelled within him when she didn’t reply right away.

“My wound will heal nicely, they said. All thanks to Mei.”

“Good.” Silence fell once more as Roy formulated his next question. He had so many he needed answered so he decided to get the most important ones out of the way first. “Did you feel it?”

“Sir?”

“Did you feel any pain… when I lost my eyesight?” Riza remained quiet, the silence eating at him. “Riza…”

“I did.”

Roy stiffened. “How bad was it?”

God, he wanted to look at her face to see her eyes. Emotions were shared between soulmates but they were easy to hide. Riza had been doing it for years. Pain, however, was not easy to hide, that was why it was so prevalent in every soulmate bond. In a time when he needed to see just how much it had affected her, he couldn’t.

That was what he had been focussed on for so long, after all, just how much his pain would affect her without any real concern for himself.

“It stung. My head…” Roy squeezed her hand, prompting her to continue. They always knew how the other was feeling so never needed to relay it back out loud. This was something new for Riza but Roy was extremely grateful that she was doing this for him, especially now when he couldn’t pick up on her cues. “It felt like a headache. Like a stabbing pain behind my eyes.”

“I’m sorry.”

Riza sighed in frustration. “There is nothing to apologise for. What happened to me… Well, that was much worse.”

“I thought you’d died.” Roy swallowed. When the feeling of grief threatened to overwhelm him he felt both Riza’s hands grasp him and she exhaled. Roy followed suit, letting it all out in a breath. “Well, you can probably tell already how much that affected me.”

“You were so scared.”

“I thought I was going to lose you.”

“I felt you straining. I felt their grip on you tighten.”

“I couldn’t let you die alone.”

“You fought for me,” she added simply, as if only now realising it.

“Of course. Where would I be without you?”

Roy felt her tears build in her chest. He lifted a hand to her face, fingers becoming wet as he confirmed what he felt through their bond.

“Why are you crying?”

“Because I would be lost without you too,” she whispered. “I love you.”

“I love you too, my soulmate.”


	6. soulmate part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sam i blame you for this bc i couldn’t get the idea out of my head dhafgf but i love you for it  
> a (sort of) part two to soulmate but just one scene written from riza’s pov ;)

 

**_soulmate_ **

Riza gasped, hands flying to her side. Pain pierced her lower abdomen. It was so unbearable she almost blacked out. Her vision greyed at the edges and she felt anguish fill her entire being. The hand she had thrown out to steady herself hit Alphonse’s metal body with a _thump_. Riza vaguely remembered hearing him gasp at the sudden change in her demeanour. The hand was unable to find any purchase against his armour and slid down towards his legs, finally sliding off. She had been brought to her knees, the phantom pain gripping her in its clutches, incapacitating her and unwilling to let go.

“Lieutenant!” Alphonse called, lowering to a crouch. His hands rested on her shoulders while her head bowed forward.  “Are you okay?”

She didn’t reply, only continued to grip her side as a sob escaped her.

Now she knew how Roy felt when he burned her back. This was _awful_. Why was this happening? What had he done? The pain blocked any coherent thought from forming in her mind. She couldn’t focus on anything else.

Then terror, pure and unadulterated, consumed her very being.

He was dying.

He had been stabbed in the stomach and he was dying.

 _She had to get to him_.

“Lieutenant,” Alphonse urged quietly, giving her shoulders a shake. “Someone is coming!” he whispered fearfully. “You need to stand.”

“I can’t,” Riza gasped as pain continued to flare in her side. _No, no, no! Roy!_

“You _must_. You can’t let them know.”

“I need… I need to go to him!”

Alphonse’s eyes met hers and he said nothing. He would be able to see the pain in her eyes. He would be able to sense her urgency because that was what Alphonse Elric _did_. He was so in tune with the situation around him that he would recognise why Riza needed to leave without her relaying the why.

“You _can’t_.” His hands tightened on her shoulders once helping her to her feet, like he didn’t trust her not to run away. “They _can’t_ know you are soulmates.” He whispered the last word, as if afraid someone would overhear. “Especially about you two because they will use it against you.”

Riza was struck by his earnest.

“How –” She was cut off by another wave of pain. Roy was wracked with pain somewhere in this complex and she was sitting here snivelling about it. She needed to protect him. That was her job.

“I can read the signs,” Alphonse replied softly.

Before they could go any further with their conversation a woman entered the room.

Riza stiffened. She would protect him from here. If they found out they were soulmates Riza would be court martialled. If she was imprisoned that would be fine but if Bradley saw fit to kill her then Roy would be a shell of his former self, unable to function properly. He wouldn’t be able to make the world a better place.

She would do it for him. She was an expert at hiding her emotions and pretending, after all. She would pretend that her side wasn’t on fire and that she didn’t need to vomit from the pain she felt there while the homunculus droned on. Riza had jumped when Lust skewered Barry the Chopper’s body. Her hands trembled as they gripped her gun tightly. It was becoming too much to focus on the conversation.

_Please, Roy. Just hang on. I’m coming!_

“Now then, where were we?” Lust asked conversationally, now that Barry was dealt with. “I think I was about to send the Lieutenant to join her superior.”

Join him? Join him where? He was alive. She could feel it, he wasn’t dead. So why?

Then Riza realised… The pain in her side was gone. There was nothing there just… emptiness.

The world around her stuttered to a stop.

“Wait a minute…” The gun in her hands began to shake. Panic welled inside her. _No, no, no, no, no! He can’t be dead! He_ can’t _be!_ “So when you said you’d already had to kill someone…” Riza felt like she might throw up. She screamed for him in her mind, hoping he would be able to reply or... or… something! Riza had never wanted to feel pain more in her entire life. The presence of his pain meant he was alive. “It can’t be. You didn’t!”

Lust’s smirk is what sent her over the edge.

“ _You bitch!_ ” Riza screamed, pouring every emotion she felt, every bit of pain in her chest into those shots. She howled at Lust, whipping out her third and last gun when the clip ran out of the other two.

 _Roy couldn’t be dead! He_ couldn’t _be! He promised her! He promised he would never leave her again!_

Riza couldn’t even feel satisfaction after each shot because the damn thing wouldn’t _die_. Tears fell down her face, spent.

“Are you done?” Lust asked pitifully.

She was done.

Roy was gone. Her soulmate was dead. What was the point in living anymore if she would be without him?

That was the true meaning of these bonds. It was not to tie people together to make them happy. It was to remind them that life was cruel and life was unfair. It taught the lesson that although you may love someone with your entire being they can be ripped away from you in an instant.

She didn’t even get to say goodbye. He could have died alone. Where was Havoc? Was he dead too?

Her soulmate was gone from this earth, leaving her behind.

“Such a sad and weak creature. Another typical human.”

“Stand up Lieutenant. You need to get out of here.”

“Do you want me to kill you first?”

Riza barely even registered Alphonse and Lust’s conversation. Her eyes stared at the floor, desperately searching for an answer. Pain had gripped her entire being once more but she barely felt it. She was numb to it all, to the pain in her body, the pain in her heart, and the conversation happening around her. A breeze shifted her bangs, but Riza couldn’t bring herself to raise her eyes from the floor. She could only register the fact that Alphonse was still here with her. He needed to leave. He needed to be _safe_. Alphonse still had purpose, he had so much left to accomplish.

“Listen, Alphonse. Leave me and save yourself.”

“No.” The determination in his voice stirred something within her but she couldn’t grab a hold of it.

“Run!” she begged him. She had already lost one person today. She didn’t need to lose another. If she could sacrifice herself so that boy could live then she would. He was too good to die here. Riza wasn’t. She had murdered innocents and for what? No other reason than to exterminate a whole race of people. Of _human beings_. She was despicable.

Riza had researched and read what happens when one half of a soulmate dies. She would be useless now anyway.

“I _won’t_.”

“Go!”

“I won’t leave you! I’m sick of watching people die and I can’t just sit back and take it anymore!” _I am as good as gone now anyway, Alphonse._ “I won’t let anyone else get killed! Not when I can protect them!”

“Well spoken, I couldn’t agree more.”

Riza gasped. Her head shot up, eyes desperate and searching but all she could see was the wall Alphonse had transmuted. _Was he… Was he_ alive _?!_ Riza didn’t dare believe it. Before she could walk out there and see with her own eyes that Roy Mustang was alive and breathing Alphonse had her wrapped in his arms protectively, shielding her from the flames. She fought him desperately, trying to get to Roy.

She screamed to him over the sound of the flames. She could only hear snippets of their conversation. Lust’s anguished screams and the flames overwhelmed her. Every time Riza moved Alphonse just tightened his grip.

_He was alive._

_He was_ alive.

There was a pain in her side again, an agony that felt so sweet and so, so welcome. Riza never enjoyed pain but the fact it was there meant her soulmate wasn’t dead. She had never felt relief like it before. Alphonse only let go when he was sure Lust was gone. Riza pushed out of his hold and ran to his side.

“Are you okay?” she asked when Alphonse left to get help. Her gaze worriedly trailed down his body, settling on the wound on his side that Riza could feel herself. He grimaced in pain and Riza gasped at the same time, both experiencing the same wave of pain crashing through their bodies. “You need help,” she choked, tears starting fresh.

“I’m all right,” he murmured.

Riza’s hand gripped his, the only source of comfort she could give him right now. Roy clasped it tightly, grabbing onto her like she was a lifeline. In a way, she was. Her soul was bound to his in every way.

“I thought you were dead,” Riza sobbed, bringing her spare hand to her mouth. “Your pain disappeared and I thought you died.”

“Hey,” Roy soothed, head turning so he could get a good look at her face. He grunted as he lifted his arm and Riza felt their sides twinge in response. She opened her mouth to scold him, but stopped when his hand found her cheek. "I know," he grimaced. "I could feel your pain." When her tears hit his fingers his expression softened. "I'm right here.”

“But… but…” Riza didn’t know what to say. She was so sure he had been dead. His pain had disappeared and she could no longer feel his presence. What had happened?

“I passed out,” he replied. “When you passed out after I burnt your back the pain disappeared too.” Riza stared down at him, in shock.

“You told Lust you _almost_ passed out from the pain.”

His expression simpered. “A white lie.

“I’m sorry I never told you. In the aftermath of… that, and while treating your wounds it slipped my mind. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you like that.”

“You scared me to _death_ ,” Riza scolded lightly, gripping the hand on her cheek tightly. In a move so unlike her she leaned down, kissing him. What was the point in them being soulmates if they couldn’t enjoy it, especially after a moment like this?

“Does he know?” Roy whispered quietly once he had recovered from his shock, eyes lazily moving towards the door. They were drooping closed, his exhaustion taking hold. The pain in her side flared as he lowered his hand, the grip on her hand tightening in response. She watched as his face contorted in pain. Riza didn’t even notice she had brought a hand to her side in an attempt to stifle the pain.

“Yes.” Roy stiffened but sighed. “He won’t tell anyone,” Riza replied softly, sure of her reply. Riza had suspected it for a while, but after her brief conversation with Alphonse before Lust entered, the boy knew all about soulmates and what they entailed because he had experienced it all before with his brother.

“Why?” Roy asked. Riza winced in pain.

“Because he knows just how much is at stake.”


	7. you saved my life part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this oneshot would not leave me alone and my hand slipped  
> enjoy!

Roy didn’t really know why he invited her in for coffee, it just slipped out. As Riza stepped across the threshold he panicked slightly. What was he doing? Why did he invite her in? Why did even _want_ to –

Her dog – finally named – barked happily in her arms and continued to lick her face happily.

Oh, right. He still had her dog.

“Through here,” he ushered, walking through to the kitchen. He had been doing some paperwork on the breakfast bar in the centre of the room while he waited for his own coffee to finish brewing. Hastily, Roy cleared it all away while Riza stood in the doorway, unsure of herself. Hayate, oblivious of the slightly awkward air that had settled on the room, wagged his tail happily and looked up at Riza. “Take a seat,” he offered with a smile. Riza nodded and perched gingerly on the stool.

“Thank you.”

“How do you take your coffee?”

“Black, please.”

“One black coffee, coming up.”

“Thank you again,” Riza began breaking the silence that had enveloped them both while Roy made another cup of coffee. He offered the first one to Riza, who took it after thanking him. “You… You saved my life,” her voice softened. Roy couldn’t see her face, he was still at the coffee maker, but he smiled happily to himself, enjoying the lilt of her voice and the softness of her tone.

“It was no trouble,” he offered, because, really, what do you reply to that with?

“That sea…” Roy turned just in time to see her shudder. “You could have died trying to pull me out.” She took a sip of her coffee. Roy didn’t miss the way her shoulders curled in on themselves slightly, savouring either the taste or the warmth it provided.

“I don’t think Hayate would have left me alone unless I did come and help,” he grinned at the pup, reaching across the small distance to scratch behind his ears after perching upon the stool across from Riza. Hayate’s only response was a yip.

“Roy,” Riza stated, her tone commanding his attention. His gaze moved to hers and he was surprised by the seriousness of her face, the shining of her eyes. “You saved me. _Thank you._ ” She sniffed, wiping her bruised cheek then wincing, obviously having forgotten the bruise was there. “I don’t know how I can ever repay you.”

Dropping his grin and quips, Roy noted the change in the conversation. Humour held no place here.

“I don’t need payment. Like I said, seeing you up and about is enough for me. That’s your payment.”

Riza shook her head. “No. Not only did you do that, you looked after Hayate for me for a week. Let me at least pay you for –”

“Riza,” Roy tried to interject, but she was having none of it.

“Please, I insist.”

Roy sighed, admitting defeat. So, she was a stubborn one. So was he, but he knew when he was fighting a losing battle. They could argue about this for the rest of their lives and neither would back down.

“Fine. But _only_ for the dog food.” Riza pursed her lips, unhappy with the compromise. “I won’t take any payment for saving your life. Any decent person would. And I hated the thought of waking up the morning after to read about a dog walker who had died in the woods because I hadn’t done anything about it.”

Riza deliberated, biting her lip and looking away from him. Not that she met his eyes for very long anyway. Finally, she nodded. “Fine.”

It didn’t stop Roy from giving her a much less amount than what the dog food actually was. When Riza questioned it, he simply said it was on sale. From the narrowing of her eyes Roy knew she would be the type of person to go and check. She hated to owe anybody anything, Roy theorised.

But, perhaps the nearly full bag of dog food would come in useful after all. He had enjoyed having the pup around the house.

The two made easy conversation once their initial awkwardness was out of the way. Roy observed Riza was shy at first, not meeting his eyes directly and when she did, it was only for a couple of seconds before her gaze returned to her coffee cup. The longer they talked for, the more she seemed to come out of her shell. He wanted to say it was because of himself, but his ego wasn’t that big. Well.

Before long they were laughing about this and that and Roy found himself truly enjoying her company. He had been feeling slightly lonely recently, missing home. He had moved here a year ago for his new job and he had made new friends but he still missed those he left behind in Central. This woman’s Amestrian accent reminded him of that. It was a comfort.

They had been sitting chatting for an hour and a half before Riza announced she had to go. Their coffee had gone cold, forgotten about during their conversation. At least Riza had finished hers. He also didn’t miss her shiver as she stood. Plus, she still had her jacket on Roy noticed with dismay. He hadn’t even offered to take it from her. Hayate hopped down to the floor with ease, eyes looking back up at Riza expectantly.

“Are you cold?” Roy asked suddenly.

Riza shrugged. “A little. The doctor said it would take a while for my body to regulate its own temperature again. I just find it hard to get a heat in me sometimes.”

“When did you get out the hospital?”

“This morning.” His stomach fluttered delightfully at the thought that he was the first person she had come to upon leaving the hospital. “I missed Hayate too much,” she smiled, but Roy saw the twinkle in her eyes.

“I completely understand. He’s a good pup.” Riza beamed happily, meeting his eyes again straight on. “Um, here’s my number,” Roy offered somewhat nervously. He reached across the island for the messy pile of business cards that had been scattered about the counter top in his haste to move his things to create space for them both. “Give me a call if you need anything. Even if you just need someone to talk to about it.” He didn’t know if Riza had nightmares about what happened. He had experienced some very vivid and unsettling dreams in the days following the incident. Talking to his Aunt about it helped, but perhaps talking to another person involved would help even more. After all, no one understood what had happened better than Riza.

Plus, at the hospital he had learned she had no family or friends here to call about what happened. She had been admitted once before, the nurse had told him, but offered no emergency contact details. Perhaps it was a ploy just to get a number off of him because he was involved and they could call him if anything drastic happened to her. It certainly worked.

“Um, thank you. I will.”

“My phone is always on,” he smiled. Riza’s cheeks turned pink at his reassurance and Roy realised how that sounded. It was a bit forward of him, but it was the truth. “Oh,” he added, sheepishly. “I mean genuinely, it _is_ always on. I’m always on call with my work.”

Riza nodded but it didn’t look like she believed him one bit. Roy didn’t mind, plus he liked the wry smile that had appeared on her face.

“Will I see you again?” he blurted out. Embarrassment crept into his chest and he felt horrified. _Oh God, you idiot, what are you doing?!_

“I’d… I’d like that,” Riza replied, her cheeks turning pink once again. It was equally a beautiful sight as the smile on her face.

Roy breathed in relief. _God, you are like a_ teenager _around this woman._ “Awesome! I mean, great. That would be great.” He composed himself as Riza watched as he struggled, amusement clear on her face. Roy didn’t really care at this point. “I would miss Hayate too much if you said no.”

Riza laughed and it was one of the greatest things he had ever heard. The melodic sound made his heart sing. This was incredibly fast and probably a stupid thought for him to have, but Roy could picture himself falling in love with this woman. Her beautiful smile and enticing laugh… He wanted to know more about her.

Preferably not after another near-death experience.

Oh well. It was an interesting start to this fledgling relationship. It would make a good story for them at least.

 


	8. do you ever wonder...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you had never joined the military?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to hate me i bask in the hatred for my angst

A knock at the door jolted Riza from her focus on the paper beneath her hands. She stood wearily but was grateful for the reprieve from her writing. Writing that letter was making her heart heavier and heavier with each passing day she had put it off.

Since she had started writing each letter had not met its recipient. It had been a year since then and with every letter that was returned to her Riza felt her motivation to continue slipping. However, even if they got sent back she needed to get those words out there. It was her only way of conveying her true feelings, she had discovered. In this empty, decrepit home she didn't have anyone to speak them out loud to. Well, she smiled to herself, she had someone. But the person she really wanted to talk to was apparently unavailable.

Mr. Barns always says “no news is good news” far too cheerily for Riza’s liking, but she still smiles at him regardless. It wouldn’t do for her to get on anybody’s bad side in the village. While her father had been living everyone avoided the home up the overgrown lane for a reason. Now Riza was the tenant, more and more people passed by without fear or animosity.

Still, even as each letter was posted back to its return address, Riza pressed forward. If the recipient couldn't read them then at least they were in for a hell of a surprise when they got home.

A cool draft curled around her ankles as she entered the hallway. Riza shivered and pulled her cardigan subconsciously tighter around her body. She really must do something about the insulation in this house. Ever since her father died she had been too preoccupied to devote any attention to it. Perhaps now was the time to be thinking about such things.

Riza opened the door as she always did, a heart full of hope, only for it to be crushed under the boot of the person before her. It was never who she wanted to see.

A soldier stood on her front porch, which Riza thought was odd. The war was over in Ishval and the troops occupying her village and the surrounding ones had all been shipped out a week ago.

The man in question was tall and dark haired. He wore glasses and there was a patch on his forehead, the tell-tale sign of a wound from the war. A military cap covered his dark hair and his royal blue uniform stood out in the soft greens and browns of the wilderness around her childhood home.

"Riza Hawkeye?" he queried.

"Yes? How can I help you?"

The soldier removed his cap and one lock of hair broke free from its restraint, falling across his forehead.

"I am Captain Maes Hughes. Pleasure to meet you ma'am." He saluted crisply, but his smile wavered.

Why did he look so pained all of a sudden?

"I come bearing some bad news I'm afraid."

His voice wobbled and he coughed midway through his sentence. Riza felt dread pool in her stomach. His tone was neutral but there was a hint of sadness to it. There was too much pain in his eyes for this simply to be "bad news". No, this was certainly not just bad news. He had come bearing the worst news Riza knew imaginable. She could feel the sense of foreboding deep in her bones.

Her hands trembled by her side. She shook her head. "No," she whispered, voice cracking.

"Miss Hawkeye-"

"No!" she sobbed, a hand flying to her mouth.

"Riza." He reached out to her in a show of comfort but Riza recoiled away. The only way he would know her name... The only way this stranger knew where she lived would be...

Would be because Roy Mustang had told him.

"Where is he?" she asked, whole body shaking. Tears had yet to fall but Riza's vision was blurring. The world before her was spinning and she could feel her legs shaking.

Maes’ gaze never wavered and his own eyes watered. "Riza-"

" _Where is he_?"

Maes Hughes sighed quietly and composed himself. A mask slipped in place and when he spoke, it was all business and formality.

"It is with deepest regret that I am here to inform you that Major Roy Mustang was killed in action during the Ishvalan Civil War. He was a hero to his country and served it well." Maes saluted once more, hand trembling as his voice cracked on the last word, like a man who had practised this speech in his head numerous times but when it came to it, the confidence and professionalism he had sought out never arrived.

He kept talking, something about the state and her, the military offering its condolences, but Riza's world had just come to a standstill. She saw his lips moving, saw a tear escape from his left eye, but heard nothing. Not the sudden strong breeze that seemed to whip around her body, chilling her bones, not the blood roaring in her ears, nothing.

Her knees crumpled and so did her world. Before she hit the ground somebody caught her and pulled her in for a fierce hug. There was a small part of her mind that appeared to view this situation very clinically. It was very odd for this stranger to be acting this way. Why was he hugging her? Why was he crying? Riza could feel the tears hitting the top of her head.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, voice thick. “He told me all about you and I –” Maes was cut off by a shuddering sigh. “I promised… He asked me to… Tell you, if anything ever went wrong.”

Despite feeling numb and frozen in place, Riza manged to look up into Maes Hughes’ eyes.

“He says he loves you.”

Everything went dark after that. Whether she had passed out or was pressed against the blue of a military uniform, Riza didn’t know. There was nothing else occupying her mind but the two words.

 _He’s dead_.

Riza didn’t hear Maes talking anymore. She didn’t hear a door slamming somewhere in the house due to the force of the breeze from outside.

She didn’t even hear the cry of an infant from inside the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my reasoning for roy dying in ishval is based off of riza shooting an ishvalan who tried to kill him. a theme throughout the ishval story is that “if i hadn’t done it they would have just gotten someone else” and that’s what i went with for this. yes, if riza hadn’t been there someone would have taken her place, but no one is as good as riza hawkeye, are they?


	9. all i want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a songfic to All I Want by Kodaline  
> set after roy leaves for the military

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have LOVED this song for years and have wanted to do a songfic for it for a while. i think this time in their relationship is what suits it most. 
> 
> kind of a sequel to chapter 3 "stay" but not necessary to read beforehand
> 
> p.s. in the third verse the italics are what was written in roy's letter

**_All I want is nothing more_ **

**_To hear you knocking at my door_ **

**_'Cause if I could see your face once more_ **

**_I could die as a happy man I'm sure_ **

 

Riza sat in the kitchen of her empty house, feeling completely and utterly alone. She had felt alone for most of her life at this point, so the feeling was nothing new. After her mother’s death her father had closed in on himself and buried himself in his work, so she was left to care for herself and for him. She was too young to be doing such things.

Then Roy arrived.

He brought light back into her drab and grey life, brightening up the old house that, no matter what Riza did, _always_ seemed to be dusty. With Roy’s help it had been easier to maintain but he was busy with his studies a lot of the time, leaving Riza to feel alone once more.

Roy had left for the military against her father’s wishes two months ago. Her father hadn’t spoken a word to her in that time, prompting her to think that he possibly thought this was her fault, that she had influenced Roy into following his ambitions. Riza was grateful. She already felt bad enough now that Roy was gone from her life, she didn’t need her father’s imposing presence to hang over her as well.

In the past two months she had waited foolishly for him to knock on the door once more like he had years ago, just to confirm this was all a big joke or a bad dream. When the paper boy arrived a few days after he left Riza had opened the door eagerly, only to be met with disappointment. The post man had yet to deliver a letter Roy said he would write. That hurt her the most. He had _promised_. Riza had no address to send one to, so she was left in the lurch. Her chest burned and her eyes watered at the thought that he had forgotten all about her already.

She just wanted him back. The loneliness pressed down on her harder than it had before, now that she had finally known friendship. The house was too big, the rooms too cold without Roy Mustang to share them with.

Riza wasn’t stupid either. Being in the military there was every possibility he could die if called upon to go to war. The rumours were all about the town nowadays. She just wished she could be there to watch his back…

If he walked through that door just once more, she could die happy.

 

**_When you said your last goodbye_ **

**_I died a little bit inside_ **

**_I lay in tears in bed all night_ **

**_Alone without you by my side_ **

 

Roy’s departure was a sullen, cold affair, far from what Riza wanted. She had run out of the house in the rain to bid him farewell once more, unable to resist. The words she had been so desperate to say died on her lips when she saw the determination in his eyes. Her “I love you” and “ _please_ stay” were both silenced. She couldn’t hold him back, that wouldn’t be fair.

It didn’t stop her from dying a little inside as she watched him walk away. Once gone her knees found the cold and unforgiving stone.

They had become close. _Really_ close. The night before his departure he had shared her bed. Riza still blushed at the memory. She would cherish that, for if she didn’t, the tears would come. They loved each other, she knew that. Roy had whispered it against her skin as he made love to her. However, it still hurt to know that he had chosen the military over her.

No, that was childish. He was a man now and he had dreams and aspiration just like Riza had when she was young. Before her mother’s death and father’s exile took that away from her. If she couldn’t have hers, she wouldn’t stop her friend and lover from achieving his.

Roy had told her how much he hadn’t wanted to leave before his departure. He hadn’t wanted to leave her behind. All he had left was a phone number that she was to call should she need anything at all. It was for an operator in East City and they asked for Roy’s identification number before she could put Riza through to him, but she didn’t know it. To be fair to the woman, she was sympathetic in her explanation that she wouldn’t be able to connect her to the line without proper identification. Riza had replied that she understood and thanked her for her time.

She cried herself to sleep that night.

With no way to reach him and no word from him after two months, Riza had succumbed to the idea that she simply wasn’t worth remembering.

 

**_But If you loved me_ **

**_Why did you leave me?_ **

**_Take my body_ **

**_Take my body_ **

**_All I want is_ **

**_All I need is_ **

**_To find somebody_ **

**_I'll find somebody_ **

**_Like you_ **

 

Questions swirled around in her head on a day to day basis regarding Roy. She tried not to let it, but it was difficult. She was young and in love for the first time. That was a hard thing to suppress. Mainly, and immaturely, she questioned why he had left her when he claimed to love her so much. Why hadn’t he written to her like he promised? Silencing those thoughts was the most difficult.

Riza continued her chores around the house. Her father’s health took a turn for the worst, so she added going into town for his medicine to her weekly tasks.

“Ah, Miss Riza!” the postman, Mr. Dooley, called to her outside the doctor’s office. “I have letter for you. Would you be a dear and take it now?” He grinned sheepishly. “It would save me a trip up to the Old House if you did.”

“Of course,” she replied but her heart was thumping in her chest. A letter? For _her_?

Did she dare dream?

Calmly, Riza walked the mile back home with the letter burning a hole in her knapsack. Studying the front of the envelope when Mr. Dooley had given it to her she found she didn’t recognise the writing. However, the stamp came from East City and there was only one person in East City who wanted to talk to her.

Or so she hoped.

Hands shaking, Riza opened the envelope to find the correspondence she had been eagerly waiting for the past four months.

_Dearest Riza,_

_I apologise for the length of time between my departure and this letter. I promised to write to you, I know, and I didn’t intend to leave it this long. No doubt you have forgotten all about me!_

Riza laughed quietly to herself, feeling her emotions threaten to overwhelm her. As if she could forget him.

_Things have been hectic here at the academy. Training is tough but I will persevere. The thought of making you proud pushes me forwards._

Riza blushed as she read, her stomach fluttering in response.

_That’s the reason why it has taken me so long to write to you. Us cadets have certainly been kept busy! I also may have agonised over this letter for longer than I should have before a friend of mine pushed me to write it. In fact, his words were “shut up Roy and just write it!” Hughes is a smart man. I think you will like him._

_The day I left still haunts me and there is never a day that goes by that you are far from my thoughts. I miss you terribly. I often think about upping and leaving. In fact, I am tempted to do it right now, but I made a promise to us both. I want to become a respectable man and I also want to prove myself to your father in order to obtain the secret to flame alchemy._

Riza’s back tingled in response and she shifted in her chair, feeling slightly nauseous. How would he react to that, she wondered? Riza found herself not wanting to know.

_I really believe that alchemy could help the world a better place. If I end up high enough in military command, I can make that a reality. I will do it, for us and for our future._

_I love you, Riza Hawkeye. Don’t ever forget that._

Tears fell down her cheeks now, hot and fast. Riza made no move to wipe them away. _Oh, Roy. Why did you leave me?_ She missed him so much and was only now just realising it. she wanted to feel his touch, hear his voice again, but she couldn’t.

The feeling made her want to sob loudly, to go up to her bedroom and curl into a ball on her bed as she had done so often before shortly after his departure.

 _I will return to you one day, you can bet on that. However, I understand it is unfair for me to ask you to wait for me. Should you find someone, please do not hesitate to allow yourself to be happy with them_.

Riza’s heart constricted painfully at that. How could she possibly move on from him? He had awoken a fire within her that she loved. It was a part of her now because of _him_. Riza could never let that go. Ever.

Her father had told her to stop moping. How he had even noticed, Riza didn’t know.

“You’ll find someone else,” he replied gruffly before shuffling back to his study. Riza had nodded dutifully, answering “Yes, father”.

All she needed to do was find someone else and she would be happy, according to him. Yes, of course, she would find someone else. Somebody like him instead.

Fat chance of that happening.

_P.S. I will attach my identification codes to the bottom of this letter. I was unaware they were required for you to reach me by telephone. Again, I am terribly sorry to keep you waiting on this. Training has kept me incredibly busy and I aim to write to you at least once every two weeks at least. It pains me, but I apologise that I cannot assure to write more often than that._

_Forever yours,_

_Roy_

_RM002EC45_

 

**_'Cause you brought out the best of me_ **

**_A part of me I'd never seen_ **

**_You took my soul wiped it clean_ **

**_Our love was made for movie screens_ **

 

Riza reread that letter for weeks on end. Like in the letter, Roy’s responses had been sporadic, but it was understandable since he was in basic training. She received a letter once and month and she had spoken to him on the telephone twice. Those telephone calls were the moments she looked forward to.

“I love you, Riza,” he would always end with, making her blush.

He would never want to talk about himself though, only about how she was doing and what she decided to do with her life. Riza was undecided. Having entertained the idea of entering the teaching profession, Riza considered leaving for East City next year in order to pursue that.

“That’s great!” Roy had exclaimed excitedly. “You will need to tell me when you move. Of course, I will try my best to get time off to assist with the move. From what you told me your father isn’t in a good enough condition to help and I hate to think of you travelling all that way carrying all those things, it would cost a _fortune_ and –”

“Roy?” Riza interrupted, smiling to herself. Losing herself in his voice, she leaned against the wall of the telephone booth, not caring she was in the centre of the village and everyone could probably see her. Riza briefly closed her eyes and, if she pretended hard enough, he was there next to her, not hundreds of miles away.

“… Yes?”

“You’re babbling.”

“Oh, right. Sorry. I’m serious though, consider it if you do.”

“I will. Thank you.” Her gratitude was genuine, and she tried to convey that in her tone, just to tell him how much it meant to her that he cared.

Riza heard the smile in his voice, his tone softening. “You’re welcome, Riza.”

The way he said her name…

There was a bark on the other end of the line.

“Sorry,” Roy apologised, tone sheepish and slightly disappointed. “But that’s my cue to leave. Apparently, the drill sergeant wants us to run laps. In the pouring rain, no less,” he grumbled. Glancing outside the glass box, Riza noted how bright the sun was shining.

“Well, it isn’t raining here. Take that thought with you as you run.”

“Thanks,” he grumbled. “I hate the rain.”

“I know you do,” Riza smirked. “It makes you useless.”

“That was _one time_ , Riza. I slipped off the roof _once_ because it was wet.”

She laughed. God it felt good to do it again. “Whose bright idea was it to go up there in the first place? During a summer storm, no less?”

His answer was unintelligible and Riza grinned.

“Mustang!” someone barked sharply.

“Shit,” he cursed, forgetting himself and Riza grinned. “I have to go. Love you.”

“I love you too, Roy.”

When the line disconnected Riza didn’t feel quite so sad or alone. After all, he was only a dial away.

Once home Riza leaned against the now closed front door with a smile. She was starting to feel slightly better about her plans after Roy’s encouragement. He always did push her forwards to achieve things and Riza was grateful for that. Over the course of his apprenticeship he had done so unconditionally and now, three years later, Riza felt she could achieve something without anyone’s help.

She felt ready to take on the world, all thanks to him. He had opened her up to love, friendship, and care, three things she had been lacking since her mother died, and Riza was eternally grateful for it.

 

**_But If you loved me_ **

**_Why did you leave me?_ **

**_Take my body_ **

**_Take my body_ **

**_All I want is_ **

**_All I need is_ **

**_To find somebody_ **

**_I'll find somebody_ **

**_Like you_ **

 

For now, she would take the small moments of contact they could get. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to squash that loneliness that threatened to overwhelm her. Roy became busier with basic training and Riza’s father became sicker, so the two resorted to sending letters only. She could live with that because they were both working towards bettering their futures.

Riza knew that no matter what the villagers gossiped about and said regarding Roy’s “sudden” departure, she would never find someone else, or somebody like him.

Not in a million years.


	10. i can’t stand my own reflection // bedroom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you waddiwasiwitch for the prompt on tumblr!  
> note: i wasn't sure of riza's rank in ishval so i just went for private i know there is a document on the fma wiki stating what their ranks are throughout the series bc i've SEEN it but for the life of me i couldn't find it tonight skdjnfajk if anyone does know lmk and i'll change it because it's really annoying me tbh xD

**_“i can’t stand my own reflection” // bedroom_ **

“Sir?” Riza called uncertainly into the dim hallway. Her childhood home was quiet, not unlike it had been all those years ago. A lifetime ago… A life before war, suffering, and the murder of innocents.

A life before flames had invaded both their lives against their will, filling it with nothing but pain.

With no answer Riza shivered, clutching the thin sheet tighter to her chest. Her back was still healing so she couldn’t wear her pyjama top, like she wished, to protect against the cold draughts that continued to breeze through the crumbling house. It should have made her uncomfortable to be so open and vulnerable, but not with Roy. Never with him.

Usually Roy slept in her bedroom in an uncomfortable chair to watch over her while she slept, changing the dressings on her burns every couple of hours. Riza asked him to sleep, begged him even, but he never did. Not properly. When he finally succumbed to exhaustion, it was in an armchair he had carried from the living room downstairs – a punishment inflicted upon himself. Guilt ate at him for burning her back, she knew it did. Riza hadn’t anticipated the emotion to be so strong, but it was there in his eyes, in the way he held himself, and the way he rarely met her eyes when they spoke now.

However, when Riza awoke her bedroom was empty. After being confined to her bed for the last week she felt it was time to leave it. Without Roy to scold her and firmly guide her back to rest, Riza left her childhood bedroom and the oppressive walls. Cabin fever had well and truly set in days ago so with her protector gone for the time being, she jumped at the opportunity for escape. Although the cool air made her skin prickle with gooseflesh and made her back ache, she was still grateful to be up and out of that room.

It worried her when she couldn’t find him right away. Roy hadn’t really been alone since they got back from the war, Riza made sure of that. After departing the train in East City, they had both come here to deal with her father’s research once and for all. Nightmares plagued them both, obviously, but Roy seemed to be affected by it more. Riza had awoken to the sound of him struggling in his sleep more than once.

After checking all rooms on the first floor, Riza paused outside the room she hadn’t stepped a foot inside for years. Her hand hovering over the door handle, she gripped it tightly, letting loose a shaky breath, memories flooding her from years prior. She had stood before this door numerous times. Often, she had sat on the floor instead, staring at the closed door while leaning against the wall across from it, tears tracking down her cheeks as she wondered where she had gone so wrong in life, everyone she loved had abandoned her.

Entering through the door, she saw Roy standing in his old bedroom, facing the dusty mirror she hadn’t cleaned since he left. In fact, Riza had opted to remain out of the room since Roy had joined the military, there were too many reminders of him in there, too many nights spent on the floor with alchemy worksheets spread between them as they tried to figure out her father’s half-crazed writings. Too many nights spent simply together, whether it was just enjoying each other’s presence, or discussing life and their futures.

Loneliness followed her like a shadow once more after Roy joined the military. The ache in her chest had been even greater than before because she had finally known what it was like to enjoy the company and companionship of another, but even Roy had left her, like everyone else she had ever known. Her mother, her father to his research, and then Roy for the military. She didn’t blame him. He had ambitions and goals to achieve that Riza supported wholeheartedly, but it still stung. Her chest had still ached as she lay in her cold bed each night without his warmth to lull her to sleep.

In many ways Roy Mustang had essentially been her whole world. He had been the one to bring life back into her own, given her purpose, brought her happiness and love. After her isolated upbringing it was hard not to feel that way when he had been the first person to pay attention to her since her mother died. Her father certainly didn’t, not in the ways he should.

Never in her wildest dreams did Riza imagine that he would feel the same way about her, but it was there, in the way he had cradled her aching body, whispering repeatedly how sorry he was, and when he had spoken forbidden words against her skin. Forbidden, because the path they were about to head down wouldn’t allow such feelings between the two of them. Even through her haze of agony, Riza had felt relief. Not only was she finally free from her father’s burden, she also felt loved, cared for, and wanted, something she had been lacking for most of her life. She no longer felt cast aside, like she was just at the edge of Roy’s peripherals while he was in the centre of her vision.

For the first time in a long time, she felt peace.

She shouldn’t, Riza had killed so many people in Ishval, but in that moment as Roy held her, she couldn’t deny that she felt a brief period of happiness. Hughes’ speech about returning home to his wife, happy, popped into her thoughts. They were both adamant they didn’t deserve to be happy after what they had done, but there was still a niggle in her mind that what if Hughes was right? What if she could embrace this happiness with her blood-stained hands all the while still trying to atone for her sins?

A question for another time as she noticed the look on Roy’s face. Her breath caught in her throat and she gasped quietly.

He looked desolate in the moonlight. Dark circles looked like bruises under his eyes. Riza never noticed how thin he looked. His clothes hung off his frame, baggier than they should have been. His hair was a mess, sticking up in different directions all over, like he had been running his hands through it constantly. His eyes were red rimmed, like he had been crying.

At the sound of her entering, Roy didn’t even budge. Riza called to him, shuffling slowly closer. She discovered his eyes weren’t actually looking at himself in the mirror, they were fixated on the wall above it.

“I can’t do it…” he whispered. It appeared as if he were miles away, talking to himself.

“Can’t do what?” Riza asked quietly, all thoughts of referring to him as her superior gone in an instant. He was struggling and he needed Riza right now, not Private Hawkeye. Riza didn’t think she could bring herself to do it either, not after seeing the haunted look in his eyes.

“I can’t even look at myself,” he whispered.

Riza shivered with the cold, moving around his frozen body to stand before him. He was so far away from her right now… Riza was of no use to him if she couldn’t bring him back from this.

“Roy? Look at me.” He didn’t seem to hear her.

“I can’t stand my own reflection,” he continued, unaware of Riza in front of him. “All I see is a monster staring back at me.”

With one hand she placed it on his chest, hoping the contact would draw him back to her. “Roy.”

Slowly, his eyes drifted down to her face and something in her broke at the look in his face. Her chest ached because she knew it was the same way she felt inside. Riza hadn’t intended this to happen. She hadn’t intended him to get so beaten down and hurt by the knowledge she had gifted him. This was as much her fault as his.

He blinked once then started, as if realising who it was that was in front of him.

“Riza! You shouldn’t be out of bed,” he stuttered, choking on his emotions as he returned to the present. “Please,” he gripped her hand tightly. The word was spoken like a prayer and Riza knew it wasn’t just to ask her to return to bed. She saw the pain in her eyes. It was a prayer for her to make the pain go away. “Please, go back to bed.”

Riza searched his eyes, confirming what she guessed to be true.

Like Roy, Riza also wanted the pain to stop. However, they had made their choices. They had both been adults when they chose to fight in Ishval. So, although they both couldn’t look at themselves in the mirror, they would bear it. They had made a promise to each other that they would stop this from happening in the future to protect the next generation.

“Riza, please,” he begged, body beginning to shake. “I can’t… I hurt you and I’m so _sorry_.”

Riza hushed him, placing a hand on back of his neck and pulling his head down to her shoulders. He wrapped his arms around her waist, mindful of her injuries. His warm hands hit her cool skin and Riza shivered but not from the cold. His fingers dug into her skin, but there was no pain, just the desperation of a man suffering for his sins.

“I’m useless,” he whispered. “A superior doesn’t hurt their subordinates like this. A… friend doesn’t either.” His arms tightened around her as he buried his face in the crook of her neck.

Not missing the way he tripped over the word “friend”, Riza clutched at his neck tighter in response, fingers stroking his skin in an attempt to soothe him. They were so much more than that, but for the purpose of their upcoming task they had to pretend that was all they were.

“You set me free,” she whispered into his hair. “Remember that. You set me free from my father and are giving me the chance to live as Riza Hawkeye and not as my father’s notebook.”

His body shuddered and her skin turned wet under his tears. Riza felt her own cheeks wet also as the two stood in the centre of Roy’s old bedroom, clutching each other like a life raft. In order to stay afloat, they would hold each other for as long as it took. The monster inside them wouldn’t take them just yet.

It wouldn’t be easy, but, maybe, in time, they would be able to find peace with their reflection and the monster staring back at them.


	11. you’re better than this // nighttime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another tumblr prompt. thank you shadows-of-1832!

**_“you’re better than this” // nighttime_ **

The sand billowed around the soldier’s ankles as they walked through the cold night air. The wind blew the course substance into his eyes, but Major Mustang barely flinched. It was what he deserved, he supposed. He blinked to rid the grit from his eyes but made no effort to ease the affair with his hands.

“Sir?” a voice called to him quietly. In the quiet outskirts of camp, it carried the distance between them. Roy cursed internally, not ready to face the woman who had entrusted her secrets to him, only for Roy to use to cause the destruction before him. He had vowed to help the people, not murder the innocents.

_Yet, you’re still doing it aren’t you? Bastard._

“Sir,” Hawkeye admonished, her tone disapproving at his late-night wander through camp. “What are you doing up at this hour?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” he replied, voice gruff. He continued to blink away the grit, but it didn’t want to budge. “What are you doing up, Private?” he retorted, needing to shift the focus away from himself. He was in no mood or frame of mind to discuss his wellbeing at the moment.

Hawkeye was quiet for a moment. “My unit just returned from patrol.”

That was when he finally met her eyes. They looked as haunted as he felt, and his heart clenched in his chest. He never wanted this for her. She deserved better. Look where his naive and foolish comments had gotten them both. Stuck in this hell hole, murdering innocent people who didn’t deserve it. The least he could do was meet her eyes as she spoke to him. He would remember that look in her eyes, the horrified expression on her face. They would haunt him for the rest of his life, just like this war.

She had killed again tonight, he knew it. There was a terrified spark in her eyes, one that made him want to wrap her in his arms and protect her from the horrors of the war he had dragged her into.

Although she looked terrified, there was no look asking him to comfort her. She bore her sins, like he did. They both felt like they didn’t deserve each other’s comfort but craved it, nonetheless.

“We, uh…” Hawkeye coughed as she stumbled over her words, an uncharacteristic trait. Roy felt surprise and remorse fill his chest. Surprise at the unlikely behaviour, and remorse because he knew it was this place that was causing it. He had seen more than one soldier succumb to the mental torture this war pushed on them. Major Armstrong had been publicly demoted and deployed back to East City that morning. “We, uh…” Riza tried again more successfully. “We were stationed in a residential area tonight.”

Roy felt his heart stop. From her words he knew _exactly_ what she meant. She had killed families, _children_ , torn them apart, gotten up close and personal with their deaths. For him he could at least hide around a corner as he murdered them. A blessing that wasn’t really a blessing at all. After all, their screams found him no matter where he stood. He was a coward, plain and simple. Hawkeye was stronger than him to do what she did. She always had been.

He blinked as her face crumpled, a hand raising to cover it. Roy watched as Hawkeye’s shoulders curved in and shook as she cried. Quiet gasps reached him in the night, and something kept him rooted to the spot. He theorised it was the shock at seeing Riza Hawkeye cry for the first time.

 _You’re better than this, Roy_. _You caused this. Don’t let her suffer for your sins too._

Unable to hold back, and thanks to the nudge in his mind, he approached Riza with hurried strides, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, muffling her sobs in his dusty, dirty uniform. In the cold desert air, Riza’s sobs carried up into the night sky, blanketing over Roy’s very soul and constricting it painfully.


	12. i promise i'll come back // calm meadow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof after those last two angst prompts i needed some fluff and this was the result  
> enjoy some teenage royai uwu  
> thank you ruikosakuragi for the prompt!

**_"i promise i'll come back" // calm meadow_ **

Yellow, purple, and red flowers swayed in the spring breeze. The cool air brought a hint of summer with it, signalling its arrival with an occasional rush of warmth as the breeze dropped momentarily. The grass swayed in the sunshine, pleased to be free of the spring storms that had sporadically plagued the east for the last two months.

Two people sat in the long grass, hands placed on the ground behind their bodies, dangerously close to one another. Both were hyper aware of the other as they pretended to simply be watching the trees sway across the meadow from them as they spoke, all the while nonchalantly shifting closer to their companion.

This tension between them had sizzled and was now threatening to explode at any moment. It was a long time coming, they both knew, but we're apprehensive about anything progressing further. The girl's father would forbid it, they knew. The boy had to focus on his studies, but the man never really cared what the girl did with her time.

So, they settled for stolen glances and late nights spent going over alchemy notes together. It was in those moments when they were both truly happy. And, in this meadow, they were free.

That thought was terrifying to them both.

"What would you say to staying here all day?" Roy ventured, expression nervous but eyes earnest as they hoped for her to say yes. Riza studied those dark eyes, discovering once more just how easy it was to lose herself in them. She loved his eyes.

"All day?" she queried. "But we don't have any food or money to - "

"I'll sort it," he interrupted, a grin spreading across his face, tone betraying his excitement. "I'll run back to the house and fix us up something for lunch."

Riza considered his proposal. It would be a welcome change to sitting in that house alone while Roy gravitated back to her father's study, returning to hopefully learn the knowledge he so desperately sought. For once someone wanted to spend time with _her_ and not because of who her father was and what he knew.

A shy smile spread across her own face. "Okay then," she agreed.

"Great!"

"I'll come with you," Riza stated, beginning to stand from the warm grass. They had picked a spot where the sunlight hit their bodies perfectly, warming and protecting them from the cold on the breeze. Besides, she couldn't really stomach the thought of being left alone nowadays, not after having a taste of what it was like to have a real friend.

Grass clung to the skirt of her dress. Riza frowned as she made to move, making a mental note to brush it off before returning home. If she didn't, it would trail through the house and her father wouldn't be happy. In the long run, it would save her a job in the future.

"No," Roy blurted out in a rush. Riza raised an eyebrow questioningly, stomach tensing uncomfortably at the brief thought that he didn't want to spend time with her anymore. "No, stay." His soft voice wreaked havoc with her heart and Riza was powerless to object. "I'll get it. I won't be long." Springing to his feet Roy dusted grass and flower petals off his trousers. Riza sighed to herself at the sight of the green stains on his bottom, then blushed furiously when she realised exactly where she was looking. Hurriedly, she turned her gaze away in the hopes Roy wouldn't see.

Fat chance of that happening. The smirk on his face was maddening to the teenager.

"See something you like?" he teased.

"Shut up," Riza grumbled, her blush deepening. The sound of his chuckle didn't make her situation any better. Then, he made it worse. Riza felt a pressure on the top of her head. Instinctively she begun to move away but when she realised that he had kissed the top of her head, she froze.

"I'll be back soon."  Gone was the smirk and teasing look. In its place was something Riza didn't feel ready to identify. As he turned away Riza reached to grab his hand, her inherent fear of being left alone creeping up once again when she least expected it.

"Don't go," she panicked.

His expression changed. Gently, he coaxed her to her feet. Caught in his gaze like a deer in the headlights, Riza stood, enthralled by how he was holding her hand. Once she was upright his thumb brushed over her knuckles and Riza felt herself breaking out in gooseflesh.

His other hand rose to the back of her neck slowly, thumb coming to rest beside her ear and on her cheek. That thumb also stroked her skin, stealing Riza's breath away. It caught in her throat and left a dryness in her mouth.

As his mouth lowered slowly to hers, Riza thought she was in a dream. This moment had popped up in her subconscious more times than she could count, leaving her frustrated at herself for thinking such things. It also meant that every time she would look at Roy, an uncomfortable feeling wound up in her stomach while her heart fluttered in her chest.

It left her wanting more.

His lips were soft, like his hands brushing against her skin. The kiss was short but Riza could feel the emotion he poured into it. For her? She wouldn't dared to have dreamt it without the clear evidence that was now in front of her.

When Roy pulled away, he smirked at her surprised expression. Riza could feel the heat rising in her cheeks but barely noticed it thanks to the shock.

_Did that really happen?_

"I'll be back soon, I promise."

No, he couldn't just leave her like that, not after that stunt he had just pulled. Riza grabbed for his arm blindly, whipping a surprised Roy back around to face her. This kiss was so much more desperate, a culmination of months of wanting finally being released into the world. What the consequences would be, Riza didn't know, nor did she care in that moment while Roy's mouth moved against hers, his tongue stroking her lips, causing her to make noises that made her blush once more.

"Promise?" Riza whispered into the air between them after breaking apart. She had opted to rest her forehead against his, enjoying the way his hands continued to stroke her skin lovingly.

Roy chuckled. Riza was dismayed when he moved away, but it was short lived, and she smiled when she felt him press his lips to her forehead.

"I promise, I'll come back," he vowed, a grin on his lips. He punctuated his promise with another brief kiss. "To you, I'll always return."

Riza allowed herself to dream just this once that his words might be true.

Reluctantly, she let go of him and he gave her one last grin before jogging off into the forest. While Roy had left a coldness in his departure, he had added more warmth to her life once again. Her whole body sang with it. She knew that if anyone was to learn flame alchemy, it would be him. He was the personification of fire to her, warm, comforting, and welcome after the cold years she had spent alone with her father.

_"I promise, I'll come back."_

_"To you, I'll always return."_

Riza smiled to herself and sat back down in the flowers, touching her tingling lips gently. She was still in disbelief, a quiet scoff leaving her, followed by a grin.

The meadow had always been their secret spot. It was an escape from the oppressive walls of her home and the coldness exuded by her father. Now, Riza had come to love it even more because it was not only where she had her first kiss, it was also where she had kissed Roy Mustang for the first time.


	13. i never meant to hurt you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: CHARACTER DEATH  
> this is all silas' fault so blame them

**_“i never meant to hurt you”_ **

“Lieutenant,” Roy croaked, his voice finally breaking under the pressure of everything he was experiencing in that moment. His restraints tore at his skin causing blood to seep from the wounds. They were impossibly sharp, grating against his skin. It was agony. “Lieutenant, please,” he begged.

Riza Hawkeye struggled before him. Roy saw it in her eyes. The darkness in them cleared for a split second and she gasped quietly. Her body shuddered in that one moment of clarity, the gun in her grip shaking.

“I’m…” That was all she managed to get out, her voice strangled.

“Hawkeye,” Roy begged, seeing the gun rise once more to train on his head. “Riza, please.” His voice broke then and so did something in his chest.

It was oddly poetic that Riza was the one to kill him like this. He had given her permission to shoot him should he stray from the path, but it was _her_ who had strayed from the path. Pride had overtaken her body too easily. Roy had tried to break through to her, he really had, but he was too weak. He couldn’t save the woman he loved from a fate Roy knew she would have been horrified to live through.

Riza was trapped as a homunculus and Roy couldn’t save her from it.

She had always been the one to save his dumb ass from a danger like this, and Roy couldn’t even return the favour.

The shadows restraining his arms and legs bit tighter, cutting into his flesh. He cried out, unable to help himself. They cut deep, causing more blood to pour onto the concrete ground below him. The shadows slammed him down suddenly to the floor. Dazed, Roy lay on the stone, face pressing painfully into the cold ground.

“Riza, I’m so sorry,” he mumbled against it. “I’m sorry… For everything.”

Under the pressure of Pride’s shadows, he craned his neck up to look at her, not caring that the black strands were cutting into his skin. What was the point in caring now? He knew he was going to die, he knew this was the end.

His only regret was it would be Riza that killed him.

It had already killed him to know that she had no say in the matter. The homunculus had taken over completely already.

He regretted that he hadn’t been able to get to her in time and now Riza Hawkeye was going to kill him.

The thought horrified him, terrified him. It tore up his insides because being killed by the woman he loved was _not_ how his story was meant to end. It was not how things were supposed to happen.

Yet, here they were, in the tunnels under Central Command.

His biggest concern right now was that he knew Riza was still in there somewhere. That moment of clarity, however brief it had been, had confirmed the hope he had foolishly held onto. Everyone told him not to believe it, not to get his hopes up because it would no doubt end in tragedy.

This was definitely a fucking tragedy, but only because it meant Riza was aware of her actions, she just couldn’t stop them. She would tear herself up because of this, that was the person she was, and that’s not what Roy wanted. He didn’t want her to blame herself, should she get her body back. Riza needed to keep on fighting. She needed to stay strong to beat Pride and help the Elrics beat Father.

“Colonel,” she gasped, the gun shaking. “I can’t…” Hope filled him briefly. Maybe there was a chance…? “I can’t stop this,” she whispered. She was horrified.

Roy’s stomach sank.

“Riza?” he called. Her brown eyes jerked down to meet his head on. The whisky brown colour he had grown to love over the years. “It’s okay.”

Peace filled him. Roy knew why, he just didn’t want to acknowledge it. Not yet. Not while he still had to speak to her.

“It’s okay, I forgive you,” he whispered as she shook her head, eyes wide and frantic, begging him to get away and stop this from happening like he always did.

“It’s _not_ ,” she choked out.

“I love you.”

Her body stiffened then a shot went off.

A split second later she heard Riza scream his name. Pain erupted throughout his back. He may have chuckled to himself about the irony of her shooting him in the back she had sworn to protect without a prompt. If he wasn’t in so much pain, he just might have.

Another rang out, hitting his flesh and vital organs, and Riza screamed again.

Blood entered his throat and Roy coughed it up, spitting his life onto the cold and unforgiving floor.

“No!” Riza Hawkeye screamed.

The pressure on him was gone in an instant.

“No, no, no,” Riza sobbed, rolling him onto his side. Roy gasped and his vision greyed, the edges darkening.

_This is it._

“Roy!” she sobbed, her face scrunched up in horror and grief. “No, this can’t happen. I’m… I’m…” Riza vomited onto the floor, entire body shuddering as she tried to find her breath.

“I… love… you,” he whispered.

“I… I never meant – I never meant for this to happen,” she whispered through her tears. “I never meant to hurt you. I tried to stop. I tried –” She cut herself off, overwhelmed by her grief and the result of her actions.

He lifted a hand to her cheek, feebly brushing against it. “Don’t cry…” he told her as she sobbed, her hands desperately moving against his face to try and keep him with her. She brought her face down to his, pressing their foreheads together, hard. “I forgive you.”

Lips were crushed against his as Roy felt himself become lighter.

As Roy Mustang left this earth, he heard Riza Hawkeye screaming his name. It was a noise that sounded inhuman as she sobbed. His body had numbed, and his brain slowly begun to shut down.

Riza may have killed him, but it was her body that did it, not _her_. That was evident in her reaction. Pride had taken over and made her perform the task she feared most of all.

 _Bastard_.

Roy supposed this was his payment for everything he had done in life. He had always said that Riza had permission to shoot him should he stray from his path. In a way, he had, long before that promise had been made. Back in Ishval he had fallen from grace so hard he was toying with the flames of hell in his very hands.

This was it catching up with him finally.

He’d had enough out of this life though. He had loved Riza Hawkeye and been loved by her in return. That was enough for him. He’d been witness to her rare smiles and her dry humour. Roy had seen her weary from work, almost – and adorably – falling asleep at her desk when it had just been the two of them in his office. Her vulnerability, although rarely shown, even to him, was there just underneath her soldier exterior. Roy knew, because he had been privy to her most private moments as a child and in Ishval. Roy had made love to her throughout the years, whispering everything he shouldn’t say against her skin.

They had admitted their love out loud only once back when they were kids, but after he left for the military it fell by the wayside because of Ishval. They never spoke of it again, opting to focus on their work in favour of it. There were stolen nights in each other’s apartment but that was all they would permit themselves after everything that had happened during their time in the military. In all honesty, Roy wasn’t sure they even deserved that.

However, he had to let her know before he died that he had held onto the thought of them, of _her_ , all these years. Even in the last few months after Father had shoved that monster inside her head.

He still loved her.

And he forgave her for this.

His only regret was that he hadn’t been able to save Riza from the grip of the homunculi. He only hoped Edward and Alphonse would know what to do. They were smart kids and had proved time and time again that they were intelligent enough to conquer the impossible.

They would help her.

They _had_ to.

“ROY!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY ;_;


	14. jealousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo... i was reading waddiwasiwitch's drabble fic and on chapter two in the notes i saw the word "jealous" and this popped into my head  
> also these teenage royai fics are also all kind of in the same universe (apart from the aus, obvs) so there will be some throwbacks to previous oneshots  
> enjoy!

**_jealousy_ **

"Why did you say that to him?" Riza whispered furiously. Her eyes burned with an anger Roy had never seen before. She was always so mild mannered, quiet, and shy. Anger was not an emotion he would have associated with Riza Hawkeye, yet here she was, looking like she was ready to start spitting feathers.

"Because...!" Roy trailed off, brain failing to provide an adequate excuse. Riza waited impatiently for him to continue, becoming irate when said excuse failed to make itself known.

"That's not a reason!" she finally yelled. Roy jumped at the sudden volume. Riza never yelled. His heart sank as he realised that he may have totally screwed up here. "Why did you say that, Roy?" she demanded, pulling herself up to her full height. She stalked up to his frozen form, getting right in his face. She was a foot smaller than him, but the height difference made her no less terrifying. He begun to sweat under his shirt.

"Because..."

"If that's all you've got to say, I'll punch you in the face!" she threatened. It was in this moment he saw just how much his dumb comment to the boy she had been talking to affected her. Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes, but she made no move to wipe them away.

And that's what it had been, a dumb comment. Riza had never mentioned seeing a boy before. He was in her class at school. He was handsome, in a country sort of way. His muscles were defined under his school shirt, a sign of his work on the nearby farms. His sun kissed skin glowed in the afternoon light, making his eyes dance as the sun begun to sink lower in the sky. His blonde hair was long, sweeping over his ocean blue eyes that made most of the girls in the village squeal over. Roy knew, because he has heard them, and when he saw the boy talking to Riza an emotion surged within him, his brain telling him to get that boy away from her.

So, Roy, in his infinite wisdom, had sauntered up and slung his arm round Riza's shoulders with a grin. She had jumped in surprise, looking shocked he was even there to meet her. Roy never normally met her outside of the school gates. He waited down the lane but when he saw Riza talking to _him_ , he approached them both with renewed purpose. Riza appeared to be flustered and that was probably because of the physical contact between them, something they never normally shared. They were friends, but Roy knew that Riza wasn’t one to accept anything past a handshake. His intuition told him that in the way she held herself and how she shied away from almost everyone.

Part of his brain said he was doing her a favour, saving her from speaking to this guy who was getting _really_ friendly. The other, smaller, and quieter part of his brain said he was being an asshole.

Because he was jealous.

Safe to say Roy didn’t acknowledge that part.

In front of the school, Riza nervously asked why he was there, eyes darting between Roy and the boy. With a lazy grin he had told her he was there to walk her home like he always did, and that he was looking forward to spending time with her that evening after finishing his work with her father, all the while shooting a pointed look towards the boy, hoping he would get the message.

Oh, he did.

With a nod and a mildly disappointed look, he bid Riza farewell and ran to catch up with his friends. Riza watched, frozen under Roy's arm as a girl pounced on his arm when he arrived, wrapping her hands around it possessively as she tossed her hair in a bid to get his attention. She shot a look at Riza behind her before laughing at something the boy said. He then proceeded to wrap and arm around the girl's shoulders, Riza apparently already forgotten about.

Roy knew Riza heard what the girl said, because he heard it too.

"I don't know why you'd want to spend time with that weirdo. I've heard the whole family is..." She lifted a hand to the side of her head, twirling her finger in the air to pantomime that she thought Riza and her father were crazy. The boy’s friends laughed, but he didn't. Anger spiked within Roy as the boy offered no reply, he just walked off with them without sticking up for Riza.

Speaking of, the subject of his thoughts growled in frustration. "You are the _worst_!" she cried, stomping away from him towards home. She dipped her head, her bangs falling forward, but Roy saw the way her face crumpled and heard the hitch in her voice.

That was when his stomach really clenched.

And since when had she started to wear her fringe like that, across her face? Her bangs weren’t quite long enough yet for her to have proper bangs but whenever she did brush her fringe to the side like this, Roy noticed. He noticed, because he liked that look on her very much.

Had she worn it like that for that _boy_?

“Riza?” he called after her. No response. Her shoulders only hunched further, and she began to run.

She ran away from him.

He was such an _idiot_.

As he trailed home behind Riza he thought about what that girl had said.

Did her peers really think her father was crazy? Yes, he was eccentric, but he was a brilliant man. The knowledge he held for alchemy rivalled no one. Roy had never met somebody so passionate about the science before. He thirsted for knowledge just like Roy did and his alchemy skills were unmatched, that’s why Roy had asked his aunt to seek him out for tuition.

But Riza… She was the sanest person he knew. Isolated, sure, but Roy still wasn’t sure if that was by choice or not. He had studied with them for over a year, but he had still yet to find out everything about his friend. Riza never brought up her childhood and when Roy ventured in that direction, she always steered it away.

Sympathy filled him once he realised that this guy appeared to be genuinely interested in her. If her classmates saw her as a “freak” then she would be elated that somebody wanted to be her friend.

Roy had taken that away from her.

Groaning loudly at his stupidity and rash decision, he walked home, alone, while the picture of Riza crying tortured him in his mind.

Riza never cried.

“Riza?” he called upon entering the house. A door upstairs slammed loudly in response and Roy sighed. He debated what to do but realised he couldn’t put this off. Roy had hurt her, and in his eyes that was unforgivable. An apology wouldn’t cut it, but he would try.

He knocked on her door and the sniffling stopped. His heart clenched painfully in his chest.

All because he had been fucking _jealous_.

Dumbass.

“Go away,” a small voice called back to him.

“Riza, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“No!”

“Riza…”

The door wrenched open and Roy jumped in surprise, heart racing. “What?” she barked angrily. Tears had tracked down her cheeks, leaving trails of water down her face. They were smudged as she wiped her tears away. The sight of her red eyes made his heart clench again.

“I’m sorry, I –”

“I don’t care,” she retorted, opting to slam the door in his face. Instinctively, Roy stuck his foot in the way and hissed in pain when the wood contacting his foot roughly. Pain flared there and something clicked angrily.

“Please, can I just –”

“No, you can’t.”

“Then why did you open the door?”

“To tell you to _leave me alone_.”

“Riza,” he commanded her attention, bracing a hand on the door when she tried to close it once more. He wasn’t sure if his foot could survive another beating like that without a bone breaking. “I’m sorry –”

“That’s not going to cut it. Why don’t you _get_ that?”

“Let me explain!” he finally cried in frustration. The door opened further in her temporary surprise and Roy took advantage, edging himself further into her room. He had never really been in here before. They usually worked in his bedroom. He noticed just how… _empty_ it looked. There was nothing on the walls, no personal mementos on the vanity or windowsill like in his sister’s rooms. The bed was plain on the left wall, devoid of any cushions or childhood soft toys. The only thing sitting out was on the surface of her dresser, and it was a hairbrush conveniently placed next to her mirror.

Drawing himself back to the conversation, Roy continued. “I’m sorry, I was an ass. I thought he was bothering you so I thought I would help.”

“If you thought he was bothering me _why_ did you make a point of insinuating we were together?” she raged. A light blush crossed her cheeks, mirrored by Roy. That option had crossed his mind once, but he knew it would never happen. Riza didn’t seem interested in the slightest and she kept to herself all the time, only sitting with him after a fair amount of coaxing. It was only once he saw Riza talking to another guy that he realised he didn’t like that. He wanted Riza to talk to _him_ instead. He wanted Riza to laugh in that carefree way with him.

He had been jealous.

“That makes no sense!” Riza stated.

But that wasn’t fair to her. Riza owed him nothing. She wasn’t required to spend time with him. Late one night she had confessed how much she hated this house after her mother passed away. No wonder she didn’t want to associate with him so readily. Roy reminded her of her father and a place she loathed. Why _wouldn’t_ she want to escape with that guy?

At a loss for words at his revelation, Roy resorted to his default response without thinking how mad it would make her. “Because…”

“Roy Mustang, I am going to fucking punch you. Get. Out. Of. My. Room.”

“No.”

“If “because” is all you have to say then get out!”

“No!”

“Get out!” She shoved him harshly. Roy was so surprised he stumbled backwards and Riza slammed the door after her. There was a scraping noise on the worn wooden floor and with a _thud_ something was placed against the door.

Had she just… Locked him out?

_Oh, shit. What have you done, Roy?_

Was this worth it? Had his jealousy been worth it to illicit this reaction and fallout?

With jealousy, came feelings, and…

 _Oh…_ Shit _._

Riza never made it to dinner that night. Roy cooked something for them both and waited, but Riza never showed. Her father had dismissed him for the afternoon with a mountain of work to complete for tomorrow, but Roy made no move to start it. He couldn’t. He knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate with all this new information floating around in his brain.

He… _liked_ Riza.

When had that happened? _How_ had that happened?

The dining table chair scraped loudly on the tile as Roy pushed it back roughly.

Roy busied himself for the next half hour preparing a third and final meal. Balancing a plate, a tray, and a glass of water in his hands, Roy made his way up the stairs to Riza’s room. With a quiet knock, he placed the food on the tray on the floor.

“Riza?” he called softly. “You don’t need to speak to me, but I made dinner. I… I understand why you’re mad. I was a jackass and I apologise. I’d… I’d hate for you to go to bed hungry, so here. I hope you eat something, at least.”

No reply.

Roy sighed quietly to himself.

“Sorry, Riza,” he added sadly.

Guiltily, he walked away from her room and to his own.

His sleep was fitful, the guilt eating at him. He ran through every possibility in his head of how to fix this but came up blank. He had fucked up, plain and simple. He had hurt the one person he didn’t want to.

During the night when he finally gave up on sleep, he exited his bedroom – even _his_ room was more decorated than Riza – and headed for the stairs to get a glass of water. He stole a hopeful glance at Riza’s bedroom door as he passed, noticing the tray and glass was no longer there. Hope filled him, but Roy didn’t let it get the better of him.

He was startled when he turned on the lights in the kitchen to see Riza hunched over in a chair at the table.

“Shit!” he cried in surprise, not expecting to see her there. After calming his heart rate, he apologised quickly. “Sorry, Riza, you scared me.”

Her eyes never moved from the table.

“Riza?” Roy questioned, moving to get a better view of her face.

She was crying again, silently, alone in this dark room. Feet propped on the chair, Riza had her arms wrapped around her bent knees, her knuckles white as they gripped her legs tightly. Her body shivered violently in the cold but Riza either didn’t notice or didn’t care. Roy approached her slowly, placing a hand on her shoulder. When she flinched, he pulled away sharply, ignoring the pain in his chest.

All he wanted to do was gather her in his arms to stop her shivering, stop her suffering.

“Riza?”

"They think I'm a freak…” she whispered. “They all whisper about me behind my back.”

“Riza…”

“I don’t really care what people think,” she replied, voice very far away from him. “I don’t, but I can only take so much. I hear the whispers and brush it off, but some still stick with me.”

Roy felt his anger spike. How _dare_ they make Riza feel this way.

But he had done something similar, hadn’t he? His rash decision had caused this rift between them. Roy opted to stay silent and simply listen to Riza pour her heart out to him instead. For once, he shut up and listened.

“I can only take so much,” she whispered, voice quieter. Her trembling increased and her breath hitched loudly. Roy couldn’t take it anymore and he wrapped his arms around her, perching right on the edge of the chair. Riza sobbed against his bicep quietly. “And when someone in my class took a genuine interest in me, you just _had_ to come along and _ruin_ it, didn't you?"

Her bitter words were accurate and made him feel even worse.

“I’m so sorry,” Roy replied, voice hollow. He had no idea it had affected her this much. He was such an _asshole_.

She sniffed and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand, turning away and hugging her knees tighter. Roy never let up his hold.

“I had no idea, I…” She tilted her head up, her eyes boring into his.

He could tell her, or he could brush it off as a dumb mistake.

_Make your choice, Roy, but know that once the truth is out there, there’s no going back._

They were close. _Too_ close. Their breaths mingled together as Roy held her, noses just inches away from each other. Roy had never seen her this clearly before, in the dim light of her cold kitchen in the middle of the night. He gazed into her whisky eyes, trapped in them. Her bangs were ruffled, hair dishevelled overall. Her eyes were red and so were her cheeks.

He wanted to kiss them…

The realisation should have sent him into a panic, but it didn’t. He didn’t mind it thought at all. It felt right.

“I was jealous.”

Riza blinked at him. “Jealous?” she repeated as if she couldn’t quite grasp the word he was saying.

Roy nodded, his nose brushing against hers. It sent a jolt through his skin and Roy felt Riza jump in surprise beneath him.

“I was jealous. Of that boy,” he reiterated.

“Why?”

“Because he was looking at you in a certain way and you were doing it back…” Riza blushed a deep red, eventually turning away. She tried to shift from his hold, but Roy held steady. He motioned for her to move over in the chair. It was too small for the two of them, but Roy didn’t mind. In the moment, he didn’t care. Eventually, he pulled her onto his lap, tucking her head underneath his chin. Riza froze in place while Roy rubbed circles on her back.

“Like what?” Riza whispered.

“Like…” He struggled to find the words.

“You’ve _got_ to stop doing that,” she replied, her anger edging back into her voice.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I couldn’t think of how to reply,” he placated. “I… Most of the time I don’t really think before I speak, I leave it up to my actions instead,” he explained. “That’s why I made that dumb comment today.” He took a deep breath. “I said it because I was jealous that you were looking to him like that… and not me.”

Riza’s eyes met his slowly.

“I wanted you to laugh that way with _me_ … because… I… like you.” Roy shifted uncomfortably in the silence while Riza simply watched him.

“You… like me?” she questioned, disbelief clouding her tone.

Roy nodded. Nerves coiled in his stomach, but he wouldn’t back down now, not when they were getting somewhere. “Yes. _Like_ you.”

Riza blinked once more, her face heating up and turning pink again. He couldn’t help it. He grinned at the sight of it. She was too adorable right now.

Yes, she was probably still angry at him, and she had every right to be. However, Roy had a feeling they would be all right. As Riza sighed and shifted to lean against his chest, placing her head on his shoulder, he knew he was slowly making his way back into her good books.

“While I don’t approve of your methods, I guess…” She sighed again. “I think I _like_ you too, to be honest,” she mumbled quietly.

Roy grinned. He chanced his luck, pressing his lips to the top of her head to kiss it. It was a rash decision – he was making a few of them today – but he couldn’t resist.

He was still incredibly sorry to hear about her school life. Riza talked it through with him and Roy offered his support and comfort where he could. He vowed he would meet her outside the school every day from now on. He would show those kids that she was a worthy friend, worthy of being liked, worthy of being loved.

The sun rose slowly through the kitchen window as they continued to talk, and Roy had never felt closer to Riza in that moment. As they parted at the top of the stairs to get a final few hours of sleep, they gazed at each other for a moment, arms stretched apart so that only their fingers were touching, holding onto the other and not wanting to let go.

“I’ll see you in a couple of hours?” Roy asked, hopeful.

Riza nodded, a smile playing across her face. She squeezed his hand tightly. “See you in a couple of hours.”

The door to her bedroom closed softly and Roy sighed quietly. Ever since they had confessed over two hours ago Riza had found excuses to touch him and maintain contact. Not that he minded at all. Before she had maintained distance and formality, but now it appeared as if a dam had been broken. She’d let down a wall inside of her. Roy felt privileged to have been able to witness it and have access to what lay behind it. From now on, he would do his best to protect that information and make her happy. She deserved that much.

He fell into bed with a smile on his face.

They would be okay.


	15. there's someone you have to meet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i forget to post this? the answer is more likely than you think!  
> thank you to ssadropout for the idea!  
> a sequel to chapter 8 but only for happy reasons. i still want to keep chapter 8 sad af so.... kind of sequel? an au of an au?

**_"there's someone you have to meet"_**

"Shhh, baby, it's okay," Riza whispered to the wailing child. Bouncing on the spot had done nothing to soothe her infant child. She had a set of lungs on her, that girl, and half an hour later Riza's arms and feet ached. As little Iris continued cry Riza closed her eyes briefly, a tear tracking down her cheek, followed by another.

She couldn't do this alone.

She needed... She needed...

She needed _him_.

But he wasn't here anymore, and he wouldn't be coming back to her ever again.

He had promised he would at her father's funeral. Promised he would return to her. He didn't even know he was a father.

He died without knowing that they had created a new life between them.

Riza's chest ached, the emotional agony gripping her entire being as she failed to calm her child. She had failed. She couldn't even stop little Iris from crying, how was she going to raise her by herself?

Riza's sobs grew louder as the crushing weight of her situation suffocated her.

Roy was gone and he wasn't coming back.

The sound just made Iris cry harder.

Riza crumpled into the couch in her draughty living room, cradling her daughter to her chest tightly. It felt like a lifetime ago she had considered fixing up the old place, but, it had only been six months.

Iris eventually exhausted herself to sleep and Riza followed shortly afterwards, spent emotionally. The two lay on the couch, her baby girl on the inside against the back of it, and Riza on the outside.

Dawn filtered through the threadbare curtains, stirring Riza awake. She felt awful. Her head was pounding relentlessly. She'd maybe gotten about three hours sleep. Luckily, and thankfully, this time her dreams were nothing but endless darkness. No nightmares had plagued her that night.

Riza sat up, muscles protesting after being on the uncomfortable, old cough all night. She lifted Iris into her travel cot in the living room before shuffling to the kitchen to make some coffee.

Maes Hughes said he was coming over today. He made a point to visit once every two weeks. Riza told him not too – it must cost a fortune in train fares – but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Riza didn't know why he was so intent on visiting her. Riza had nothing to offer the soldier and he was just a reminder...

Maes was a beacon of happiness despite what he had gone through in the war. Riza couldn’t understand it. In contrast, she felt like a black hole around him, sucking up all the cheer in the room so it was left a grey, bleak mess.

That's what her life felt like right now. Grey, empty, and bleak.

The only thing pushing her forward was the soft glow from the infant in the other room.

Riza knew her behaviour wasn't heathy, and for Iris' sake, she should be better, but six months ago she found out the love of her life had died in the war and Riza had yet to move on. She was still frozen at her front door, begging Maes to tell her differently.

A knock at the door piqued her curiosity. Who was this? Irritation blossomed when she thought of the only person it could be.

Maes.

The man was a nightmare. It was barely passed dawn and he was calling on her _now_?

He was persistent, sure, but was he really this insufferable? There was only one person who visited the house nowadays, everyone stayed away after Riza closed herself off in her grief, so it had to be him.

"Maes, it's too early for this - "

Time stood still.

Riza's eyes blinked furiously, telling her brain to end this torture _right now_. It was not the first time she had imagined Roy returning to her.

But... There he was.

He had been facing away, back down the path of her overgrown front garden, and when he turned to face the opened door, he sucked air into his lungs sharply.

He looked... Thin. His clothes hung off his frame, military jacket sitting awkwardly on his shoulders. His trousers hung looser on his hips, sitting lower than they should have. His hair was much longer than it had been when he left. It fell over his eyes, obscuring them from Riza's view.

She knew it was him because she knew those eyes anywhere.

The pair were frozen in the doorway, a cold breeze entering the house that would no doubt stir Iris from her sleep.

Roy didn't know about Iris. He didn't know he was a father.

He was _here_. In front of her.

"Are you..." she whispered, voice incredibly quiet, as if speaking too loudly would break the illusion. "Are you real?" she finally got out.

"I'm back," he whispered softly. Emotion overwhelmed him, tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. "I'm sorry it took me this long, but I'm finally here."

Riza reached out tentatively, her fingers brushing the skin on his face. He sighed quietly, eyes fluttering closed.

He _was_ real.

With a strangled sob Riza stepped forward, meeting him in the middle as the two crashed together in an embrace. Her cries were loud and uncontrolled like the shaking in her body.

"Is it really you?"

Roy nodded, clutching at her desperately, like there was too much distance between them. "It's really me. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry this much."

"It was all over the radio," Riza sobbed. "They said you were missing in action, presumed dead." Her tone rose and fell in the octaves, unable to grab a hold of just one as her emotions overwhelmed her. "Maes told me you'd died. I stopped listening as soon as..."

"I was taken prisoner. They bargained for my freedom, but it took weeks. After that I was in... Rough shape. I was in the hospital in Ishval for three months. They couldn't move the intensive care patients, so I had to stay there."

“Oh my god,” she whispered, burying her face in his jacket. His smell enveloped her wholly and Riza felt a fresh wave of tears leave her. She had missed this smell. She had missed _him_. Still not quite believing it, her grip on his waist tightened and loosened frequently, as if trying to remind herself that he _was_ real. He wasn’t her in her dreams. Riza was awake.

"Did... Did Maes know – "

Roy shook his head. "He doesn't know. I'll phone him tonight. I came here as soon as I was discharged. I couldn't leave it any longer."

Riza grip on him tightened, horrified to learn he had been alone all this time, probably dying.

“I was told I was presumed dead,” he murmured, burying his face in her hair. “I wanted to contact you but had no way too. There was no postal service, they’d all left already. The phones were out because of frequent sandstorms. I’m sorry I couldn’t get word to you.” His voice dropped, thick with emotion. “I can’t imagine what it could have been like living all that time thinking I was dead.”

Riza’s grip tightened on him for the final time, squeezing his body tight. _He’s here_ , she kept repeating in her mind.

“I forgive you,” she replied. “Of course, I do. It wasn’t your fault. I just wish I could have done something to ease your suffering…”

“It’s okay,” Roy reassured her. “I got out relatively harm free. I sustained a wound that got infected during the event.” Riza appreciated he paused and left out the word “capture”. It sent terror flying through her being. “That’s why I was in intensive care, but I’m fine.” He pulled away, tilting her chin up to face him. “I’m back.” He chuckled to himself. “I told you I would always return to you.”

Riza sobbed, her mind taken back to a warm afternoon in a meadow near her house.

Disturbed from all the noise, Iris cried out in the other room. Roy jumped at the sound, his hold tightening on her. Riza pulled back further but couldn't let go. She wasn't ready yet.

"What was that?" he murmured, brow furrowing.

Riza smiled for the first time in what felt like a long time.

Iris cried out again, calling for her mother.

"Is that...?" Roy swayed in her hold. One of his hands flew out to the door frame, bracing himself on it to keep him upright.

"There's someone you have to meet."


	16. are you drunk?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dedicated to (and inspired by) waddiwasiwitch and also ruikosakuragi, two people who continue to support my writing no matter what  
> i love you guys!

**_"are you drunk?”_ **

Mustang entered his Aunt’s bar, weary from his long week at the office. He wanted nothing more than to sit until the wee hours of the night, enjoying some good whisky and forgetting about the source of his stress.

It seemed the universe had a much more interesting and entertaining set of events planned for him instead.

Roy sat down heavily on the bar stool, the top swivelling around to face his Aunt. The Madame raised an eyebrow questioningly. He knew what that look meant. _“What the fuck happened to you?”_. He could hear her saying it in his head.

“Whisky,” he ordered. “Neat.”

“Coming right up, boss,” she muttered. Roy frowned at her tone. He hadn’t ordered her, had he? Damn, he was letting this case get the better of him.

The top brass was pressuring him into accepting a new case, but something felt fishy about it to him. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but it just didn’t sit well in his gut. If he accepted it, and solved it, there could be a one-way ticket to Central with is name on it, along with the status of Colonel to boot.

Frustrated once more just at the thought, Roy scoffed and banished it from his mind. He was off duty, it didn’t matter now. He didn’t care about that manila folder that had been burning a hole in his desk all afternoon.

Christmas slid the glass along the bar carelessly, apparently disgruntled by her nephew’s behaviour.

“Who shit in your cereal this morning?”

“No one,” he scowled, tossing money to pay for his beverage atop the bar.

The Madame snorted. “You’re a terrible liar, you’re aware of that right? Have I ever told you that?”

“Multiple times,” he mumbled.

“Don’t mumble,” she barked. It was a pet peeve of hers.

Ignoring her disapproving glare, Roy explained his behaviour. “Sorry. I’ve had a long week and I just want to sit here and forget about it for now, not be teased by _you_ ,” he glared, but there wasn’t any real heat behind it. He felt like a goddamn teenager again, his foster mother grating on his nerves.

“Drink away your problems instead of facing them? Classic teenage Roy.”

“Excuse me?” he frowned.

Christmas chuckled. “You heard me, boy.”

Roy muttered under his breath, causing Christmas to whip the towel she was holding in his direction to make him stop.

“Leave me be,” he pouted childishly. “I need a fucking holiday,” he muttered, taking a swig of his drink, enjoying the way it burned down his throat.

“Oh yeah?” she asked, one corner of her lips quirking up into a grin. “Well, you’ll have to put that request on hold for now. It appears as though work has followed you here.”

Decidedly fed up with his Aunt’s games, Roy lifted his head. “What?” he asked, exasperated. The door to the bar banged open at the same time and two women entered, laughing and whispering to themselves. Christmas motioned towards them and Roy – too tired to fight her anymore – spun in his stool, only to freeze.

Riza Hawkeye and Rebecca Catalina had just entered the bar. What made him freeze, however, was just how _good_ Hawkeye looked. In their adult years he had never really had much of an opportunity to see her out of her military blues, but here she was, stumbling towards the bar in a long, forest green, dress, wearing high heels and a black leather jacket over her shoulders.

“Hey!” Catalina greeted Christmas jovially, as if they were old friends.

“Good evening ladies,” the Madame greeted warmly, shooting Roy a decidedly smug look. He knew where he got it from, at least. “What can I get for you?”

“Two shots of tequila, a rum and coke, and a whisky, please Madame,” Catalina ordered, leaning heavily on the bar to his right. Hawkeye stood to the left of him, unaware of who she was next to.

“Lieutenant?” Roy questioned, his brow furrowing in confusion. He wasn’t even aware Hawkeye knew this place existed. Roy had never told her about it. He would have never expected to have seen her here. Not in a million years. Plus, the way Catalina was so friendly with the Madame made him wonder just _how_ she knew his Aunt. “What are you doing here?”

Her eyes were unfocused as they met his, her pupils dilated. She grinned, but it was lopsided – and incredibly endearing. It made his stomach turn pleasantly. Roy crushed that feeling immediately.

“Hello, Sir,” she all but purred. It stirred something within him. “Enjoying my Friday night,” she grinned, taking his whisky from his unresisting hands and downing it in one go. He didn’t try to fight her simply because he was too damn shocked to even think about moving.

“Are you _drunk_?” he asked in disbelief. He had never seen Hawkeye drunk before. This was… very interesting. Blonde hair tumbled down her back as she threw her head back and laughed. Roy had never heard that sound come out of her before either. _Holy shit_.

“You’ve got Rebecca to thank for that,” she grinned, swaying slightly. As she leaned too much to the left, away from the bar, Roy grabbed her arm to stop her from faceplanting the floor. _I will eagerly thank her for that. Holy shit, Hawkeye is drunk!_

“Mustang!” Catalina shouted in greeting, slapping his back hard. He was sure it was supposed to be an amicable gesture but because it was Catalina, he was fairly certain she just wanted to hit him. “Fancy seeing you here,” she hiccupped, giggling.

“Yeah, crazy how the world works, isn’t it?” he muttered, still in disbelief.

“How have you been? Riza here says you’ve had a stick up your butt all day at the office,” she cackled.

“She did, did she?” Roy asked, twirling in his seat to face his Lieutenant, mock disapproval on his face. He couldn’t stay mad at her for very long though, not with the way her eyes were dancing like that in amusement.

“I call it as I see it,” she shrugged, reaching for his new drink one more time. Roy snatched it back, out of her reach. Before she could pout Christmas handed her own whisky over the bar to Hawkeye, which she promptly took a large gulp of.

Roy was dumbfounded. He had never seen Hawkeye this carefree before. It was… endearing, and a welcome change of pace. He had seen glimpses of this side of her of course, when the team went out for drinks together, but he had never seen her _properly_ drunk. It was fascinating to watch.

“So, come on then,” Catalina nudged him. He wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be gentle or not because he lurched to the right, bumping into Hawkeye who was standing a lot closer than he remembered, his drink sloshing in his hands and splashing onto his hand. Oblivious, Catalina continued. “What’s got your panties in a bunch?”

Irritably Roy mopped at the spilt whisky on his hand with a wet rag the Madame handed him. He ignored the knowing look in her eye and the smirk on her face.

“Nothing,” he replied casually. “Lieutenant Catalina, you also know I can’t talk about that outside the office.”

“We’re off duty!” she protested, as if that made things better, then she groaned loudly. “You’re so boring. No fun! How do you deal with it Riza?” Catalina asked the woman who had somehow shifted even _closer_ to him. Her hands were almost touching his on top of the bar. One wrong shift – or another “nudge” from Catalina – and they would brush together.

“You get used to it,” Hawkeye teased, her voice lower than anticipated. Roy risked a glance, seeing how she was _right there_ beside him. Unable to help himself, Roy’s gaze flicked down to her lips that wore a lovely colour of lipstick. How he would love to kiss it off her…

 _Oh shit_.

This was not good. They weren’t teenagers anymore. That thought was _grossly_ inappropriate –

Roy abruptly lifted his eyes to see amusement in Hawkeye’s. She smirked at him, her eyes amused. Tossing her hair, Hawkeye turned back to face the bar to down her shot, leaning closer to Roy.

_She…! She knows exactly what she’s doing!_

If they weren’t in such a public place, Roy would fight fire with fire. However, her behaviour wouldn’t seem that suspicious because Hawkeye could attribute it to the fact she was drunk. Roy, on the other hand, was very sober, so any retaliation would be called into question immediately. Not that anyone here would snitch on him, but you can never be too careful.

Deciding to let it go – and plot his delicious revenge for another time – Roy let the two women tease him further. Despite how much he grumbled at Catalina’s horse jokes about Hawkeye finally taming a mustang, he _was_ enjoying himself. He liked drunk Catalina. She was fiery to begin with, but alcohol just amplified it, and made her a worthy opponent to verbally spar with. Drunk Hawkeye was bold and unafraid to let loose. She finally sat on the stool next to him and occasionally swayed drunkenly, always towards him. Roy righted her every time, enjoying how he could touch the bare skin on her arms and how soft and warm it was.

She knew what she was doing, how she was winding him up, but was this… Was all this “falling over” against him on purpose? Did she _want_ him to right her every time?

The look in her eyes told Roy his answer.

The final time she did so, Roy gave her a soft smile, giving her arm a quick but subtle squeeze in response to the now sleepy smile on her face. When her hand shifted, bumping and coming to rest against his on the wood, Riza didn’t try to move away and neither did he.

It wasn’t much, but it was enough for now. In just a couple of hours Roy had seen Riza laugh freely, tease him mercilessly with Catalina – they were a formidable duo when they were together – and now she was beginning to lean her weight against his hand, her arm coming to press against his. Through the fabric of his suit he could feel her heat but longed to feel the hard muscles of her arms against his. Instead, Roy remained steady, clutching his third whisky tightly, holding steady against her.

Then, subtly, Hawkeye tried to swipe his drink again once the Madame told her both she and Catalina weren’t getting anymore alcohol, planting a tall glass of water in front of them instead. However, Hawkeye was sloppy in “Operation: Steal Roy’s Drink”, and with a chuckle, Roy easily lifted it out of reach. What he didn’t expect, however, was Catalina to pluck it out of his hands effortlessly and down it in one go.

The two women cackled with each other, noting the astonishment on Roy’s face. Christmas’ chuckled from behind the bar, appreciating the manoeuvre despite the fact she had stopped serving them alcohol.

“I suppose you will want another Roy boy?” Christmas asked. She had already begun pulling out the bottle.

“You two are going to leave me bankrupt tonight,” he grumbled, fishing more money out of his wallet. So far he had paid for three but only drunk one of them.

“Of course,” Catalina replied, batting her eyelashes at him. “What are friends for, right?” she proclaimed loudly, spinning in her stool as if to ask the whole room. The whole room being old John who looked asleep in the corner and drunk Bill who was asleep on the top of the bar.

It was then that Roy realised it was way past closing. They had been sitting here for three hours talking. Roy could think of worse ways to spend his Friday night. After that day at the office, his mood had improved greatly.

“Okay ladies,” Christmas proclaimed. “Closing time. Finish that water then I’ll let you leave.”

“And what if we don’t?” Catalina slurred, a smirk on her face. “We gonna have to stay here all night?”

Christmas raised an eyebrow. “I’ve got plenty of rooms upstairs if you want one.”

“Do we have to pay?” Catalina was suddenly very serious, her eyes clearing.

The Madame snorted. “Of course you do. This isn’t a charity.”

“Bummer,” she sighed. “D’you hear that, Riza?” Catalina crooned. “You could’ve been staying here with Roy boy tonight,” she giggled, particularly pleased about learning his Aunt’s nickname for him. He groaned internally. He’s never live that one down. Guaranteed by Monday morning the whole team would be aware of it.

“Hm…” Roy heard Hawkeye hum in agreement. As he turned his head to look at her, he felt something fall against his shoulder. Hawkeye’s hair splayed across it, falling down his own back as she rested her head on it. Her eyes were closed, breaths becoming more even.

A warmth spread across his chest as he looked down at her dozing form, followed by a genuine smile spreading on his face.

“Two lovebirds,” Catalina murmured, leaning her head against her hand while her elbow was propped atop the bar, slowly sliding forward into a more comfortable position. She grinned happily to herself, her eyes meeting Roy’s and crinkling at the edges. Roy chuckled to himself but couldn’t help but feel sad that this would never become the norm for them. However, he had experienced it for tonight, and the memory would keep him going for a while.

“Come on you two,” Christmas barked suddenly, making Hawkeye jump. Her head jerked off his shoulder before falling back down heavily. “Time to go home. Finish that water and I’ll call a cab.”

“Comfy…” Hawkeye breathed, sighing against him. Roy grinned.

“Lieutenant,” he admonished in his most authoritative voice, hoping that would get through to her. “You need to drink that water before you go home. I’m not letting you or Catalina leave until you do so.” Catalina giggled and mumbled something to herself, but it was unintelligible. “You too, Catalina,” he barked.

“Fine,” she sighed like a teenager. “Hey, Riz?” she called sleepily.

“Yeah?” was her mumbled reply from his shoulder.

“I bet I can finish this before you.”

It was comical the way her head shot up. Roy would have been sad to miss her heat and the pressure of her head, but he burst out laughing as she blinked and looked around, reminiscent of a meerkat.

“Oh, it’s on,” Hawkeye replied fiercely. Apparently, the pull of a bet and a challenge was enough to wake her up again. Roy placed the palm of his hand against his forehead as they goaded each other before racing to down their water.

Hawkeye won, but only by a fraction.

“Round two!” Catalina demanded, swaying on her stool.

“I don’t think that’s wise –” Roy begun but was promptly shushed by the Madame.

“If it gets them sobering up, don’t stop it,” she muttered conspiratorially to him.

“What you say?” Catalina demanded.

“Just taking bets on who will win round two,” Christmas lied smoothly. “My bet is on you, Rebecca.”

“Damn right!”

“Roy boy here, _of course_ , would never _dream_ of betting against his Lieutenant,” she added, eyes dancing with amusement. Roy groaned. Now Christmas had started.

Catalina laughed loudly. “ _Of course,_ he wouldn’t,” she grinned, mirroring the Madame, and shooting her a knowing look.

“Let’s do this, Sir,” Hawkeye slurred, determination clear in her tone. “I’ll win for us!”

Hawkeye won round two.

“No fair!” Catalina wailed, water dribbling out of her mouth and down onto her dress.

“Time to go,” Christmas announced. “Cab’s here.”

“Let’s go, Becca,” Hawkeye burped. “Wanna get some food on the way home?”

“Go _straight_ home,” Christmas barked, making them both jump. “D’you hear me? I won’t have you wandering the streets like that.”

There was a pause as the two shared a look. In unison, they snapped their heels together, raising their hands to their foreheads in a crisp salute.

“Yes, Sir!” they replied before bursting into peals of laughter. The sound was music to Roy’s ears.

“Come on, Riz,” Catalina ushered. “I’m beat. Thank you, Madame Christmas, Mustang. Always a pleasure.” Hawkeye threw out her own thanks, but it sounded like gibberish as she stumbled over to the door.

Roy felt this sudden urge to walk them home, but he knew the cab company Christmas used. Johnny would make sure the two women made it back to their apartments safely. He’d shoot anyone who tried any funny business.

But still… It would have been nice to walk Riza home…

Roy was left staring after them as they exited the bar, giggling once more.

“I’ve always liked that girl,” Christmas commented smugly as they left, busying herself at the other end of the bar and away from him.

So had he.

He thought about how Hawkeye had commandeered his drink, drinking greedily as if the whisky was water. The way she had pressed against him in her drunken stupor, her head on his shoulder, her eyes telling him she was _very_ aware of what she was doing. There would be no regrets for her tomorrow morning for her behaviour, that was for sure.

It had been inappropriate, but everyone in this bar worked for his Aunt and wouldn’t breathe a word about it. Riza Hawkeye knew just how to push his buttons, it seemed, and Roy found himself not minding that at all.

He spun back around in his stool, vaguely aware he had been staring at the door for longer than he should have, smiling to himself. He heard Christmas chuckle at the other end of the bar, but Roy didn’t care. Finishing off the last of his whisky – Hawkeye and Catalina had been too preoccupied with their water downing competition to try and swipe his drink this time, how considerate of them – only one thought occupied his mind as he shook his head.

 _What a woman_.


	17. i’m so in love with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did someone order team mustang paintball?

**_"i’m so in love with you”_ **

“Come out, Hawkeye!” Havoc called to her from somewhere very close by.

“Not like you to run from a fight!” Breda goaded.

_Two of them to the west, three unaccounted for._

Riza shifted her weight _just_ enough so she could peer around the corner of the wooden wall in front of her. Havoc and Breda popped into view immediately as they crept slowly through the trees with the precision their military training offered. Guns were raised in front of them, scanning the forest critically.

Riza smirked.

With precision she shot them both in the chest. There were two cries of surprise, followed by grunts of pain. Then silence.

Havoc sighed loudly. “God _damnit_.”

“She’s inhuman, I’ve decided.”

“We’ve known that for years,” Havoc muttered, his pride stomped on as he was bested. Orange paint splattered the vest strapped to his chest. He slung his paintball gun over his shoulder in defeat, eyes still scanning the forest to try and spot her.

“Let’s go. Hopefully the other three have more luck.”

Havoc snorted. “Like _that_ will ever happen. The boss is useless with a gun.”

Breda chuckled. “True, but finding the Lieutenant? He’s got a sixth sense for knowing where she is.” Riza frowned at their inappropriate joke.

She waited until they were out of sight, counting to sixty to ensure she really was alone before creeping out from her hiding spot. Riza was on high alert, hyperaware of her surroundings as she moved. Her grandfather’s idea of a team building exercise was turning out to be extremely enjoyable, especially for Riza. The six of them were assigned to an area of the forest, split into two teams of three, then three teams of two. Mustang had become cocky after winning twice and demanded for him to be on his own team, with everyone else trying to beat him. After his spectacular failure courtesy of Riza, he sulked and pouted, only perking up when Havoc suggested they do the same set up, but with Riza on her own team. The prospect of getting revenge perked Mustang up, and he was all for round two.

So far, she was up two to nil.

Mustang stomped through the forest, the king of attracting attention to himself wherever he went. Fuery was collected, but anxious at the prospect of a hidden enemy shooting him with painful paint bullets. Falman was the same. They both knew to fear the Hawk’s Eye in a game of paintball, and they were smart to. Riza was ruthless. Call it payback for all the shit she had put up with in the office this year.

Speaking of Fuery and Falman, Riza spotted them both as she moved to a different area. They were back to back, guns raised and poised to shoot, as they scanned and walked. She ducked behind a wooden crate, calculating her next move.

“I’m glad we left the Colonel behind,” Fuery muttered. “He’s too loud.”

Falman nodded. “He’s been too careless today. I understand it’s just a game, but I’d like to win for once.”

“We can do this,” Fuery replied, determination lacing his tone “I know we can. We just have to be careful.”

To give them their dues, they were extremely efficient in the way they scanned and moved, searching the area. However, they were forgetting their blind spots and Riza was inclined to remind them.

Feeling slightly sorry for them, she fired, hitting Fuery in the side of his arm and Falman in the side of his thigh. Both jumped and gasped in pain before hopping on the spot in pain.

“Oh, crap!” Fuery wailed. His gun fell to his side, body language defeated.

Falman sighed, rubbing his leg to try and rid himself of the pain. “Another loss for me.”

Fuery straightened, expression sympathetic. “Come on, let’s go and find out if anyone else has lost,” he mumbled.

Ten minutes passed in silence before Mustang came charging through the trees. Riza observed him momentarily, trying to calculate what his next move would be. Eventually, he begun to creep closer and Riza waited for the opportune moment to make her move.

Riza charged at him from her hiding spot, startling the Colonel. He recovered smoothly and raised his gun, firing off three shots in quick succession. Riza dodged them easily, moving to slide towards him along the ground. Her feet were headed straight for his ankles, hitting them at full speed. Using her momentum Riza pushed off the ground and stood, spinning to face Mustang who had crashed painfully to the ground.

“Have I told you lately how much I love you?” he asked, a sheepish grin on his face, an attempt to try and pacify her. Riza rolled her eyes. She fired once, hitting him square in the chest. He winced, gasping in pain.

The two of them stared at each other for a moment, breathing hard but frozen in time. Then Mustang grinned. “Well, damn.” Riza finally relaxed, lowering her weapon. “Hawkeye, that was badass.”

“Thank you, Sir.” Offering him a hand, Riza pulled the Colonel to his feet.

“I’m so in love with you, by the way. That demonstration just reminded me why.” Riza rolled her eyes for the second time in two minutes but couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across her face. “You love it really, don’t you?” he asked cheekily, giving her a wink.

“Of course, Sir,” she responded flatly, just to irk him.

“Boss!” Havoc called, still wearing his paint splattered vest. “I see even you fell victim to Hawkeye.” Breda muttered something under his breath, something she and the Colonel couldn’t hear but both assumed was wildly inappropriate. Havoc’s eyes widened in surprise before he snorted, falling into peals of laughter with Breda.

“I may have fallen victim to our brilliant sniper, but I fought valiantly,” he boasted, an utter lie. She knocked him on his ass and shot him at point blank range. There was no contest.

“Of course, Sir. I’ve never seen anything more inspiring,” she deadpanned. The whole team laughed while Mustang frowned, affronted by her comment.

“Cue the moment he stomps off petulantly in three, two, one…”

“Havoc?”

“Yo?”

“Do you have something to share with the class?”

“Not at all, boss. Just commenting on your inspiring actions in battle.”

Fuery snorted uncontrollably, surprising them all, and even Mustang couldn’t supress his smirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor fuery and falman, they just wanted to win : (  
> also emma writes humour/happiness? has hell frozen over?


	18. i want to take care of you

**_“i want to take care of you”_ **

“Shit,” Riza cursed softly, her head jerking as she flinched away from her fingers. She pressed them gingerly against the fresh wound on her cheekbone. That was going to sting for a while, and would no doubt leave a scar. She sighed quietly to herself. What was more frustrating would be her superior’s reaction when he saw the gash on her cheek. She could picture it now; the controlled fury in his expression, the way his eyes would dance with anger, and how his hands would form fists by his sides, steadying their shaking. While Riza could appreciate the fact someone cared about her, and was willing to look out for her, it was an inherent risk of the job. They all knew that. Besides, she would handle these idiots herself no problem. While revenge wasn’t something that drove her, payback was a bitch and these criminals would get what was coming to them. Riza couldn’t deny that it would be satisfying to see them put away for what they had done.

She was angrier at herself for this stupid mistake. One had gotten too close and with a razor hidden under his shirt sleeve he had slashed at her face. The wound stung and she winced as the cool air hit it while Riza ran as quickly and as quietly as she dared up the slightly rickety stairs in the abandoned warehouse. Riza was pretty sure the metal staircase was in violation of a building code somewhere but couldn’t bring herself to care. Instead, her jaw set, and she grit her teeth against the pain in her face.

Dust kicked up as she moved, irritating her nostrils. Forcing down the urge to sneeze and scrunching up her nose, Riza breathed through her mouth quietly, swiping at the blood on her face irritably.

A noise sounded through a door to her right. Raising her weapon, Riza steadied herself with one single breath. Then she kicked.

The door swung open with such a force it banged loudly against the wall, the hinges straining at the impact. Her eyes picked out two men in the darkened room. Blackout curtains were pulled over the window to hide the shady workings of the small, cramped room. That’s why she hadn’t been able to pick out anything from the outside during their surveillance period. Clever, but not clever enough to shut up shop when her and the team arrived, or to realise that there were people onto them. They were not the brightest of the bunch, and that’s why Riza was so annoyed with herself over this stupid cut on her cheek.

“Get down,” she barked. Both froze and in the light cast by her torch, Riza could see their fight or flight response kick in. One bolted for another closed door to the left while the other rushed her at the same time. The man trying to escape grabbed whatever was on the table and dashed out, bottles falling from his arms and bouncing on the floor as they fell in his haste to wrench open the door.

The man rushing her received a gunshot wound to the shoulder while she tracked the escapee, placing a bullet in his foot. With a cry they both fell within seconds of each other, crashing to the floor. Some of the bottles smashed in the escapee’s arms but Riza couldn’t find it in herself to care.

Securing both men, Riza left them a heap on the floor, and not a minute after she had done so, footsteps echoed down the hall. Raising her weapon, Riza breathed in relief as she saw Mustang and Breda enter the room. The room was dark, but she still angled her injured side away from Mustang’s view. They had more important things to worry about right now.

“Excellent work Lieutenant,” Mustang congratulated, head moving to face the two men.

“Thank you, Sir. I’ll wait with them while you direct the MPs.”

He nodded and breezed out of the door, black coat billowing behind him. Riza followed but stopped at the door, flicking the safety off once more and gripping her weapon tightly. She heard their voices echo down the hall, Mustang asking Breda to find a way to get the power on in the building.

That was partly why the criminal had gotten so close. It was so damn dark in there that in the large, open, and overcrowded room below, Riza hadn’t seen her assailant coming. He had vaulted over two crates stacked on top of each other, landing a kick to her chest and knocking her to the ground. She had reacted quickly, but her chest stung from the kick and her back ached from the impact against the concrete floor. With a roll she was crouched and aimed to fire, but not before he stabbed wildly, connecting with her face. Riza had swept his feet from underneath him, striking out as she lurched to the side as a reaction to the attack. With a heavy thud, he landed on his back and Riza restrained him, leaving him to struggle in between the crates while she pursued his friends.

“Lieutenant Hawkeye?” she heard Falman call from down the hall.

“In here.”

Falman came into view a few seconds later, holding up two torches. Flicking one on, Riza blinked in the sudden light. Her pocket one she used with her weapon didn’t hold a candle to the strength of those two.

She knew he had seen her face while she had been dazzled by the sudden light, because he froze and one of the torches moved to her face. Watching as his jaw set, without another word he pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to her.

“Thank you,” she replied, slightly touched by his thoughtfulness. Falman was always the one who was prepared for everything and Riza thanked him for it in that particular moment.

“Are you okay?”

Riza nodded. “One got too close in the darkness. He’s still downstairs.”

Falman nodded. “I’ll go retrieve him for the Colonel.”

Five minutes later the MPs entered the room, followed by Havoc, and collected the two criminals. One asked her about her face, causing Havoc to turn sharply to face her.

“What happened?”

Riza said nothing, her jaw setting and her stomach clenching. She knew this was going to happen, but it didn’t stop anger at her own incompetence spiking. Not wanting to talk about it, Riza opted to just get it over and done with. She would have to do it again very shortly anyway. With it being on her face no one was going to miss it, but Riza just wished her friends wouldn’t make such a big deal about it.

“Hawkeye?” Havoc warned when she still offered no explanation. His hand lifted to her face, fingers angling her head so he could get a better look at it and Riza didn’t resist. “What happened?” His voice was softer now.

“One of them got too close.” She tugged her chin out of his grip. “I dealt with him accordingly.”

“Go and see the medic. I’ll take over here.”

“No.”

“Hawkeye,” he warned, brow furrowing in frustration.

“I’m fine, Lieutenant Havoc.”

“That’s great, but sepsis isn’t. Go and get it checked.”

Riza frowned. She was unhappy, but she knew he was right. There was no telling what was on that blade and the last thing she needed was to suffer the effects of an infection. With a quiet huff she turned and left the room.

The medic was outside in the blissfully empty entranceway. She didn’t know where the team were, but she was glad she would have some peace while this was dealt with. The medic tutted and busied herself with preparing to treat Riza. After a round of sterilisation, the alcohol causing her wound to sting like hell, a dressing was placed over it and the medic gave her some extra for when it would need changed.

Just as she was finished being patched up, Mustang chose that exact moment to exit the warehouse. Breda was talking to him, but his eyes drifted over to the movement and locked on Riza’s. With a resigned sigh she turned away from him, preparing herself for the onslaught of questions.

“Lieutenant?” he asked, concern lacing his tone. Friendly concern was fair enough, but she didn’t like that look in his eyes. It spelled bad news and risky decisions. “Are you all right?” Mustang asked. His course altered immediately, making a beeline for her.

“Yes, Sir. One of them got too close in the dark,” she explained, tone sour. She still wasn’t happy with herself.

“What happened?”

Her eyes narrowed minutely, daring him to make her explain her shortcomings in front of someone. Breda was all right, but the medic? Luckily, the woman excused herself, obviously sensing the mood.

“Sir, I’ll go and direct the MPs,” Breda announced, his eyes focussing on a point behind Riza. Turning to look behind her, she saw a car pull up and the MPs exited, striding towards the trio. Mustang nodded, his eyes briefly leaving Riza’s face to glance towards the street.

“What happened?” he asked in that soft voice she loved but hated to hear in the workplace. It was a reminder that they were bound to their path and couldn’t risk any moments of weakness, no matter how much they wished it.

“I told you,” Riza replied, but not harshly. “It was a slip up.”

“No, to your face,” he clarified. “How bad is it?”

“Just a scratch, Sir.” It wasn’t. It was deeper than a scratch, but there was no need to worry him now.

He sighed, not believing her in the slightest. “Hawkeye –”

“ _Sir_ ,” she interrupted, reminding him exactly where they were. She knew that look on his face. She knew he wanted to run back in there and deal his own version of justice to whoever had hurt his Lieutenant. “I’m all right, I swear. The medic has signed me off to return to active duty. It’s nothing you should concern yourself with.”

He stepped aside and jerked his head, towards the warehouse. “Walk with me?” he asked quietly. Riza sighed and nodded, following behind him.

“I know you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself and I apologise if I made it seem like I didn’t.”

“You didn’t,” she assured him.

“But is it wrong for me to worry?” he asked quietly, pausing at the door, offering Riza to walk through first. “I want to take care of you,” he announced softly, his hand coming to her lower back to guide her through the door as they entered the warehouse. Riza sucked in a breath at the unexpected – but not unwanted – contact. “I know you don’t need it, but you’re hurt.”

“It’s a tiny scratch,” she explained, her injury not warranting this kind of reaction, however this was Roy she was talking to. When she was injured, no matter how severe it was, all bets were off with him.

“The offer still remains.”

“I know,” she replied, a small smile gracing her lips. “But we can’t.”

Mustang nodded in understanding, a quiet sigh leaving him. “I know,” he muttered. “It doesn’t mean I don’t want to.”

Riza stopped in between the dark crates. The lights were yet to be turned back on in the facility and the light from the open door was their only source, shrouding half of Mustang’s face in shadow. He watched her expectantly, expression turning mildly surprised when she pressed a hand to his cheek.

“Thank you.”

He lifted a hand to her face, his thumb grazing across her dressing. Riza’s eyes fluttered closed involuntarily, supressing a wince as even the slightest pressure made it sting. She still savoured the feeling of his fingers on her chin, angling it towards the light, and the sweep of his thumb across her cheek. A shiver ran down her spine.

The lights turned on and their quiet moment was interrupted. In their position they were hidden from view on every side. Havoc called for Mustang from the catwalk above, signalling that was the end of their conversation.

“Can I see you tonight?” he murmured quietly. “I can cook dinner?”

Riza almost refused. Almost. Risking it was a foolish move but that look in his eyes stopped her. It wasn’t the clearest in the dim lighting, but it spoke of promise. It told her that he simply wanted to ensure she was all right, and that he wanted to spend some time with her. The latter was something she didn’t want to pass up on, no matter what she told herself.

“Okay,” she breathed, resigned. When it came to Roy, she would always agree, who was she kidding?

His excited eyes and happy grin were enough for her. He gave her hand a quick squeeze before breezing off to find Havoc, his expression all business once more.


	19. bodgyguard au // unexpected virgin au

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a response to a prompt on tumblr from anon. this was a tough one to get started with but i got there in the end
> 
> for reference, roy is around 23 in this fic and riza is 20

 

**_bodgyguard au // unexpected virgin au_ **

“Again.”

A sword arced towards Riza and she dodged easily, her attackers fatigue clear in his movements. She frowned at his sloppy swing, making a mental note to correct that immediately.

“Again.”

“Hawkeye,” Roy groaned tiredly, giving up on his attack, stumbling to a stop. “Can we –” She never gave him the chance to finish, opting to launch a counter attack. With a surprised _oof_ Roy hit the ground hard as Riza pinned him in place. He blinked up at her in surprise, brain struggling to comprehend what had just happened.

“ _Again_.”

“Is that the only word you can say today?” he bit back, his pride hurt more than anything. She took great delight in pinning him because he was too cocky for his own good, especially in a sword fight.

She didn’t reply just to annoy him further.

Roy huffed irritably, raising his sword once more. He thrust harder this time, forcing her backwards as Riza parried his stabs. The edged towards the edge of the training ring she had set up and Riza smiled. Finally, he was working.

One thrust was unexpected and Riza moved right when she should have moved left. Roy’s sword bit into her arm, pain exploding in her arm. She gasped as a reaction, stumbling to a stop, hand flying up to the abrasion. “Oh, shit. Hawkeye! I’m so sorry!” Roy’s sword clattered to the ground and he rushed to her side.

Despite the sting, she was proud of him. That move had been unexpected and therefore he had been unpredictable. She almost smiled. He was getting better.

At precisely an inopportune moment, his butler announced his presence. “Mr. Mustang, Sir,” his butler welcomed. “Miss Vanessa is here to see you for a social call. I have directed her to the lounge for the time being.” The butler’s eyes fell on Riza. “Should I tell her to come back another time?”

That killed her smile, but it was Riza who answered for him. “That’s not necessary Jeeves, Mr. Mustang will be there shortly. Please inform Miss Vanessa he will be with her momentarily.”

Roy’s eyes turned to her once more, full of concern. The hand on her shoulder felt nice, the pressure warming her chest. Forcing it down, Riza straightened while maintain pressure on her wound.

“Riza –”

Ignoring how he said her name, Riza schooled her expression. “You need to go and see your guest,” she admonished. Roy had a fortune to secure, a reputation to build, not worry about his Weapons Master and bodyguard’s welfare. “I’m all right. I’ve had worse.”

He looked torn but duty won out – a regular occurrence for both of them – and Roy sighed. He picked up his sword but turned for his eyes to linger on hers for a moment longer.

“Will you be okay?” His voice was thick with concern, his eyes betraying his worry. He shouldn’t worry about her like this, he had a future suitor to attend to instead. When Miss Vanessa left, another would come, and then another. Riza’s heart constricted painfully whenever she thought about such things, but she closed that part of it off.  She always kept Roy’s at arm’s length. If she didn’t allow herself to feel when in his presence, then she could do her job effectively.

After being taken in by Roy’s adoptive mother when her father died, she had worked hard every day to earn her keep. Swordplay had become her speciality and upon seeing her potential, Chris Mustang had arranged for Riza to receive proper lessons. When the old Weapons Master retired, Madame Christmas had offered her the position, something Riza was eternally grateful for. So now, and every day since, she had pushed herself to ensure she was the best she could be for the Madame.

Now that Roy was going to receive his inheritance, the Madame had proposed Riza become his bodyguard.

“Someone needs to take care of that boy,” she had told Riza. “And the best person for that job is you.” If the Madame thought she was worthy then Riza would readily accept, and she did. Another way to repay her thanks for taking her in all those years ago. “You keep him sane and grounded,” the Madame added, expression cryptic so Riza couldn’t decipher her true meaning. “I can’t think of a better match.”

Her shoulder still felt warm from their unexpected contact. It spread down her arm and creeped across her chest. Sooner or later she would feel that familiar and unwanted tingle all over her entire body and that would lend to rather unfortunate circumstances.

“I will fetch the Healer at once, Miss Hawkeye.”

“Thank you, Jeeves.”

Inhaling deeply, Riza breathed through her pain, trying to forget the emotion she had seen in Roy’s eyes as he fussed over her.

* * *

Riza blinked at him. He wasn’t… He had never…? No. No way. “You mean… You haven’t…?”

His cheeks turned bright red and shook his head, averting his gaze. “No.”

“ _Ever_?”

“No,” he reiterated, tone becoming more irritable.

Hope filled her chest, but it was foolish. He wouldn’t go for someone like her anyway. He needed a wife who was unmarked by her past and had nothing but love to give him. Riza did love him, but she had so much baggage she would need a horse and carriage to transport it all. Roy had no idea the severity of it and Riza wasn’t going to start unpacking all of that. She might appear to be strong – many people had told her she was “a strong, independent woman” – she wasn’t when it came to her past, and that was something nobody needed to see.

In short, Roy needed a partner who would offer themselves to him completely, but Riza couldn’t offer him that.

He took a deep breath, exhaling in a rush. “I was waiting… for someone,” he added, voice lowering to a mumble. Riza had to strain to hear him.

Realisation setting in, dread pooling in her stomach, Riza nodded. Of course, he was waiting for the right person. He was waiting for the right woman to cross his path to make love to.

Riza had crossed his path years ago.

“I understand,” she replied, schooling her features once more. “I was just shocked by the revelation that is all. I… Don’t quite understand the necessity of revealing that information to me, sir, however I appreciate your honesty and trust. If that’s all you require of me, I will take my leave.”

A hand on her wrist stilled her.

“Riza,” he pleaded. “What are you talking about? We tell each other everything.”

No, they didn’t.

“You tell me everything,” she corrected, because he did. Riza was always open to listen to his gripes and troubles. Being his bodyguard meant she was his closest confidant, both jobs she took very seriously. However, she was technically his employee and had no right to refuse. Personally, she rather enjoyed listening to him talk about his life, but personal life had no place in bodyguard role.

“What?” He seemed thoroughly confused. “No, I…”

She turned to look at him. “I listen because as your bodyguard I need to be aware of your situation and frame of mind. That can reveal a lot about someone in a fight and it’s better to know beforehand.” A half-truth. She listened because she loved to hear the sound of his voice as he monologed about what how society was ailing him that day. When the territory moved towards his suitors, Roy always steered it away and Riza was glad. She couldn’t handle listening to how so many women loved and wanted to marry him. It would happen one day – Riza was aware of this – but hopefully by then Riza would have paid off her debt and would be long gone. However, judging by the frequency of Miss Vanessa and Miss Rosalie’s visits, that day would come sooner than Riza wanted it to.

“As a friend, I want to make sure you are all right,” she added, voice quieter this time.

“A friend?” he echoed. Surprised that was the one thing he picked out from the sentence, Riza nodded. “Right,” he replied, looking rather crestfallen. His hand freed her wrist and Riza drew it back to her side, the movement controlled as she wriggled her fingers to rid the warm feeling spreading up her arm once more.

“And we don’t discuss these things while we’re working,” she reminded him.

“Yes, but you’re always working,” he grumbled.

“Exactly.”

“Riza, I was waiting on you,” he blurted. As if realising what he just said, Roy’s eyes widened, cheeks turning pink He stuttered for a few moments, trying to recover from the outburst.

“For what?” she asked, brow furrowing.

“For…” he coughed awkwardly. “I, um, I wanted it to be you. Oh god, that sounds so bad.”

“Wanted _what_ to be me?”

He gave her an incredulous look. “Riza, I love you.”

Blinking back at him, Riza’s lips parted slightly in surprise. She barked a laugh. “Good one, sir.”

“ _No_ ,” he stressed, tone earnest as he closed the distance between them. Suddenly, Roy was _very_ close. She could smell his familiar scent of sandalwood. His entire presence assaulted her senses and Riza was trapped in it. “It’s not a joke.”

“No, that can’t be right. What –?”

Warm, soft, lips were on hers in an instant. Riza felt herself melt against his body, eyes fluttering closed at the sensation.

Then, she remembered just _who_ was doing this and her eyes widened. Roy couldn’t get involved with her. _Keep him at arm’s length._ Riza reared back, her hand striking out to hit his face. There was a _crunch_ as her knuckles made contact with his cheekbone and Roy stumbled backwards.

“If this is a joke, I won’t be toyed with this way,” she growled. “Ah,” she gasped, clutching her injured arm. The skin stretched as she punched him and Riza could feel wetness seep out from underneath her dressing. Her knuckles burned in response to the hit. _Why did he have such a bony face?_

“It’s not a joke!” he cried, rubbing his cheek. Suddenly, he was beside her again. “Are you all right?”

“No!” Panic welled within are as she realised she had just struck her boss.

“Why did you do that?” he asked, voice gentle as he took her sore hand in hers. Gone was his irritation.

“I – I –” Riza’s brain was frozen. _Oh god, he’s going to fire me. Then where will you be? Out on the street again with nowhere to call home, no friends or food –_

“Why did you pull away,” he clarified, expression hurt. _What?_ “I thought… Well, I _assumed_ you felt the same way. Apparently, I was way off,” he muttered, smoothing out her fingers with his palm, stroking her red knuckles. It felt way too good and this venturing into dangerous territory.

“What?” she squeaked, a noise that was very unlike her.

“I’ve always loved you, Riza. I thought you knew that. I understand if you don’t feel the same way and I won’t push you into anything. I don’t expect anything in return either,” he added hastily “I just… I wanted to get my feelings out there in the open, in case there was a possibility.” His thumbs began to move together across the back of her hand, the action doing unfair things to her. She could barely breathe, could barely concentrate. “I was waiting for you, though. I don’t know why I blurted out that fact before.” His embarrassment was clear on his face and in the way he averted his eyes to the floor. “I think I didn’t want you to think I was fooling around with anyone.”

“But… But… Miss Vanessa, Miss Rosalie –”

“A cover. My Aunt works very closely with the King’s informant, Captain Grumman. She had been teaching me how to gather and pass on information discreetly.”

“But…”

“There’s never been anyone else, Riza. Just you.”

She wanted to bark out a laugh of disbelief. She wanted to vomit from the feeling coiling in her stomach. Surprise, hope, dread… They all burned in there, creating a toxic cocktail of emotion that was threatening to explode.

“Please,” Roy begged. “Say something.”

“I…” What could she say? The person she loved, loved her back? All her personal worries and fears had just been soothed? That she wanted to kiss him but was too afraid to take that plunge because if she did, there would be no going back.

“I’m scared,” she whispered. All professionalism was dropped as she admitted her fear.

“Why?” he asked, cocking his head to the side. The grip on her hand tightened and he held it against his heart. She felt it _thump_ under his skin.

“I don’t really know,” she replied honestly, voice still barely above a whisper. “Because you’re _you_.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, a nervous laugh leaving him.

“You’re well-liked by all, especially the women. I’m not. I keep to myself and my weapons and don’t know much else.”

“Who said I wanted to be with someone who knew everything?”

“I’m plain,” she added, daring him to shift their relationship in the direction she knew it was headed. She saw that look in his eyes and it was only a matter of time.

“I love that about you,” he retorted. “You’re _real_. You’re honest and strong-willed, unafraid in the face of most things.”

“I’m nothing special,” she warned.

“You are to me. Always have been.”

She had run out of excuses as to why he shouldn’t love her like he obviously did.

“If you’re willing,” he added after her prolonged pause. “I would like to get to know this other side of you. Not Hawkeye, the Weapons Master, who kicks my ass on a daily basis,” he chuckled, giving her hand a squeeze. “But _Riza_ , the girl who stole my heart all those years ago with her soft smiles, her sarcasm, and incredible will. Can I do that?”

His eyes peered into hers, black meeting brown. Love meeting uncertainty. Acceptance meeting fear.

Her nod was imperceptible, but Roy saw it. He always would. Smiling brightly, he lowered his head to hers once more. With less punching this time, he kissed her and Riza felt a happy sob build in her throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ve always wanted to have a butler character called jeeves


	20. teachers au // green-eyed epiphany

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> response to a prompt on tumblr from flourchildwrites
> 
> i was given the option of doing both royai or havolina and tbh i did both i couldn't help myself teacher aus own me

**_teachers au // green-eyed epiphany_ **

“Who crapped in your coffee this morning?” Maes asked him as Roy sullenly took a sip from his to-go coffee mug. “You’ve been in a grump all day.”

“Have not,” Roy replied petulantly. He knew he had and the reason for that was sitting on the opposite side of the staff room. His gaze lingered on the woman for longer than it should have, and Maes noticed.

“Ah,” he replied, his tone suggesting all had currently been revealed to him. The sound of laughter drifted across to them and Roy tensed, causing Maes to chuckle at his expense. “So, it’s Riza again. Isn’t it?”

“No,” Roy replied, but it was a little too quick.

Maes chuckled and Roy wanted to hurl his coffee at him. The man was infuriating, and Roy wasn’t sure why he hung around with him. Friend or no, he was a pain in Roy’s ass who acted as if he had Roy all figured out. Either that, or Roy just let slip his true feelings in his mannerisms too easily.

Yeah, definitely the last one. Maes was smart, but he wasn’t _that_ smart. And he certainly didn’t have Roy all figured out, _that’s_ for sure.

 “Yes, it is,” Maes smirked, leaning back in his chair, steepling his fingers as he rested his elbows on the armrests. His voice took on a condescending tone. “Oh, did someone get rejected from a date? Did the great Roy Mustang finally get shot down?”

With a growl Roy grabbed his papers and coffee. “Shut up,” he scowled, adding more fuel to Maes’ fire. His friend simply laughed loudly, drawing attention to them. Deciding his coffee would taste better in his classroom, Roy headed towards the exit.

Unfortunately, he had to pass Riza in order to get out the door.

Van Hohenheim, teacher of Religious, Moral, and Ethical Studies, was making her laugh and Roy thought about how nice it sounded.

 _How_ you _would like to make her laugh like that, you mean._

“Shut up,” he muttered at the voice in his head.

“Hey, Roy,” Riza greeted, turning from Hohenheim. Her eyes danced with amusement, her smile radiant, causing his stomach to flutter.

“Hello, Roy.” Hohenheim offered his own smile. “Riza, I’ll speak to you later. I need to prepare for my next class.”

“Okay, see you later,” she bid with another friendly smile.

 _Was it friendly, or was it_ too _friendly?_

“How was your lunch?” she asked.

“All right,” he replied. “Sorry, I need to go.”

He felt slightly bad about leaving her there, but he wasn’t in the mood to listen to Maes who was _still_ laughing or deal with the fact someone else might like Riza like he did.

Oh my god. Was he _jealous_?

No, he wasn’t jealous. He wasn’t. He was –

Oh my god, he was.

The knot in his stomach twisted tighter at the revelation.

This… this was not good. He needed to get out. He needed to escape. Another epiphany was on its way to the front of his mind and he couldn’t realise it now, not with so many people watching.

_Roy, you’re being an idiot. You know that, right? Hohenheim is married and has two kids._

He _was_ an idiot.

Not quite believing he had let his thoughts and emotions run away from him like that, he coughed in embarrassment as he descended the stairs to the ground floor corridor to begin the long walk to the opposite end of the school.

To make matters worse, he had Hohenheim’s kid in his next class. Edward Elric was a gifted student who hated Roy for a reason he had yet to comprehend. The boy hadn’t _said_ anything to him directly, however, Roy had seen the graffiti in the bathrooms. While Edward’s words were incredibly creative and descriptive – something that made English teacher Maes Hughes incredibly impressed and proud of Ed – they were not the most pleasant. And Roy _knew_ it was him. He would recognise those chicken scratches anywhere. His tests were barely legible however Roy knew every answer would be right. The kid had a gift with chemistry. It was too bad he didn’t apply it to other aspects of his life, like respecting his elders. The worst part was, Ed _knew_ that every answer would be right as well.

Grumbling to himself as he retreated to his classroom, Roy sullenly thought about how he couldn’t catch a break lately.

First, he thought Hohenheim – a happily married man with two kids, one of which Roy taught – was getting too friendly with Riza. _It was only too friendly because you didn’t want it to be. She was happy to talk to him. You wanted it to be_ you _making her laugh like that_. Secondly, he just discovered that he might actually be jealous because he was too nervous to talk to Riza himself and venture into the territory of possibly going out to do something out of school hours, rather than chaperone a trip to the science centre in Central City together. That had been an experience, and not the good kind. In short, it ended with Roy chasing down a chicken that had somehow, _magically_ , come free from an exhibit while a certain golden haired teenager cackled madly to himself while Riza watched with a smile and shook her head.

That smile had made it all worth it.

The moment of clarity hit him in that instant, clutching his now cold coffee, the grip on his papers now crumping them into a mess.

He was jealous because he was in love with Riza.

It all made sense. It was idiotic, jealousy had no part in his life, but regardless, it was there, and it just confirmed feelings he had been hiding from since he met her. There had always been something between them, but neither were bothered about it or interested in taking it further. Well, that’s what he thought anyway.

He was… in love…

 _Oh,_ shit _._

“Roy?” he heard Riza call to him.

Cringing at the unexpected conversation – and therefore requiring a bullshit reason as to why he had appeared to be in such a bad mood leaving the staff room – Roy turned and gave her what he hoped qualified as a smile and not a constipated look. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, of course. Why?” he replied automatically. The question had been asked without thinking, and he was regretting it now. That three-letter word opened up an excuse for Riza to turn it back on him and ask why he was in such a foul mood.

“You seem… Off. Is something bothering you?”

 _Yes_. “No.”

Riza eyed him critically, approaching him. He felt himself straighten when she was finally in front, the faint smell of her perfume wafting pleasantly towards him. The papers he was holding under his arm were clutched tighter. Very soon they would be a lost cause.

“Something _is_ bothering you. I know it is.”

Roy resisted the urge to squirm underneath her gaze. Once he finally met her eyes, he was pulled in by their warm caramel colour. Oh, how he would love to lose himself in those eyes…

Riza’s expression softened and she smiled, as if she finally figured out what was wrong. He felt himself sweat, his shirt sticking to his back uncomfortably. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” _Well, that was a pathetic squeak, wasn’t it?_

“Not even over coffee tonight, after – and outside of – school?” she asked. Roy blinked in surprise back at her. That was not… what he expected.

“Uh, yeah. Sure,” he replied, feeling very graceful as he stuttered over his words. Riza’s smile was bright, a knowing look crossing her face. Did she just –

The shrill ring of the bell signalling the end of their lunch hour almost cut off her reply. “It’s a date.” With a grin she turned around, heading back the way she came.

 _A date_. Roy grinned to himself, feeling slightly idiotic in the slowly filling hallway. However, nothing would put a damper on his afternoon now. He had a date with Riza Hawkeye tonight.

Suddenly, his next class didn’t seem so bad.


	21. all for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey! I was wondering if you're taking requests? If you are do you think maybe you could do a royai fic where Roy gets injured badly and its partially Riza's fault? Like she rushed in or something? If not I understand ❤️ keep up the good work btw I love your writing 💕" - Anon

He had to move. He had to get there _now_. If he didn’t, Hawkeye and Havoc’s lives could be in danger.

 _Move, move, move!_ His feet pounded the pavement to the beat of that word in his head.

They had been pursuing an arm’s dealer for a few weeks and Roy had dispersed the team to search different areas of the city where they could be holed up. Hawkeye and Havoc had been assigned as a team, dispatched to the warehouse district. Breda and Fuery were sent west but were now hightailing it to the warehouse district. Roy had held back at the office because Fuery informed him Falman had been trying to contact him. However, apparently there had been a bad storm near Briggs and communication lines were down for an hour before Falman could get through.

It was Falman himself who explained the situation to Roy. It appeared Briggs had _finally_ caught wind of the possibility of their cover being blown and his former comrade desperately detailed what would happen should the team blow Cole’s cover. _It only took them three weeks to realise_ , Roy growled to himself. _How is the military_ this _incompetent? Sending its own soldiers to pursue each other._

“It was need to know only, Brigadier General, sir,” Falman elaborated in a hushed tone. Even though the worst of the storm had passed, the line still crackled with interference. “And once I caught wind of what was happening, I couldn’t leave you in the dark.”

“I appreciate that, Falman,” Roy replied gratefully, his mind elsewhere and running a mile a minute, trying to figure out how to alert the team to back off _immediately_. “Thank you.”

“I won’t keep you sir, I know you have work to do,” Falman stated, tone changing, voice rising in volume. Someone was nearby and possibly listening in.

“Thank you, Falman. I’ll be in touch.”

“Sir.”

The warehouse came into view at the end of the street Roy just turned onto. The nondescript beige building didn’t look like it was housing an undercover operation, however that was the whole point. Apparently, Olivia Cole, their target, had been meeting here with the Drachmans, so even her base of operations needed to look convincing. The paperwork there alone would incriminate the Lieutenant to Hawkeye and Havoc.

Only Olivia Cole wasn’t an arm’s dealer. Second Lieutenant Cole was in fact in the middle of an undercover operation from Briggs to locate the _real_ arm’s dealer who was smuggling Drachman weapons into Amestris. She had worked with the real Drachmans, but had yet to discover the mysterious identity of the ring leader. This warehouse was where Cole and her new “friends” were located. If Hawkeye or Havoc shot Cole then there could be severe consequences. Hawkeye would follow her gut and if even the slightest thing appeared off about the Briggs’ soldier, or if any of the other men tried anything, she would shoot to incapacitate her, leaving the undercover operation blown wide open, giving the real target a chance at escape.

General Armstrong had a soft spot for Hawkeye, however this operation was top priority, Falman explained, and probably wouldn’t hesitate to berate and possibly court martial anyone who disrupted this for the Briggs’ soldier.

That’s why Roy needed to get there before it all went to hell.

The door had been propped open with a piece of metal piping. Roy eased himself in carefully, wary of not putting too much pressure on the metal as he eyed the rusty hinges, daring them to make a sound to announce his presence.

“Get down,” Hawkeye commanded, and Roy heard a gun cocking as he entered the main room.

“You don’t want to do this,” an unfamiliar female voice told them sternly. Lieutenant Cole. He edged further into the room, weaving in and out of the maze of crates which probably housed “weapons”. Props. The only real weapons in here would be the ones Cole had obtained from the real arm’s dealer.

Roy crouched behind a crate, eyes peeking over the top as he took in the scene before him. Lieutenant Cole was on her knees, hands behind her head, gaze defiantly staring back at Hawkeye and Havoc. Both his soldiers had their guns trained on the Lieutenant. Other men were beside Cole, the real Drachmans, each with a face of thunder. His Lieutenants had done a grand job getting them all on their knees and surrendered, however this wasn’t good.

 _Shit_. Hawkeye’s finger repositioned on the trigger.

He could snap. He could activate his array and use the flames to push them back from Cole, but there was no knowing how much gunpowder was in these crates. If Roy did that, the explosion could be catastrophic.

_Think Roy, think!_

“I would reconsider, Lieutenant Hawkeye,” Cole tried one final time, her face twisting into an angry snarl. Roy’s gaze snapped between the “arm’s dealer”, her men, and Hawkeye, who was a second away from pulling the trigger. Cole stared right back at Hawkeye, eyes dangerous. She looked every bit the part of a Drachman spy, and sounded like it too, her accent thick. Falman wasn’t joking when he said this was a serious operation. Cole wasn’t budging in her resolve or tempted to reveal anything despite the fact she might very well be incapacitated there and then.

Cole’s hands begun to move from behind her head and that was when Roy begun to move. He vaulted over the crate with ease, breaking into a sprint towards the standoff happening only a few metres away. He knew he only had a matter of time, because he knew Hawkeye had already made her decision. As soon as Cole’s hands moved, Hawkeye’s expression turned neutral and her finger begun to depress the trigger.

It was stupid, it was reckless, but if it saved Hawkeye’s life, and her career, Roy would do it. He always would. Cole’s “men” begun to shift too, hands reaching for hidden weapons.

This was the only way Roy could think of to stop Cole from getting hurt, and therefore ending the Briggs’ operation. It would give them the element of surprise as well. A Lieutenant shooting one of her own would cause enough confusion that it may just stun Cole’s “comrades” to prevent them from shooting.

Havoc noticed Roy running at them in a full sprint, and so did the Drachmans. Havoc’s lips parted in surprise, realisation dawning on him that something was _very_ wrong. The Drachmans looked confused, faces twisting in anger as they spotted another Amestrian soldier. Roy heard Havoc say something, but his entire focus was on reaching Hawkeye before that bullet left the chamber.

Roy didn’t even hear the gunshot. He just kept running. There were two shouts, one from Cole and one from Havoc, as Roy felt his body jerk. Hid right shoulder twisted painfully from the force of the bullet, spinning him around to face Hawkeye. He saw her face as he fell to the ground, mouth parted in shock, expression horrified. Roy crashed painfully onto his side, his brain finally catching up with what his body was feeling. He gasped, pain exploding throughout his entire body.

His right shoulder burned intensely. It was almost as bad as when he had sealed his wound closed two years ago. There was a wetness spreading across it and down his arm. His left shoulder, that had hit the ground, ached and he was sure something had _crunched_ inside as he fell. Roy felt pain in his hip too, which had also contacted the ground roughly.

“Shit! Boss!” Feet pounded the concrete below him as the Drachmans fled, obviously noticing who exactly it was bleeding out in front of them.

Havoc rolled him over onto his back and Roy groaned as he moved. It was too much. Spots danced in his vision, the edges greying as the pain become too much for him. However, he still had a job to do. He had to protect his subordinates. He was partly responsible for this mess and it was up to him to sort it out.

“Don’t,” Roy managed to get out. “Don’t… shoot her.” His head rolled to his right, seeing Cole blinking at him in surprise. She was frozen in place, hands poised above her head, the other men long gone. Why she had decided to provoke Hawkeye and Havoc, Roy didn’t know, but it pissed him off. Surely the solider – a _Briggs’_ soldier – knew the implications of moving from a position of surrender like that while under scrutiny at gunpoint.

Another wave of pain washed over his body as Havoc put pressure on his wounded shoulder.

“Sorry, Boss,” Havoc muttered.

The question regarding Cole was for another time.

“Shit! Hawkeye!” Havoc barked, head snapping up. “Phone an ambulance! Now!”

Roy’s head rolled back to his left, gaze lazily moving towards Hawkeye. The look on her face made fear coiling in his own stomach. She was pale, _so_ pale. Her eyes were wide with terror, the gun barely being held in her grip anymore as she stared back at her superior.

Surely the implication of what she had just done was weighing on her mind. That thought would have made his stomach clench if he were not so focussed on his fading vision.

Roy had known this was what he was stepping into when he ran from behind that crate. Taking that bullet and saving Cole’s life meant scrutiny wouldn’t fall on Hawkeye and Havoc. By taking out Cole, Hawkeye would be ending the Briggs’ operation. If anything, Roy would be the one under scrutiny for sending his team into this mission, which ultimately ended in him being shot. However, he could play the card that he was unaware of the situation and was only following orders. So were Hawkeye and Havoc, however they were “less valuable” to the military – a thought that made his blood boil – so wouldn’t be exempt from punishment. A Brigadier General diving in front of a bullet for his fellow soldier would add enough heroism that it may just get them out of this messy situation unscathed.

Plus, they could play it off as the criminals who begun the shootout. It wasn’t right, but until Cole’s operation ended, that was what the military would be led to believe.

This would just leave him with a hell of a set of consequences to deal with personally, rather than professionally. He’d take that and protect Hawkeye any day.

“Hawkeye!” Havoc called desperately. The former had yet to move from the spot, her hands trembling, the gun shaking in her loose grasp. It clattered to the floor. Roy heard movement and Cole spoke quietly and urgently, her accent gone, giving her identity to an operator and calling for an ambulance.

Wave after wave of pain engulfed Roy and he didn’t last much longer under consciousness. He was feeling lightheaded, the roof above him spinning sickeningly. He was losing blood and judging by the pulse he could feel in his injured shoulder, it was a lot.

No sound came out when Roy opened his mouth, trying to speak to his subordinates. It was too much of an effort to move his head one final time, so he tried to convey to Hawkeye what he wanted his say just though his eyes.

 _I’ll be fine_.

_Please, don’t be mad._

_Don’t blame yourself._

The ceiling finally dimmed, his eyes closing as he heard a very distraught and choked yell. Riza was yelling his name…

* * *

_What did you_ do _?_

Riza barely felt the blanket Havoc had draped over her shoulders. She sat with her elbows resting on her knees, hands clasped in front of her, head bowed in shame, anguish, pain, you name it.

 _You shot him_.

Riza shuddered, taking a shaky breath. Her hands gripped one another even tighter as she tried to control the shaking in her body, her knuckles white.

 _You fucking_ shot _him._

There was a pressure on her back, and she jerked. Havoc had taken up a spot next to her on the uncomfortable hospital chairs. His hand rubbed lazy circles on her back in an attempt at comfort and to soothe her, but Riza’s mind was in too much turmoil.

She had shot her superior officer.

She had shot _Roy_.

The ever-present urge to vomit creeped its way back up her throat.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Havoc reminded her for what felt like the hundredth time. “He dove in front of that bullet to protect Cole.”

“Why,” she whispered.

Havoc shrugged. They had only recently been filled in on the situation by Fuhrer Grumman, who stopped by a short while ago to see how the Brigadier General was doing. “The doctors are doing their best for Brigadier General Mustang now,” was all they were told. That bile crept higher and higher every time that explanation floated through her head.

 _If he dies_ … _Because of_ you _…_

Riza thought her fingers might break if she gripped them any tighter.

Havoc sighed, gently prying her hands apart and taking them in his. “Hawkeye? Look at me.” It took her a while, but she finally did. Havoc’s eyes were understanding, and sympathetic, but there was a certainty in them. “This was _not_ your fault. He chose to dive in front of that bullet. Mustang _chose_ to do that. You were only doing your job, and this was an unfortunate result of Mustang’s rash decision.” Havoc huffed a laugh. “You know how he is. Especially when it comes to us. To _you_.”

Riza stiffened in her chair as Havoc gave her hands a quick squeeze. He stood from the chair, fingers diving into his trouser pockets to pull out a packet of cigarettes. He appeared to be calm, but Riza recognised the signs of stress. His face was pulled tight, his movements stiff as he walked to greet Breda. Havoc’s tone was strained as they conversed quietly, too quietly for Riza to make out what was being said. Before she knew it, Breda sat down in the chair Havoc had just vacated.

“He’s a dumbass,” Breda remarked quietly with a humourless chuckle. “I can’t believe he did that. Well, I can absolutely believe _why_.” Breda shook his head. “ _To protect her and Havoc_ ”, apparently. Riza shuddered, picturing Mustang’s face as he was hit, body jerking and spinning towards her, eyes wide with shock, expression twisting with pain.

And she had just _stood there_ and done nothing as Havoc yelled at her to phone an ambulance. It had been their so-called “arm’s dealer” that had saved his life and protected him.

Not her, Mustang’s bodyguard.

 _You’re useless_.

Lieutenant Cole fled the scene after placing the call, just as Breda and Fuery arrived. The MPs and the ambulance were only a few minutes out as the other two team members took in the picture before them, Mustang bleeding out on the floor and Havoc yelling for help. Riza had just stood there, body shaking uncontrollably. Fuery wrapped an arm around her shoulders in comfort, trying to soothe her, but she heard the way his voice shook in fear at seeing their strong, caring, and fearless leader dying on the floor.

Breda disappeared and when the MPs entered with their guns drawn Riza thought they were there to arrest her. Something coiled within her then, her fight or flight instinct kicking in.

“Where is the shooter?” one barked, eyeing the crates that could have been hiding an assailant. Riza tensed.

“They fled out the back,” Breda barked, pointing in the opposite direction Cole left in. “We arrived just to see them shoot at Mustang and then escape. Lieutenants Havoc and Hawkeye were here when it happened.”

The MP’s gaze snapped to them both. “Did you see them?”

Havoc had always been quick to think on his feet. He backed away from Mustang as the paramedics loaded him onto a stretcher and placed an oxygen mask over his mouth. Riza noted Havoc’s hands were bloody. _You caused this_. He nodded. “I saw them. I saw them shoot the Brigadier General,” he snarled. Riza thought his anger was targeted towards her.

“It was the situation,” he had explained quietly as Breda drove them to the hospital behind the ambulance. “I wasn’t angry at you.” His fists clenched atop his knees. “If anything, I’m angry at Mustang. He chose to do this to us without warming. And, we were left in the fucking dark by General Armstrong and Fuhrer Grumman and he had to pay for it. So, did you.”

“Hawkeye?” Breda called to her, giving her shoulder a shake. She was roughly thrown back into the present where the never-ending ache that throbbed throughout her whole body came crashing back into her consciousness. The shaking had almost stopped, but her mind was still punishing her severely. “You with me?”

She released a shaky breath and nodded, unable to speak.

“Shit,” Breda murmured. His head snapped up, looking down the hall. Riza’s head slowly moved to look as well, seeing MPs approaching them. If she moved any faster, she thought she might snap and break in two, that’s how tightly she was wound.

Riza really wasn’t in the mood to talk to them right now.

 _You’d have to tell them you fucking_ shot _him._

“Lieutenant Hawkeye, we would like to ask you –” She shut her eyes, blocking out their voices.

“Lieutenant Hawkeye is in shock at the minute. The shooters targeted her before ultimately hitting the Brigadier General,” Breda lied smoothly. Riza’s eyes popped open in surprise. “I witnessed the attack and can answer any questions you may have.”

Riza watched as the MP’s lips pursed, clearly unhappy, but nodded in agreement. “Right this way, Second Lieutenant Breda.”

* * *

As Roy opened his eyes, he heard someone in the room gasp quietly. Groggily, he blinked, his eyelids taking a while to respond to his brain’s request. The harsh, white light blinded him, and, in that moment, everything came rushing back. The warehouse. Cole and Hawkeye. The bullet entering his shoulder.

Hawkeye’s horrified expression.

His head lolled, rolling to face the direction he heard the gasp from. Hawkeye sat by his bedside, posture stiff and expression stricken. Her eyes betrayed her true feelings. Terror, shame, concern… They were all there.

“Lieutenant?” Roy croaked. The pain that had been a dull reminder in his shoulder flared suddenly and he hissed in pain, closing his eyes. He never saw Riza’s pained expression. “Are you okay? Where is Cole?” There was a pause, so Roy opened his eyes again, teeth gritted against the pain. He froze when he saw Riza’s expression.

“Fled the scene, sir,” she replied. It was barely perceptible, but Roy heard the wobble as she said “sir”.

 _She thought this was her fault_. That much was obvious, and, of course, Hawkeye would think that. _He_ had chosen to do it, to protect her and Havoc. It was dumb and ridiculously reckless, but it saved them a world of trouble.

“Good. And you? Lieutenant Havoc?”

“All right, sir. Fuhrer Grumman filled us in on the… situation.”

He breathed a sight of relief. “Good.” _They were safe._ “I must apologise, Lieutenant. I acted without thinking and you paid the price for it. I’m so sorry.” His earnest eyes met hers, which were grief stricken. She nodded, but the action was stiff.

“Understood, sir,” she replied sharply. His gaze flicked down as he noticed movement. Her hands were atop her thighs, fingers digging into the fabric of her trousers. They were white with the force of it as she tried not to break apart.

“Don’t you dare blame yourself for this,” Roy added, tone disapproving. “I chose to do this of my own free will.”

“Why?” she finally choked out, that one syllable telling Roy all he needed to know. She was hurt as to why he decided to throw himself in front of her gun and desperate for an explanation.

“To save you.” Hawkeye blinked back at him in surprise. “Cole was part of an undercover operation, as you now know. If you had shot her, the whole thing would be blown open and you may have been court martialled by Briggs for interfering with the mission. The fact you weren’t aware of it would be overlooked if Cole died. And I know you never miss.

“Plus, with the other Drachmans present we could play it off as a shoot out that ended unfortunately for me.”

“Sir, I…”

“Yes, Lieutenant?” She was obviously struggling, and Roy’s voice softened. “You’ve never held back before, Riza.” Her gaze snapped up to his at the use of her first name. “Don’t hold back now.”

“I _shot_ you,” she let out in a rush.

“You didn’t,” he replied patiently. “I moved in front of that bullet.”

“It was because of _me_ that you were shot,” she tried again, voice rising in volume.

“Riza,” Roy replied slowly and carefully, his tone suggesting she should calm down and _think_. He wasn’t sure how long he had been out for, but he knew for a fact that Hawkeye would have been blaming herself this whole time. “ _I_ chose this. Not you.”

Suddenly, her hands gripped his good arm tightly. They were cold against his skin, a momentarily uncomfortable sensation, then he felt himself relax at her touch, as he had done so many times before.

Hawkeye took a moment to compose herself, eyes closing briefly. Roy watched with fascination, but hating how he had done this to her, knowing he would do it again in a heartbeat if it protected her. The niggling sensation in the back of his mind, reminding him this was just another thing to add to his “The Ways You Have Hurt Hawkeye” list, never went away though.

“I shot you,” she repeated. Just from her tone Roy knew this had been repeated in her head over and over. “Something I promised I would never do.” At his confused expression, Hawkeye elaborated. “Never without clear intent.” She took a deep breath. “I swore an oath to protect you from harm, and I take that very seriously, sir –”

“Riza, please,” he begged her. They were so beyond superior and subordinate right now.

“And I wasn’t able to protect you from myself,” she continued, too lost in her own self-destructive thoughts to hear him. “I’m useless.”

Roy gripped her hand tightly. “Don’t you _ever_ say that.” His dark eyes pierced hers, daring her to challenge him. “ _I_ was the useless one. _I_ didn’t figure out what was going on until the last second. I sent the whole team out to find Cole, and it was Falman who informed me of the operation, at great risk to himself.”

“Falman told you?” Hawkeye asked, momentarily distracted.

“Yes. He called before I left HQ. I would have reached you all sooner but there was a storm that cut the communication lines with Briggs. I was almost too late.”

“Why… You jumped in front of the bullet,” Hawkeye muttered. This was something she was struggling to wrap her head around and, to be perfectly honest, Roy was still baffled as to how his brain decided that was the best course of action. All it had taken was seeing Hawkeye being dismissed from the military, demoted, taken from his side, and he knew he had to so something, _anything_ , to protect Cole and her operation.

“Because I knew it would give us the advantage, the element of surprise. I don’t enjoy being hurt, contrary to popular belief at this point,” he joked, pleased when he saw one corner of Hawkeye’s mouth quirk upwards to a smile, then it was gone. “But if Cole was injured and I had to call it in using her identification, and the Drachmans overheard, the real target would catch wind of it and flee, blowing her cover and all she had worked towards.”

Hawkeye nodded as she processed the information, posture slowly relaxing. They weren’t out of the woods just yet. It would take her a long time to come to terms with what happened today, but so long as she understood he did this of his own volition, that was all that mattered right now. Yes, she had shot him, but he put himself in front of that bullet to protect Cole and, ultimately, Hawkeye. He couldn’t take her being removed from his team again. Riza thought she was useless, but it was _he_ who was the useless one without her. Without Riza Hawkeye his whole team would fall apart, him included. She was the glue that held them all together, no doubt about it. Roy was sure the whole team would agree on that one.

He couldn’t take her being court martialled either. Whether it would have come to that or not, Roy wasn’t sure. He was glad he would never have the opportunity to find out because he couldn’t lose the woman he loved like that.

“Just… Promise me one thing?” Hawkeye asked.

“Anything.”

“Please try to be less dramatic, sir,” Hawkeye replied, eyes becoming sad once more, the grip on his hand tightening. “No more jumping in front of bullets.”

“Who is the one giving orders here?” he quipped, raising an eyebrow in amusement. He chuckled at her stern glare, giving her hand a squeeze. “I will,” Roy promised. “For you.”

“Thank you… Roy.”


	22. blame // trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If you have the time, could you write a royai oneshot where a mission for ed and al goes wrong and they find nothing on getting their bodies back and they narrowly avoid getting killed, so ed is angry and blames mustang and says that he'll eventually get his whole team killed and that no one really trusts him and Roy's upset about it so Riza comforts him? By the way, I really love your royai oneshots and your havolina oneshots. I have a guilty pleasure for both royai and havolina" - Musicbook20, tumblr

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ve never written anything like this before, so thanks for the new challenge! also, prepare for angst (as per usual with me khgfsd)
> 
> if anyone else has a requests hmu!

“Edward –”

“No!” Edward growled, expression twisting in anger as soon as Roy spoke. “Don’t “Edward” me!” he yelled, his tone mocking as he repeated back his own name. Roy blinked then frowned at the sudden anger. He could understand why he was angry, but this reaction was bordering on ridiculous. Then again, this was Edward Elric he was talking about. If one was to look up “violent verbal outburst” in the dictionary, Edward’s picture would be there. “You blew this for us, you bastard. I hope you understand that!”

“Ed –” Roy sighed, tired of this argument already. The whole ride back to Central HQ, Edward had silently fumed in the backseat of the car after yelling his distaste at Roy’s interference as a serial killer was so close to killing them. So, sue him, for not wanting the two brothers to die. Was that such a crime? He effectively got them into this mess with the military, the least Roy could do was look out for them as much as possible.

“ _Why_ did you arrest him? Is it because you just don’t want to ever see us get out bodies back?” Edward raged. “Why even _bother_ to assign us under you if you aren’t going to help?!”

“Major Elric,” Roy barked, his patience almost gone. Hawkeye stiffened beside him, shifting her stance slightly. “Control yourself.”

“One day,” Edward stated, eyes narrowing, his automail finger pointed menacingly at Roy. “You’re going to get your whole team killed, and I doubt you’ll even be sorry about it.” Hawkeye opened her mouth to reply, but Alphonse didn’t give her the chance.

“Ed!” his brother cried in shock. His fists clenched by his side, stance shifting in disapproval. “Stop it!” However, Edward wasn’t listening to any of them, Roy realised it now. He was a teenager throwing a tantrum because he didn’t get his own way. More like a fucking toddler.

Fine, let him have his tantrum. It would be the last time Roy tried to fucking help him.

“Mark my words, Mustang,” Edward continued, voice ice cold. “You _will_ get them all killed one day, just like Brigadier General Hughes –”

Roy’s blood ran cold. There was more than one gasp from the rest of the team behind him. Hawkeye stepped forward, but Roy threw his arm out to stop her. No, if Edward had something to say, Roy wanted to hear it. He was a masochist that way. This was what Roy deserved.

“Ed!” Alphonse shouted. This was the angriest Roy had ever heard him. It was not an emotion that should be associated with Alphonse Elric.

“None of them even _trust_ you, that’s why –”

“Ed, shut up!” Alphonse shouted. That seemed to get through to his brother, because Edward finally stopped his tirade, rounding on his brother.

“What, Al? It’s true!”

“That’s _it_!” If the situation wasn’t so serious, Roy might have laughed as Alphonse dragged his spitting angry brother out the door to the office by his shirt, the door slamming loudly behind them, shuddering in its hinges. They could still hear Edward yelling down the corridor, demanding Alphonse let him go.

Yes, it would have been funny. He might have laughed. Instead, Roy stood there as Edward’s words washed over him, shame, guilt, and uncertainty following close behind.

“Sir –” Hawkeye began, tone low, with an edge of anger to it.

“Get back to work,” he commanded, leaving no room for argument. Roy walked over to his desk, although even he had to admit it felt wooden. He was still too busy reeling from Edward’s words.

_They don’t trust you._

_You’ll get them all killed._

How often had it happened now where he voiced those thoughts in his own head?

* * *

Mustang barely said a word to anyone else for the rest of the afternoon. Instead of his usual milling about the team’s desks, hoping to find conversation and therefore a way out of his paperwork, he remained at his desk and actually did his work.

That was why Riza knew Edward’s words had affected him.

Edward had been… justified, somewhat, in what he said, although Riza didn’t approve in the slightest. In fact, she had felt angry towards the oldest brother, her eyes flashing in response to his words. Not only because they weren’t true, Mustang did care about them _all_ , no matter what Edward appeared to believe, but because she also knew Mustang would take it to heart. He had only been trying to save the boy’s lives, and had succeeded, but because they lost a solid lead to their newest connection to the Philosopher’s Stone, Edward saw it as a personal attack against them. He was understandably frustrated, they _all_ were for the brothers, but that verbal lashing was unwarranted, especially the mention of the late Brigadier General.

Alphonse was the complete opposite. He had been horrified to hear Edward talk in such a way to Mustang and had angrily told Edward to come back and see them when “he was no longer acting insane”. The youngest brother had waited with them all afternoon, but eventually, and apologetically, left for the evening around an hour ago. He was ashamed of his brother’s actions, that much was true. Breda had explained to him why Mustang interfered.

The man they had been pursuing, Arthur Commons, was a serial killer in Central. This was unknown information to Edward and Alphonse. They hadn’t mentioned a name when they revealed they were pursuing a lead, but when Fuery heard over the radio that Commons had been spotted, and Edward and Alphonse were with him, Riza had put two and two together – at the same time Mustang had – and they were up and out the office within two minutes. The last thing they needed was a serial killer who targeted children luring the two brothers in with false information about the Philosopher’s Stone.

Once Alphonse found that out, he stewed silently for a while before leaving, probably to find Edward.

Five o’clock came and went and Mustang made no move to leave the office. The other men left, shooting their commanding officer concerned looks, while Riza reassured them quietly that she would take care of it.

“Sir?”

“You trust me, don’t you?”

Riza hadn’t expected that to be his response, but how could it not be? Her posture relaxed and she rounded his desk. Mustang sounded so… dejected. She couldn’t let him wallow in this any longer.

“Do you even have to question that? At _this_ point in our lives?”

“I told myself that was the last time I helped them.” He exhaled forcefully through his nose, as if trying to laugh. “But I know it won’t be. I couldn’t to do that to Alphonse, no matter how much of a little shit Edward is.”

“I know, sir,” Riza replied. “He was just frustrated, that’s all. We all knew the plan, but they didn’t. From the outside, I could see why Ed reacted the way he did. He had no idea Commons was a serial killer. I still don’t think he does.”

“He wouldn’t have let me get a word in edgeways, either,” he muttered under his breath, scrubbing at his face tiredly.

“Are you okay, sir?” Riza asked, noticing the darker circles under his eyes.

“Yeah, it’s just…”

“What, sir?”

“I…” He sighed, sitting back in his chair. Mustang tipped his head back and gazed up at the ceiling as he spoke, rather than meeting her eyes. “I keep thinking about what Ed said –”

“Sir,” Riza warned, gearing up to tell him it wasn’t true. All the men on his team trusted Mustang with their lives, he should know not to question that by now.

“Let me finish, please. I kept thinking about what I did in Ishval, and how I betrayed your trust.” His gaze lazily made its way down to meet her own, as if afraid he would see validation for his own fears in her eyes.

“Sir, we’ve talked about this,” she reminded him gently, moving so she was closer. This was a moment of comfort, and Riza was wiling to give it to him. She always would be. She placed a hand on his shoulder.

“I know, but today reopened a fresh wound.”

“You did what you had to do.”

“You were so angry, though.”

The hands that had been playing absentmindedly with his rank stilled. “I was.” Her reply was simple, cautious. “Only because I didn’t understand. Once I’d heard Bradley had decreed the murder of the Ishvalan people, only then did I understand. We both did horrific things. I won’t justify it to say we did it to survive, because we didn’t. Not really. It wasn’t a life or death situation. We were ordered to murder innocents, plain and simple.” Roy’s hand lifted to cover her own, his skin a welcome sensation on hers. “We did it because were too young and stupid to know otherwise. However, now,” Riza inhaled, placing her other hand on his other shoulders, giving them a quick squeeze as she stood behind him. “We fight to ensure nothing like that happens again.”

“Right.”

“And there’s no one in this world I trust more to head this fight, than you.” She felt Mustang relax under her hands while he gave them a quick squeeze, his thumbs stroking the backs of her hands. “Please,” she added, tone softening. “Don’t doubt my trust in you again.”

“I always knew you trusted me, I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t blind.”

Riza chuckled softly. “You should know by now that could never happen. You gave me permission to shoot you, should you ever divert from the right path, so it wouldn’t do if I was blind to your actions.”

“I suppose your right,” he smiled up at her. Her heart fluttered happily in her chest. She was pleased she had been able to soothe his fears for the moment. When Edward came back, however, that would be another battle they needed to win.

A knock at the door interrupted their quiet moment. Riza straightened and moved towards it, smiling back at Roy as his hand outstretched to follow her own, clearly wanting to hold onto it for as long as he could.

When Riza opened the door, Alphonse’s metal arm shot past her, holding Edward by the scruff of his jacket, and shoving him without ceremony before her. Riza blinked at the older brother, slight disproval on her face. _How_ could he have doubted Mustang’s loyalty to them all?

“Ed has something he wants to say to you,” Al announced, sounding like a mother rather than Edward’s brother.

“Can I… Can I talk to you?” Edward mumbled, eyes cast down to the floor.

Riza looked back towards Mustang, who’s expression was schooled and controlled. He leaned back in his chair, eyes scrutinising Edward. He certainly looked sorry for what he said, and Riza supposed that was something.

“All right, Edward.” Mustang’s voice held a coldness to it and for once, Riza wasn’t opposed to it. She watched Edward shuffle inside the room, her own cold eyes watching him. Like a dog with its tail between its legs, he stopped before Mustang’s desk.

Riza closed the door behind the Elrics and moved over to the coffee pot. She had a feeling this was going to be along evening.


	23. understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I was wondering if for your royai and havolina oneshots you could write something where rebecca can't understand why Jean trusts and follows roy and why riza loves roy until she sees roy take a bullet to the chest for riza and how upset and hysterical riza is about it. Later, Havoc explains that mustang would go to great lengths to protect anyone of his subordinates and how mustang had saved his life once and rebecca finally gets why they all trust mustang so much?" - Patsy Koala

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why do i keep hurting roy so much lmao sorry dude you got glacked again
> 
> thank you for this request! i had so much fun writing it (angst is here again ladies and gents) and i hope you enjoy it!
> 
> (also remember when i said a few chapters back these were all kind of "connected" in the same universe, excluding the straight up aus? 👀)

Rebecca Catalina couldn’t understand it. Why did Riza Hawkeye follow Mustang so readily and without question? Just by looking at them, she could tell they shared a bond, but why? Curiosity always got the better of her. Every time she tried to set up a date for Riza they only lasted one or two before her friend would shrug and tell Rebecca she wasn’t interested in them. Rebecca had been frustrated as time wore on but seeing Riza and Mustang together she could see why Riza’s attention was always elsewhere.

However, it didn’t explain the trust and love. It was clear as day Riza loved him. Every time Rebecca would mention him, especially by first name, a small smile would appear on Riza’s lips and her gaze would shift, staring off into the distance for a fraction of a second.

 Mustang always appeared to be sleeping around though. Rebecca knew, she had seen him. He got _very_ cosy with the women he met up with in the evenings at this restaurant and that bar around the East and Central. This had been going on for years, but why did Riza love him so much, and not question that behaviour? Not react to it? The one thing Rebecca didn’t want was for Riza to get her heart broken by him.

But as she watched Riza clutch a dying Roy Mustang in her arms, she finally understood. She had gotten the wrong end of the stick for years, but seeing them both in this situation, everything slotted into place. Jean’s words echoed through her head at that precise moment, still frozen in shock from what she had just witnessed.

“ _Mustang acted like he didn’t care,_ ” Jean had told her, when Rebecca questioned – in frustration – why Riza followed Mustang so readily for years. “ _And that was exactly it, just an act, to throw off the higher ups and alleviate the suspicion such a young officer in such a high position would hold._ ”

“ _What do you mean?_ ”

“ _Think about it, Mustang acted lazy and played dumb, yeah? It was so he wasn’t seen as a threat. Back then, if the Generals had any idea about how he_ really _was, and what his true goals were, he probably would have been restricted in his movements, kept in the same place so they could continue towards their plan for the Promised Day.”_

“ _Okay, that makes sense_ ,” Rebecca agreed. “ _But I don’t get_ why _Riza followed him so blindly. She could have done so much more._ ” _So much better_ , Rebecca had also thought at the time.

“ _Oh, definitely_ ,” Havoc agreed without hesitation. “ _But after Ishval they both made a promise to each other, to reach the top and prevent anything like the genocide of the Ishvalan people from happening again._ ”

“ _That’s why –_ ” Rebecca cut herself off, finally realising.

Havoc nodded. “ _That’s why they did what they did. If they’d pulled the same stunt as Armstrong, the homunculi would have succeeded on the Promised Day._

“ _Make no mistake,_ ” Jean added gently. “ _He cares about_ all _of us, not just Hawkeye. He loves her so much. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like it before, and the feelings are mutual, which is why she is top priority to him, and vice versa._ ”

Rebecca understood that now as Riza stood over her commanding officer, feet straddling his bleeding body, firing off rounds in quick succession, two assailants falling like dominoes. There was a coldness in her expression that Rebecca had never seen before.

The four of them had been enjoying drinks at Madame Christmas’ bar that Friday night. Rebecca was behind the bar, looking after the place while the Madame took a night off.

After the Promised Day Rebecca had found her new calling in life after meeting the infamous Madame Christmas. Deciding this line of work was more thrilling than the military, she had been taken under the Madame’s wing, and had begun to learn the way of information gathering. Plus, all the eye candy that came through the door was also a nice bonus. There was only one man on her mind nowadays though.

And her first shift overseeing the bar? Four armed men had entered the bar, firing shots.

As the door banged open, Mustang had turned sharply, even before Riza.

“Riza Hawkeye?” On instinct, she begun to turn, a frown on her face as she didn’t recognise the voice.

Rebecca couldn’t comprehend what her mind was seeing. Seeing the metal glint in the lamplight, Mustang’s stool fell as he launched himself out of it to wrap his arms around Riza’s midsection, his black coat billowing out behind him like a cape. If only it had moved upwards, covering them both from view. He pulled Riza into his arms as two guns fired, the bullets entering his body. Mustang fell to the floor with a _thud_. Before he hit Rebecca already had her gun out and fired at the man closest to her. She was rusty with a firearm, being out of the game for so long, but she could hold her own.

However, nothing could have held a candle to Riza Hawkeye, even when she was calm. This Riza had nothing but cold fury to fuel her, and that was _much_ more terrifying. The assailants never stood a chance.

When Riza hit the floor, Mustang’s dead weight on top of her, she sprang to her feet beside Jean – who fired at another shooter – taking out the other two. This Riza was anything but calm. Before Rebecca could blink the two assailants were on the floor.

Then the screaming started.

“Roy!” one of Christmas’ girls screamed. Another poked her head around the door to the back, a hand flying to her mouth as she took in the scene. Rebecca quickly barked an order at them to hide upstairs, still unsure of the situation and how secure the bar was.

“Nobody move!” Rebecca shouted. She vaulted over the bar and sprinted for the door, pistol raised and ready to fire. Jean was before the door right after her. Shooting her a quick look, his expression grim, she nodded. He kicked the door open and exited through, gun raised and ready to be trained on anyone who would dare shoot at them. The street was empty, save for a black sedan parked haphazardly outside.

“I’ll keep watch,” Jean announced, voice tight. “Get an ambulance.”

“Right.”

Rebecca raced back inside, only to come screeching to a halt. Mustang was on his back, a worryingly large pool of blood spilling onto the wooden floor. Riza was bowed over him, her eyes boring into his own. Rebecca saw something fall onto his face. A second later, she realised it was water.

Riza was crying.

One of the girls was already on the phone for an ambulance, speaking with such a calmness, it suggested she had done this before.

“No, no, no,” Riza whispered over and over. Her hands were spread across his torso, putting pressure on his wounds. One was near his shoulders, the other down near his waist. “Roy,” Riza called to him, voice broken. It made Rebecca’s breath catch in her throat. It took her a few seconds to get moving, but Rebecca eventually crouched by Mustang’s side and gently moved Riza’s hands. Her friend’s eyes tore away from Mustang’s, flashing in a challenge.

“Let me,” Rebecca urged, placing her own hands over the bullet wounds.

After Riza removed hers, she brought them to Mustang’s face.

“Riza,” he groaned, the coughed. Blood spattered on Riza’s face, and she flinched, but didn’t appear to be bothered by it.

“I’m here,” she replied. Her bloody thumbs stroked against his cheekbones, making bile rise in Rebecca’s throat. She had seen death, seen bloodshed, but this was so much worse. Mustang had never been her favourite person in the world, but she didn’t dislike him. Rebecca had always admired his drive and ambition to change this country for the better. When she had discovered he was leading the coup against Bradley – and why – her respect for him only grew. What she hadn’t liked, was the way he acted, especially towards Riza. It had been clear from _very_ early on that Riza was smitten with Mustang. It was hardly a surprise when Riza admitted it to her in confidence years ago.

Rebecca had struggled to figure out their relationship – and Mustang’s feelings – ever since.

Riza looked distraught, broken, terrified, right now, emotions Rebecca would never have associated with Riza Hawkeye. But when it came to him…

 Where the _hell_ was that ambulance?

“Good,” he muttered, eyes closing. “Good…”

“Stay with me,” Riza begged, shifting on her knees and readjusting the grip on his face. it caused his eyes to flutter open and that was enough for her. “Roy, stay with me! You don’t get to die, not like this.” They remained closed, not reacting to her words. Rebecca watched as the panic begun to rise in Riza. “No! Roy, open your eyes! We have so much left to do. You promised…” she whispered, tears falling thick and fast now. “You bastard, you promised!”

“I love you,” he replied, voice barely above a whisper. Rebecca had to strain to hear it. “Remember that…”

“Roy!” Riza screamed.

“Riza?” Rebecca called urgently to her, trying to break through her hysteria. To be perfectly honest, she was terrified. Rebecca had never seen Riza react this way to anything _ever_. Seeing the wild panic, the fear, the hysteria, Rebecca finally understood why Riza Hawkeye followed Roy Mustang.

She loved him, and he loved her. Pure and simple.

Mustang coughed underneath Rebecca, his body shuddering with the effort. Rebecca’s hands shifted, slick with his blood, and she fought to keep them in place.

“Get… somewhere safe… please.”

“I’m not leaving you,” Riza shook her head. “I’m never leaving you.”

“We’ve got the place on lockdown, Roy,” Rebecca told him. His head rolled, his unfocussed eyes looking in her direction. “There’s nothing to worry about, we’ll take care of you.”

“Thank you,” he breathed.

“Just – Just stay with me, Roy. Please,” Riza begged, a hand moving up to his hair and stroking it down. The same hand made its way back to his face, cupping his chin. “I can’t do this without you.”

The door burst open once more and a teary eyes Riza Hawkeye lifted her firearm without hesitation. Rebecca’s gaze snapped up, but she relaxed upon seeing the paramedics. What she didn’t miss was how much Riza’s hands were shaking.

Riza had a death grip on Rebecca’s hands all the way to the hospital. Jean drove them behind the ambulance, weaving in and out of traffic, the emergency vehicle never leaving their sights. Rebecca didn’t think anyone would dare stop General Mustang’s car as it raced after an ambulance, in which he lay dying.

The worst part was not knowing his condition.

Despite their urging, Riza refused to leave the waiting room to return to her apartment. Mustang had been taken into surgery eight hours ago and they had yet to receive any word. The rest of the team joined Rebecca, Riza, and Jean in the small waiting room, each looking exhausted but worried. It had been midnight when Jean made the calls and here they were, at eight o’clock in the morning on a Saturday, still all gathered in silence as they awaited Mustang’s fate.

Breda had sat in a chair for most of the night, lost in thought. His elbows rested on his knees, hands clasped together, covering his mouth, he stared at the linoleum tiles below him. He was the only one who regularly broke the silence. He asked questions regarding the shooting. “Why did they target Hawkeye?”, “Were there anymore?”, “Was this over?”. Rebecca watched his brain run a mile a minute trying to figure out the mystery. After an hour or two – Rebecca lost track – Breda left for a while. When Rebecca got up to stretch her legs, she heard him on the phone down the hall, speaking in a low voice, asking someone to go to the Madame’s bar and secure the area and collect evidence.

Fuery looked desolate when he entered the room, eyes fearfully finding Riza’s stricken and tear stained face. Apparently, that was all he needed, and the young man nodded in understanding. He looked at Jean for a few moments, who shot him a look and Fuery nodded again, exhaling. He took up a chair next to Riza, the one Jean had recently vacated to pace instead. Rebecca had watched as his hands itched in his pockets, no doubt fiddling with the packet of cigarettes he held in there. She knew he would be dying to smoke but refused to leave the room.

That was what surprised her the most, adding further understanding to her initial question, was just how worried they were about Mustang. Each person in that room cared about their commanding officer a great deal, and Rebecca had been a fool to think Mustang didn’t care about his staff. Loyalty and respect went both ways, especially with these men Rebecca had come to learn, so it spoke volumes that they had come to the hospital as soon as they heard and refused to leave until they knew he was going to be okay.

Even Falman had phoned twice through the night, asking about Mustang’s condition and if there was anything he could do to help. Breda told him there wasn’t, but they would keep him updated as soon as they knew the situation.

“Riza Hawkeye?” a doctor asked, entering the room. All eyes snapped up to the doctors, the woman looking slightly taken back by the response. Her gaze found the two women in the room, eyes asking which one was Riza. She stood wearily, as if the entire night had weighed down her body. The doctor took a deep sigh, a sympathetic look on her face, and that was all Riza needed. Rebecca’s heart stopped, plummeting into the depths of the earth.

“No,” Riza whispered. Rebecca’s heart tore in her chest at the thought of Roy dead. No, he couldn’t be. He was too stubborn to die. He –

The bastard, he couldn’t leave Riza behind like this. They had so much left to do!

“You are named as legal guardian, should General Mustang be unable to answer any questions himself. He’s stable – for the moment – but still in intensive care.” He was… alive. Rebecca thought Riza was going to collapse. The hand on Rebecca’s forearm tightened considerable, Riza’s fingernails digging into her skin, hard. “At the current moment, he will appear to make a full recovery.” The air in the room relaxed as the boys drank in the doctor’s words like she was giving them water in the desert. “There’s still risk of infection, but we are hopeful. If you can, Captain Hawkeye, could you please walk with me? We have many things to discuss and it’s hospital policy that only family or named guardians are to be present.”

Two hours later, Riza returned to the waiting room, eyes red and raw from crying.

But she smiled.

The air appeared to fill with air as everyone collectively exhaled in relief.

“He’s okay,” she whispered, voice hoarse. “He’s going to be okay.”

Jean enveloped Riza in a bear hug faster than anyone could blink. She returned it equally as fiercely, eyes squeezing tightly closed as she clutched her friend, a desperate need of comfort. Breda placed his hand on her hair, ruffling it as he chuckled in disbelief. Fuery was crying silently, crowding around the rest of the team as they all revelled in each other’s comfort.

So. now, Rebecca knew exactly why they followed Mustang without question.

They all loved him, whether it was romantically in Riza’s case, or platonically like the rest of the boys. There was a lot of care, respect, and loyalty between them, something which took years to develop and earn. There was no doubt in Rebecca’s mind that it had all been an act.

Mustang cared deeply about his team. It was evident in the way they reacted to the news he was still among the living.

* * *

“You’re… okay?” Roy asked, somewhat confused. His voice was hoarse and low, unable to speak louder than a whisper.

“I’m all right. Are you?” Riza asked, clutching his hand tightly.

“Sore,” he mumbled, eyes fluttering closed in pain.

Riza was up and out of her seat in a second, unable to contain herself any longer. That had been the longest ten hours of her life and she didn’t want to _ever_ go through something like that again.

Just as her eyes closed, she saw Roy’s eyes pop open in surprise as Riza pressed her lips against his. There was a quiet sigh beneath her as she clutched the front of his hospital gown desperately.

“You saved my life,” she murmured. “At the risk of your own.”

“I saw it coming. Of course, I had to.”

Riza chuckled, a tear falling down her cheek. “That’s supposed to be my job.”

“This stuff goes both ways, Riza,” Roy replied, a smile forming on his face. His nose rubbed hers, Riza refusing to move too far away from him. Their breaths mingled together intimately. “Especially when you love someone.”

Riza smiled, kissing him again before pulling back to look in his eyes. Dark circles plagued the skin under his eyes. His face was drawn tight in pain but didn’t show any complaint. He wasn’t out of the woods, but he was alive.

That was all that mattered to Riza after her night.

He was alive and still with her.

 _To you, I will always return_ , Riza heard in her mind, and she smiled to herself as Roy shifted, eyes fluttering closed in his exhaustion.


	24. nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I know I just requested something, so feel free to say no, but if you have the time could you write another royai oneshot where Roy has a nightmare about ishval and calls Riza in a panic and she comes over and holds him while he cries? If you don't have the time to write this, that's okay. I'll literally read any fullmetal alchemist fics you write because I love them" - musicbook20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> consider it done! and thank you, again!! :D this was such a good prompt!
> 
> TW: (not mentioned by name) allusions to rape

 

**_nightmares_ **

Riza awoke in the night, startled. Normally she woke up like this after a nightmare, but as far as she could remember, her sleep had been dreamless before she had been jolted awake. No, the reason why was the shrill cry of the phone coming from her living room.

Cursing whoever was calling her at this time in the morning, Riza stumbled through, Hayate perking up himself and yawning. He hopped off the bed with a stretch and trotted after her, interested to see what all the fuss was about.

“Hello?” she asked, trying not to let her irritation show in her tone. She didn’t do very well.

“Lieutenant?” Like a switch had been flicked, Riza was instantly awake. What was the Colonel doing phoning her? Had something happened? Was he okay? What – “Uh, sorry to wake you.” She picked up a tremble in his voice. “I – I didn’t really think, and I’ve just realised the time.”

“Sir? What’s wrong?”

There was silence on the other end of the line before she heard him take a deep breath.

“I had another nightmare.” Now she understood the reason for the call, the hitch in his voice. “I’m sorry, it was dumb of me to call, I didn’t think –”

“Roy?” The use of his first name stalled his babbling, the effect Riza had aimed for. “I’ll be right over.”

“No, it’s fine, I – I –”

“Honestly, it’s fine. You returned the favour last time.”

There was a moment’s pause before he replied, tone resigned, but grateful. “Right. Thank you.”

The drive to his apartment wasn’t a long one. Military assigned accommodation was all housed in one neighbourhood, separate from the civilian residential districts in Central. When Riza pulled up and parked, her eyes glanced up the building, spotting a single light on in the sea of darkness.

Roy greeted her at the door. His eyes were red rimmed like he had been crying. His hair stood on end and he looked exhausted. Something told Riza he hadn’t been sleeping very well recently. He was an expert at covering it up at the office. He often joked it was because of his “late nights with a lovely lady”, but he wasn’t fooling Riza. She knew how much the war affected him, and still did to this day, three years later. There were no “lovely ladies” in his life either, something he confided in her about while drunk over a year ago. Only informants and loneliness.

It appeared they were both in a similar situation.

“Hey,” he greeted, clearing his throat.

“Hey.”

“Uh, come in. Make yourself at home.”

Riza had only been here once before. Madame Christmas had called her to come pick him up from the bar and take him home. Roy had apparently been asking for “Elizabeth” all night and the Madame was not blind, nor was she an idiot. She knew fine well the relationship Riza and her nephew shared and knew just how complicated it was.

Upon arriving at the bar, Riza had simply rolled her eyes as Roy drunkenly declared “heyyy, Elizabeth is finally here!” very loudly to the room, swaying in his seat, eyes unfocussed.

“Not Elizabeth, sir, it’s Lieutenant Hawkeye. You’ll have to put up with me tonight instead.” Her heart rate had risen, panicked that someone might have overheard a little _too_ much while Roy’s tongue was loose thanks to the alcohol. Riza didn’t doubt the Madame would have dealt with it, but it paid to be cautious, and from the babbling and the terrified look in his eyes after Riza brought him home, she knew he was simply drinking to forget.

Riza perched on the edge of the couch, watching his every move like her name’s sake. He shuffled backwards and forwards, undecided about what to do with himself. After closing the door, he drifted to the kitchen, then stopped, moving back towards living room before stopping in the centre of his apartment’s open plan area.

“Roy, do you want to sit down?” she asked when he remained frozen in place, a violent shiver overtaking his body. His head snapped up, as if remembering she was still in the room, before he nodded and shuffled to sit down next to her.

This behaviour… He was so unlike the Roy she knew. Gone was his confidence and bravado. Here, was a shell of a man, deeply affected by the horror he had caused and been subjected to in the war.

“What happened?” Riza asked. There was no point in beating around the bush. They both knew why they were here. He took a deep breath, but his voice caught on the first word. Roy stared at his coffee table, scrubbing his face with his hands.

“I…”

“Take your time,” Riza reassured him after he fell silent.

“You died.” His voice was so quiet and broken Riza’s heart stopped. “They – They cornered us and restrained me while they… _took_ you away... a – around a corner. I heard your screams.” He looked like he was going to vomit and Riza was pretty sure she looked the same way. “Th – then they brought you back.” Roy was visibly shaking by this point. Riza moved over on the couch, wrapping her arm around his shoulders. His head lowered to her own shoulder, body violently shaking as he relived his nightmare. “And… And…”

“I’m right here,” she soothed, fearing her own fear tighten her throat. She had heard stories around the camps about what happened to the female soldiers. The male Amestrian soldiers were just as bad towards the Ishvalans. She repositioned her arms, wrapping them tightly around his body. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know,” he muttered, taking a deep, shuddering breath. “I know that, but it was so real,” he whispered. “They dragged you back to me, bloody and –” he choked on his next words and Riza shushed him, reassuring him he didn’t need to continue. She got the picture. “And they executed you. Just like that. I couldn’t stop it.”

The pressure of her arms around his body increased as she held him close, eyes closing as a tear escaped from her eye. This could have been a very real possibility in Ishval. There was no doubt in her mind something like this had happened.

But it was just a dream, she repeated back to him. She was there. She was alive. They survived Ishval together and would work harder to ensure nothing like that ever happened again.

His cries grew louder, filling the dark apartment as Riza held him tightly. They rode through it together like they always did, gravitating back towards one another in times of crisis.

Eventually the shaking stopped and so did his sobs. When Roy pulled away his face was blotchy, eyes bright red, but he looked… at peace. Whatever demons had tried to worm their way into his mind to torture him were banished.

“Thanks to you,” he whispered against her skin as he kissed it, showering her body in his affection as they moved together under the sheets in his bedroom. “I love you,” he whispered against her hip bone, lips trailing their way up to capture her own. “So much, I can’t bear the thought of not getting to touch you as often as I should.”

“I love you, Roy,” she moaned in reply, back arching as his fingers moved across her skin. She placed a hand on his cheek, bringing his attention to her face. They gazed at each other, lost in their lover’s eyes. “And we will fight this. Together.” His reply was to kiss her deeply, pressing both their bodies down further into the mattress.

“Another late night, boss?” Havoc asked, waggling his eyebrows as he entered the office a few hours after Riza left him. She pretended not to be listening, like always, however she was morbidly curious about what the Colonel’s answer would be.

“Huh?”

“You look like you haven’t slept all night,” Havoc laughed, a smirk on his face.

“Oh, right. Yeah,” Mustang grinned back, his façade sliding into place.

“So, who was it this time?”

“You wouldn’t know her,” the Colonel shrugged while Havoc pouted. Honestly, he was worse than the gossips around HQ.

“Come on, boss. Give us something. Anything.”

“Oh, all right.” Riza tensed, preparing to block out their guy talk about their conquests. Even if Roy’s were made up, the women were very real and were part of the Madame’s information network. Riza wasn’t privy to his personal life, and vice versa. Her brain often reminded her that even though his “dates” weren’t actually dates, he could be out there with other women.

Women who weren’t her.

“This one was pretty special,” she heard the Colonel reply, the tone of his voice soft. “She has helped me through a lot over the years.” The men – well, Havoc and Breda – ooh-ed like a couple of teenagers.

“I bet she did,” Breda muttered, and Havoc snorted at the insinuation.

“She’s the most important person in my life right now, to be perfectly honest.” Riza smiled to herself, eyes never lifting from her paperwork as she continued to work.

“Aw,” Havoc cooed. “The Colonel is smitten.”

“Give it a week,” Breda snorted.

“No, I don’t think so,” Mustang replied. “I think this one is here to stay.”

Riza wiped the smile off her face as she stood and approached his desk. Her expression was a stark contrast to what she was feeling inside. Warmth spread from the top of her head right down to her toes, her stomach flip-flopping in response to his confession.

“Really, Colonel?” she scolded, eyebrow raised. “Don’t you have work to do, sir?”

“Ah, yes, Hawkeye. Thank you,” he replied sheepishly, giving the boys a wink, a promise to continue this conversation at a later time. Both men satisfied, they turned and walked back to their desk.

“Your paperwork for the day, sir,” Riza stated, handing him the pile. His gaze met hers for a brief moment and he smiled at her. It was different from his usual ones that were mostly smug because he knew he had been right all along about something. This was kind, appreciative, and thankful. It told Riza he had meant every word.

“Thank you, Lieutenant,” he murmured softly, taking the pile from her hands. Riza returned to her desk and refocussed her attention, but Roy’s words, and the memory of the night they shared, floated around her head for the remainder of the working day.


	25. panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If you're taking prompts I was wondering if for your royai collections you could do something where Roy has a really bad panic attack in front of his whole team because he's been stressed and having nightmares about ishval and just not sleeping very well and the team panics and don't know what to do but Riza calms him down and takes him into his office then Roy's humiliated for freaking out in front of his team but Riza reassures him that it's fine and that no one will think of him any differently and he just holds her for a little bit?" - November Flowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> consider it done my friend hurt/comfort royai is love, hurt/comfort royai is life

“Lieutenant?” The call was strained, signalling something was amiss immediately to his subordinates. Roy could barely care though, his eyes only focussing on the words on the sheet of paper in front of him, although by now they had begun to swim as he lost focus.

“Sir?” Hawkeye asked in concern, brow furrowed as she entered the room. When their eyes met, no words were needed. She understood what was happening immediately.

“You okay, boss?” Breda asked, stepping into the room.

“What’s up?” Havoc added, poking his head around the door.

They had been privy to one of Roy’s episodes before. The whole team had. However, it didn’t make it any les humiliating for the Colonel.

“All of you,” Hawkeye barked. “Out.” Breda and Havoc didn’t need to be told twice, closing the door hastily after them. Hawkeye rounded his desk, crouching down so she was at eye level. “Sir? I need you to breathe for me. Can you do that?”

Roy barely heard her. The panic was still building and had already overwhelmed him. He felt like he was drowning, taking great, loud, gasping breaths to try and get air into his lungs. His mind was filled with flames, the smell of burning flesh assaulting his nostrils. He was back there, in the desert, being torn apart by their screams and his own actions.

 A pair of arms circled around his torso, lifting him from his desk chair. Roy clung to Hawkeye’s blue jacket, throwing all sense of professionalism and propriety out the window, and buried his face in the crook of her neck. He used to do this when they were teenagers, when… Well, when they could love each other freely.

But they had traded that freedom with the blood of innocents.

After Ishval things had been different, however being so close to Riza helped. She had been there with him, knew the horrors they had both caused and witnessed. They suffered together. So, when he had a panic attack, she was always there to comfort him.

It had been a while since his last one. Since before Riza had come to work for him. He chalked it up to her calming presence and how she kept him sane. However, all it took was to receive a report of murdered of Ishvalans by fire and it all came rushing back.

The office was deadly silent, save for his shuddering breaths as he tried to reign in the panic and Riza’s hushed words as she rubbed his back in comfort.

“Is he okay?” Breda whispered. Roy’s hands tightened their hold on Riza’s jacket. He didn’t want them to see him like this. He was Roy Mustang, “Hero of Ishval”, playboy, the youngest Colonel in the Amestrian Military. He was supposed to be strong and fearless. However, Riza Hawkeye said it best. “Even the strongest fall sometimes. Just like I watch your back, I’ll catch you if you fall.”

“I’ll talk to them,” Riza reassured him.

“You don’t need to –”

“I will.” As always, she left no room for argument. “What was it this time?”

“The – The report.”

Riza pulled away and Roy instantly missed their closeness. She didn’t stray far because he snaked his arm around her waist, keeping her body pressed against his side. Riza either didn’t mind or didn’t fully realise how they were standing as she moved towards his desk. He wasn’t ready to let go yet. His breathing had calmed but his heart still raced, and the feeling of panic still had its grip on him. At least the walls didn’t feel like they were closing in on him anymore and the ache in his chest had dulled. Among a million other things, he had Riza to thank for that. She could talk him down from anything, his panic attacks included.

“It was a surprise, that’s all,” he stuttered in explanation. Riza’s lips pursed as she read, the offending paper getting crushed by her fingertips. “Leave it, I’ll deal –”

“With all due respect, sir, I would personally like to head this investigation.” She extracted herself from his hold, gripping the paper with two hands. He was too surprised by her request to keep her by his side.

“What? Why?”

“Personal reasons, sir.”

“Riza, I can’t –”

“You asked me to watch your back, sir,” she reminded him. “Let me.” She paused, expression softening, shoulders relaxing. “Please. I know how much this still affects you.”

“Who will watch _your_ back then?” he questioned. He couldn’t let her deal with this alone, she had been there just like he had. With her father’s alchemy he had razed an entire region, killing thousands. That affected her as much as it did him, not to mention adding her own actions on top of that.

“Roy –”

“Together?” he suggested, meeting her halfway. He watched her debate with herself, before Riza finally nodded.

“All right. Together.”

Roy let out a sigh of relief then proceeded to rub his face with his hands, his true exhaustion no doubt plain as day on his face. “Thank you.”

“Have you been sleeping well, sir?” He knew nothing would escape her.

“No,” he answered truthfully. Riza stiffened ever so slightly. “Nightmares,” he elaborated. She nodded in understanding. What shocked him, though, was she opened her arms to him once more, and who was he to deny Riza Hawkeye a hug from himself?

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It never came up. I never got the chance.”

A hand rose to his hair, Roy’s eyes fluttering closed as she ran her hands through his black tresses. He sent a silent prayer up to the heavens for Riza Hawkeye. She remembered this calmed him down, and how much he loved her doing it to him. That had been _years_ ago he had revealed that, before Ishval, before the military.

“You remembered,” he murmured, once again burying his face in the crook of her neck. Her scent enveloped him wholly and he felt the last tendrils of his panic floating away.

Riza chuckled underneath him. “Of course, I did, Roy,” she smiled. “How could I forget?” He smiled against her skin, pressing a kiss against it. He smirked as he heard her breath catch in her throat.

“I should go,” she whispered, her head shifting as it rested against his. Roy nodded, but didn’t move. He had overstepped their boundaries, but something told him Riza didn’t mind, especially by the way her hands fisted in his military jacket. “Roy,” she admonished, amusement clouding her tone as he refused to loosen his hold, opting to hold her tighter instead.

“You should, it doesn’t mean I’m going to let you,” he murmured.

“Breda will be having kittens.”

“Let him. It’ll give Hayate some entertainment if he does.”

With a chuckle she extracted herself from his arms and he left their embrace with a smile on his face. Dread and anxiety pooled in his stomach as he thought of how much Breda and Havoc had seen, humiliation prickling his skin.

“I’ll talk to them,” she repeated, seeing the look in his face. “This is nothing new, but don’t be ashamed. It shows you cared.” He opened his mouth to reply but froze. She was right. “Never be ashamed of having that reaction, sir.”

“Right,” he nodded, smoothly moving back into their professionalism. While he ached to hold her close and love Riza Hawkeye like she deserved, he couldn’t. This professional barrier was a curse, but also a safety blanket. If anyone got wind of what they got up to in their spare time she would be relocated, and who would keep him sane and talk him down then? Their late-night trysts would do for now. “Thank you.”

Hawkeye gave him a crisp salute, accompanied by a soft smile, the one she saved just for him. “Anytime, sir.”

“Is he okay?” Breda whispered as soon as Riza closed Roy’s office door.

“The Colonel will be fine,” she reassured them. “He received some unfortunate news, that’s all.”

“Hawkeye saves the day again,” Havoc replied. Roy could hear the appreciation in his voice and smiled. She certainly did that.

Now, he would need to compose himself properly and face the team. However, with Hawkeye by his side, he could accomplish anything.


	26. proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Could you do one where after the promised day, Roy's being secretive and sneaky so Riza follows him one day and sees him at Maes Hughes' grave talking about how he wants to propose to riza but doesn't know how and riza approaches him and asks him to marry her and he says yes?" - Anon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh thank you so much for your kind words and this prompt, i loved it!!! royai proposal owns me uwu
> 
> i hope you enjoy!

Could you do one where after the promised day, Roy's being secretive and sneaky so Riza follows him one day and sees him at Maes Hughes' grave talking about how he wants to propose to riza but doesn't know how and riza approaches him and asks him to marry her and he says yes?

 

Riza narrowed her eyes as the General left the office during his lunch break rather hurriedly. Well, more so than usual. There wasn’t even an offer to join him extended her way. Even after the Promised Day, there were days when he couldn’t escape the office fast enough. There had been so much work to be done, especially after Wrath was out of power and the opportunity to ascend the ranks even further presented itself, yet he wasn’t as focussed as he should have been. However, Grumman – unexpectedly – promoted him to General once he assumed the position of Fuhrer President. Due to Roy’s efforts in uncovering the truth, it had been well deserved, Grumman explained.

“Plus,” he added. “I need someone I can trust at my side. After the farce with Fuhrer Bradley I trust none of these bastards.”

So, as Roy rushed out of the office for his lunch, she felt a small ache blossom in her chest at the thought of him going to spend it with another woman.

Someone who wasn’t her.

She had been curious at first, asking him where he took his lunch by casually dropping it into conversation. He had shrugged and replied he had a meeting, but the smile on his face made her stomach sink. It was the same one he used to show when he was going on “dates” with his adoptive sisters to grain information on the top brass. And, of course, he had to mix those in with real dates in order to avoid suspicion.

It was still useful to have dirt on the rest of the Generals, Riza had tried to reassure herself once she finally realised what was happening. They needed to know who they could trust and that was the best way to do it.

 Riza had thought after the Promised Day – and the subsequent conversation in the hospital room regarding their future – they would be together. That had been a clear decision. He had become more affectionate once they were released from hospital and Grumman forced the whole team to take leave for a month to recover and as a reward. Now, six months later, he was distant and was hiding something from her. She thought they were passed all this, but apparently not.

Of course, as was their way, they didn’t talk about it. Roy wasn’t offering to come around as often as before and Riza left it, not wanting to make a big deal of things. Keeping it hidden from everyone was natural for them at this point, however, now it shouldn’t be.

Her decision made, Riza slowly packed up her own things and followed him out under the guise that she too was going out for lunch, rather than going to the cafeteria. She just needed to see for herself. If it was what she thought was happening then that was fine, she would know for sure, she could move on. Riza didn’t see any other avenue this could go, so with a heavy heart she followed the General at a distance to confirm whether or not her heart would be broken today or not.

Roy entered a café and, sure enough, a woman greeted him with a smile and a kiss to his cheek. He grinned at her, hand snaking down from her shoulder to grasp her hand. They sat at a table and picked up a menu, Roy laughing loudly at something she said.

Riza stood across the street, staring. She swallowed once, nodded to herself, then continued on her way. There was no need to get lunch now, her appetite was gone.

She really had gotten the wrong end of the stick.

The cemetery came into view when Riza exited her mind and returned to reality. She blinked, feeling a wetness on her cheek. With a sigh she stepped under the beautifully crafted gate and begun her walk back to HQ. Walking through here was the quickest way back and while the last thing she wanted to do was return to see Roy right now, Riza was a professional. It was against her nature to be late anyway.

Why didn’t he just _tell_ her? Was he really such a coward? She thought they were passed all of these games.

There was a figure stood by Maes’ grave. The only reason she knew is because, by habit, she glanced up towards her old friend was buried. They had their back to her but Riza would recognise that black mop of hair anywhere.

She could turn back and go the other way, but she would be late back to the office. Plus, she wasn’t a coward like _he_ was.

“… we finalised the preparations today, Hughes,” Riza caught Roy say. Her curiosity was piqued, but she was too irritated to walk up and ask. “It’s all planned, I just don’t know how to ask her.” Riza froze, about five feet away from Maes’ grave. Roy sighed. “This should be the easiest part, but it’s never been easy between Riza and I,” he chuckled to himself. “I… I just always feel so nervous around her, even to this day, when it comes to the personal stuff,” he laughed again, but this one was nervous.

What stopped Riza dead, rendered her mute and frozen both physically and mentally was Roy’s next words.

“I’ve wanted to propose for years and now it’s finally here I don’t know what to say.”

He kept talking but Riza was no longer listening. Her brain had stuttered to a stop, unable to comprehend his words.

All her worrying had been for nothing. Guilt resided in her mind at doubting him, however who could blame her, after all, given his previous track record with woman? A slow smile spread across her face as she watched him shift his weight and run a hand through his hair.

He was such a dork.

“I don’t need anything fancy,” Riza spoke softly, announcing her presence. Roy whipped around in surprise, stark fear on his face. He floundered for the words, his cheeks turning pink, but no sound left him. Riza smiled fondly towards the man she loved. “I only ever needed you.”

Seeing Roy was unable to do the deed, Riza took it upon herself. She dropped a knee, Roy’s eyes widening as they followed her movements as she grasped one of his hands. As she opened her mouth, Roy finally came to life. He dropped to his own knees, causing her to pause. Her hands were grasped tightly in his, brought up to his chest, but Riza could feel the sweat on them. Her was still nervous, true to his word.

“I – I –” Roy swallowed.

“Roy,” Riza stated gently, her thumbs stroking the back of his hands. “Will you marry me?” she asked simply. There was no need to make this even harder than it was for him. Roy _had_ always been the nervous one of the two, being more emotionally available than she was.

Riza always opted for complete honesty, and so did Roy, however her upbringing gave her no time to dwell on nervousness. Around her father she had to be self-assured and honest with herself, so asking him was easy. They had been together for so long it was easy to ask this question, despite how she had felt ten minutes prior. That was simply a misunderstanding.

“Of course,” he breathed. Riza rose up to meet him, their kiss loving as Riza shed all her fears.

“I feel like I should have asked you that,” he murmured, his nervousness gone, that much was clear from his tone. He nuzzled the crook of her neck, inhaling deeply as he pulled her body against his, holding her tight.

“If I left it to you, we would be here for another few years,” she replied with a grin. When Roy pulled back, he kissed her again and she smiled against him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“That’s true. Sorry it took so long.”

“We’ve been waiting for almost fifteen years for this moment,” she quipped. “I could wait a while longer.” A thought popped into her head. “What preparations have you been making?”

He smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “…Wedding preparations.” Riza blinked at him. “I know its sudden, but I wanted to surprise you and I didn’t want to give the secret away. I also knew you wouldn’t want to plan too much yourself or make it a large ceremony – which I haven’t – but you’re more than welcome to look it all over to see if you’re happy –”

Riza kissed him to stop him from babbling.

“Is that who you’ve been meeting with all this time?”

Roy nodded. “Yes. That’s what I’ve been doing on my lunch breaks for the last three months. My sisters and the Madame have been a big help. Apparently, I wasn’t trusted to make these decisions myself,” he laughed. Riza’s cheeks pinked in embarrassment and Roy noticed. “What?”

“Nothing, I…”

“Riza, what?” he smirked. He brushed her fringe off her face and Riza felt her stomach flutter.

“I thought… I thought you were… “ _out_ ”, like you used to do. You know, before the Promised Day.” The frown on his face smoothed as realisation dawned on him.

“Oh. _Oh_. Riza, no, nothing like that!” he hastily reassured her. His hands ran up her arms, slowly, pulling her into another hug, kissing her hair. “I thought you knew by now it’s not real –”

“I knew, but I wasn’t sure. And I didn’t recognise the woman from today –” Her mouth snapped shut, eyes bugging in her head as she let slip her little secret. When Roy pulled away to look at her, she avoided his gaze.

“You followed me?” he asked in surprise, but there was amusement in his tone.

“You’ve been distant lately and what was I supposed to do?” she asked indignantly, bringing her eyes to meet his gaze. “You meet up with strange women for lunch and stop seeing me, stop inviting me over, and making plans. Imagine what that looked like to me.”

“Riza,” he murmured softly, guilt apparent in her tone. “I’m sorry. I was making wedding arrangements. All the woman I’ve met with work for the Madame, I _swear_. There’s only ever been _you_ ,” he stressed, squeezing her hands for emphasis. “I picked out the ring the day after I got my sight back. I wanted to ask you back then, but I thought preparing first would win your favour because I’ve known since we were kids you’ve never wanted to bother with a wedding. I wanted to save you as much trouble as possible. I see now that I’ve pushed you away instead.” His expression was pained.

“If you had given me some kind of explanation –”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

Riza sighed, then smiled. “I forgive you. Like always, you had the best intentions, but poor execution,” she winked.

“Hey,” Roy replied, indignant, but his grin was back a moment later. “Where would I be without you?”

“Alive, but not nearly as successful as you are now.”

Roy snorted. “Isn’t that the truth?”

“He would be happy,” Riza stated, turning to look at Maes’ grave, one of their biggest supporters. She had a lot to thank him for when it came to her relationship with Roy, especially from during their time in Ishval. “Also, Maes might be screaming somewhere up there because we were engaged in front of his grave,” Riza smiled.

“I don’t doubt it,” Roy grinned, slinging his arm around her shoulder and kissing the side of her head. They walked arm in arm back to HQ, both feeling lighter and happier than they had in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another oneshot to “during their time in ishval” is coming soon 👀


	27. this is heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i couldn't resist city boy roy trying to tell riza how to navigate her forest and riza being a sucker for it because she likes him uwu

**_everyone they say that we don't work_ **

**_but i could swear this is heaven, yeah_ **

**_everyday i know that this might hurt but i don't care_ **

**_this is heaven, yeah_ **

**_heaven | onerepublic_ **

“This way!” Roy’s enthusiastic cry made Riza smile to herself, unable to supress her amusement and the pleasant flutter of her stomach. With her father and while studying his alchemy notes, the boy was always so serious. Riza often thought Roy looked so much like Berthold when working with alchemy, something that secretly terrified her. Riza would never admit it aloud though. The thought of Roy turning into someone like her father made her stomach turn. He was too good to become a man like Berthold Hawkeye, so Riza vowed to do everything in her power to ensure that didn’t happen.

It was difficult. Berthold didn’t forbid their friendship, per se, he just didn’t have the time or the appreciation for such trivial thing. Alchemy was his life. Roy was second, the only person he dubbed capable of understanding his life’s work, and Riza was third on his list, way at the bottom.

Riza knew Berthold would forbid a romantic relationship though. That had been made clear before Roy came to live with them.

“He has to focus,” Berthold would say. “Don’t distract him, don’t interrupt his studies, and attend to his needs when he isn’t studying. You can befriend him, and that’s it. From his letter and recommendation this boy might genuinely have a chance to succeed here, and I won’t squander this opportunity.”

Her reply had been a subdued, “yes father”. Riza often wondered how she had wronged her father so much that she was the last of his concern, even over a stranger.

“Come on, Riza!” Roy called over his shoulder, picking up the pace to a run as he weaved through the trees. “It’s not far now!” Apparently, he had found a meadow a few days ago and was “dying” to show her. His declaration made her blush furiously, something that made Roy grin.

“We can make it ours,” he had told her, face taking on a faraway look. “Away from your father –” He stopped short at that, looking over his shoulder worriedly, afraid her father might have overheard him.

“I’d like that,” she had whispered in response, her own cheeks pinking like his. Roy’s head had snapped back around to face her, excitement and joy animating his face.

Before she lost him in amongst the trees, Riza readjusted the pack on her shoulders and ran after him. When Riza caught up, Roy was standing still next to the old ruined cottage that had been there for years, before Riza was even born, looking left and right as if trying to figure out what direction to go.

“Uh, this way!” He pointed right and begun to walk with confidence. Riza frowned to herself. That would lead them towards town. She had walked that way a few times with fresh meat to sell at the market on a Saturday. The scenery was incredibly familiar, the barely noticeable deer track to their right would lead them straight into Mr. Jones’ farm. There was no meadow near the farm, Riza knew that much. However, there was no telling Roy that. He forged ahead, determined. Sure enough, ten minutes later, they arrived at the fence surrounding Mr. Jones’ farm.

“Oh.”

Riza supressed her amusement. “This wasn’t the right way?” she asked innocently.

“No, it was… I’m sure it was,” he added quietly to himself. His brow furrowed in confusion. Riza cast him a sidelong, secretly admiring how cute he looked looking mildly affronted. Suddenly, his face lit up. He spun to face her, catching Riza off guard. “No, I remember now! I walked passed the ruined cottage and turned left. I remember now because I saw a deer and it ran right, towards town! Come on!”

Riza’s stomach fluttered again as he grabbed her hand, dragging her back the way they came. When they reached the old landmark Roy continued straight ahead, determination fuelling him. He only slowed when Riza reasoned they had walked further than Roy remembered doing previously, therefore having gone the wrong way again.

“Wait…”

“Are you lost?” she asked, mock disdain in her voice, thoroughly amused. The teenage boy looked at her helplessly as Riza failed to supress her grin. When he spotted it, he frowned, drawing himself up to his full height.

“No, not at all. I think I just took a wrong turn. I’m sure we need to head north.” He turned and stomped off as Riza snickered to herself.

What Riza did fail to mention, was that she had been to this meadow before with her mother. They used to pick the flowers to take home and put them in the window boxes. It was five minutes from her home, not the hour walk it had taken Roy to get to this point, about a mile in the opposite direction of the meadow.

Still, it was endearing to watch the city boy try and navigate through the forest, so Riza let him continue. It meant they could spend more time together, something Riza had longed for, however alchemy was Roy’s main interest, especially in her home. Out here in the forest, in the town, at the park, it was another story. He was another person, like he had come alive. His zest for life and knowledge had sparked hers up again when he arrived, like a summer wind blowing away the cobwebs in her home. Alchemy was forgotten in those moments and for the first time in a long time, Riza felt appreciated and wanted by someone.

It was nice, so she let him continue with his wayfinding.

Plus, the grin on his face as he looked at her, pleased they had finally arrived, made it all worth it. It had taken another half hour with a few suggestions from Riza before they finally arrived.

She let him bask in his achievement, liking how pride looked on his handsome face. His grin was infectious, and Riza was helpless to resist, like with most things regarding Roy Mustang.

“You did it,” she praised. He grinned, taking her hand and tugging her into the sunshine and through the flowers she had loved to run through as a child. She would keep her little secret to herself, Riza decided. Perhaps now, a new happiness could be found here.


	28. puppy love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elizabeth Hawkeye has come of age and is ready to be introduced to society, as is appropriate for the Princess of Amestris. A daunting experience for a sixteen year old, but with the help of an old friend, she may be able to make it through the ball.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> teenage royai, royal au, what more could you want!
> 
> i wil admit this originally was posted on my "comets - a series of oneshots story" however not many people have read it and this is genuinely my fave and wanted to share it with you guys on this one as it works as a standalone au
> 
> i hope you enjoy reading it!
> 
> part 1 of 2

**ELIZABETH**

Mother said she had to wear this stupid tiara tonight but Elizabeth didn’t know why. As she stared at herself in the mirror she turned her nose up in disgust at the flashy accessory. She was a princess so it made sense, but it was hardly practical. Elizabeth had never been one for dresses and jewellery but Mother insisted on it tonight.

Her gaze travelled wistfully over to her sword that lay against the couch in her room.

A knock sounded at the door and Elizabeth sighed.

“Time to go, My Lady,” Mrs. Henderson called through the door.

“Coming,” Elizabeth called, giving her appearance one last frown. At least she had a knife hidden underneath her skirts. A thrill ran through her as her riding boots contacted with the marble floor. Her gown was so long that her footwear of choice was hidden. Mother never said anything about not wearing those damned high heels. A grin spread across her face.

“Oh you look incredible Miss Elizabeth,” Mrs. Henderson gushed. She even removed a handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes. Elizabeth shifted uncomfortably on the spot. Nobody had cried over the way she looked before.

“Thank you, Mrs. Henderson,” the princess replied. The compliment about her appearance may have made her uncomfortable but she had still been brought up to be a lady.

“Come now.” The older woman reached for her hand and grasped it tightly, ushering the princess out of her bedrooms. “Your mother and father are awaiting your appearance.”

Nerves settled in Elizabeth’s stomach.

Noticing the slightly panicked look on the Princess’ face, Mrs. Henderson chuckled to herself. “Do not fret my dear. The announcement will only last a couple of minutes then you will be free to do as you please for the rest of the night.”

Elizabeth shook her head. “That is not what I am nervous about.”

This week she had turned sixteen and was now seen by society as a woman. And because she was a Princess, she had to be introduced to the court officially. Tonight, this ball, was all about her. While Elizabeth knew she would need to become accustomed to a lot of attention being on her, it was still a daunting task.

Not to mention the fact that there would be potential suitors there tonight to meet her specifically. Of course, Elizabeth had no time for such things. However, it was her duty to converse with these people and build relationships with the Lords and Ladies. When she became Queen she would need all the allies she could get. Her mother stressed how important tonight was for making connections.

“I know the maids like to gossip and tell their stories about the noblemen and women of the court,” Mrs. Henderson sighed, her face taking on a disapproving look. She had never been one to gossip, and Elizabeth had never bothered with it either, but one still heard things around the castle. “But your parents will keep you right. They know these people well. They wouldn’t leave you to get mixed up in unsavoury affairs.”

“I know. Thank you.” It had eased her fears slightly, but her stomach still felt tight.

When they approached the door to the main hall the nerves had bundled themselves into a large ball. She wished Roy was by her side so that he could make some dumb joke and ease her worries. Either that, or she could tease him in some way to get her mind off things.

But he wasn’t here. Apparently this was her night only and her shadow was already in the main hall.

She wasn’t sure if her father had pushed her old friend to become a bodyguard of sorts for her. But in the last few weeks Roy had been acutely aware of her safety for everything. The activities they had carried out were nothing different from the training they had carried out the week prior. But, all of a sudden he was questioning everything.

“Are you ready?” Mrs. Henderson asked her quietly outside the door. She kindly old woman smiled at her, like a grandmother would at their grandchild. It brought Elizabeth great comfort, which she was thankful for. Invisible lint was brushed off the sleeves of her gown and wrinkles were smoothed out as the guards outside the door watched on, amused at the ever growing frustrated look on Elizabeth’s face.

“Yes,” Elizabeth replied, throwing her shoulders back and lifting her chin. Even if she felt like a ball of nerves, she would not show the world that was the case. She was Elizabeth Hawkeye, Princess of Amestris and heir to the throne. A room full of stuffy old men and women would be an easy task.

With tears filling her eyes once more, Mrs. Henderson nodded and murmured something to the guards, who nodded. They knew the drill. The trumpets would sound and Mr. Henderson – her father’s steward – would signal her arrival.

 _You can do this, Elizabeth_.

The trumpets sounded and she jumped in fright. The guards moved to stand to attention but they chuckled anyway. Elizabeth huffed to herself, embarrassed by her slip.

“My Lords and Ladies, it is my pleasure to present to you this evening Princess Elizabeth Hawkeye.”

The doors opened and Elizabeth blinked at the sudden light compared to the dim hallway. Spells had been cast on the chandeliers – called witch light – to brighten up the room along with the candlelight. The main hall itself was decorated exquisitely. Streamers and witch light decorated the pillars around the room. The decorations were predominantly blue in colour and theme, with even the witch light holding a bluish tinge to it.

Elizabeth willed her legs not to shake as she descended the stairs before her. She was thankful once more she had foregone the heels. Mr. Henderson gripped her hand tightly, also offering support, and smiled his toothy grin when they arrived at their destination. He bowed low before backing away so she was in full view of everyone.

She swallowed as she finally noticed how many people were in the room below her. Too many sets of eyes stared back at her. Feeling the panic rise, Elizabeth took a deep breath.

 _You can do this_.

Instead of lingering on the faces of the noblemen and woman, her eyes scanned the room, subtly looking for someone in particular. However the applause and the beckon from her father interrupted her mission to find the familiar mop of dark hair.

For three hours she spoke with Lords and Ladies, making connections like her mother told her to. Eight times out of ten she wanted to punch the Lords in the face for their not-so-subtle comments about her ability to rule. The Ladies were no better, inquiring when she would take a husband and produce an heir. It was that, or they were trying to force their son upon her.

The worst part was she had been left to speak to these people herself. Elizabeth doubted her mother and father knew the true nature of these people. They were all too eager to suck up to the King and Queen and earn their favour. Apparently the Princess was not important enough to practice the same behaviour with. No matter. Elizabeth made a mental note of their faces and names. When she came into power she would ensure they received the same disdainful and downright disrespectful treatment they were giving her tonight.

She was not some maiden, like they assumed. Elizabeth did admit, she played on it slightly. Better for them to think she wasn’t a threat to their titles and lands. Then, when all was revealed when she turned Queen, the look on their faces would be even more satisfying.

And their _children_. My god. She had not had the pleasure of speaking to another young woman all night. It had all been men who were too stuck up and smug for their own good. If Elizabeth had her own way she would not have given them a second glance. However, she wanted to make her mother proud so she tolerated it. The Princess had noticed her shooting her glances all night and Elizabeth tried her best to reply positively. She only hoped it had been convincing.

In the whirlwind to move around the guests, Elizabeth had completely forgotten to search for the one person who would have made this night bearable. Not that she even had the chance to anyway.

After meeting everyone of importance, her father _eventually_ saved her from the socialising hell.

“I do apologise, Lord Lochan,” he interrupted the portly man and seemed anything but sorry. “But I must steal my daughter away for a moment.”

“Of course, Your Majesty,” he boomed far too loudly for the distance between them. Far too eager to suck up to the King.

Without another word, Berthold steered Elizabeth away from the man.

“I do apologise for not doing it sooner,” he added, his voice low so only she could hear. “I could not escape myself.” Elizabeth raised an eyebrow, glancing up at him. Berthold grimaced. “I do not enjoy nights like this any more than you do apparently.”

Fear would have gripped her if Elizabeth cared enough about what these Lords and Ladies thought. “Was I that obvious?” she deadpanned.

Berthold chuckled. “No, you were perfect. But I recognise a tortured soul when I see one. Here,” he opened the door to the balcony outside. “Take your time. I will cover for you.”

Elizabeth perked up and her eyes lit up at the grant of freedom. “Thank you, father,” she whispered, slipping out the door.

She loved her mother, but events like this were just not for her.

The cool air washed over her skin, soothing the burning that was present in her cheeks from the stuffy room. Her skin prickled in response, drawing out goose bumps on her arms. She shivered involuntarily but she was extremely glad to be out of that room.

Elizabeth heard something shift behind her and within a heartbeat her visitor was pressed up against the wall next to the door she had just exited from, the knife from underneath her skirts pressed at their throat.

“Hey,” Roy grinned at her. Despite the fact she had a knife at his throat, he still smiled and even offered a wave.

Elizabeth sighed. “Sorry,” she muttered tiredly, lowering the knife.

“Has the night been that bad?” he chuckled as he straightened out his waistcoat. Elizabeth watched him, finally looking at him.

She felt a blush creep over her cheeks as she took in his appearance. He wore a full suit, complete with a waistcoat and silver pocket watch. In the dark balcony she couldn’t quite make out the colour, but she guessed it was a deep navy. It suited him well. In fact, it looked _really_ good to the sixteen year old standing before him. So close, in fact, that her blush deepened as the smell of his soap and the smell of _him_ reached her.

Elizabeth turned at looked out over the balcony. Her hands were braced on the marble wall surrounding it, her finger pressed into the stone. It would not offer any comfort, but that extra stability would be what she needed to calm her racing heart.

Roy walked up beside her, copying her stance. She noticed how agonisingly close his hand was next to hers. If her old friend noticed, he show no indication as he stared out over the houses below the castle.

“You looked like you were having fun,” he smirked, turning his attention to her. Damn him and his sarcasm. Well, two could play at that game.

“I was thrilled, in fact.”

“Oh?” His smirk widened as he turned to face her, pleased she was playing along. He leaned against the marble with his hip, crossing his legs over one another.

“Oh yes. These Lords and Ladies are _very_ interesting people.”

“How so?”

Elizabeth brought a finger to her chin and cocked her head, pretending to mull it over. “Like watching paint dry is my best guess.” Roy guffawed. “So, you know, the _best_ kind of interesting.” He continued to laugh and even Elizabeth found herself giggling as well. It was a laugh she loved to hear.

“That sounds like hell,” he remarked once his laughter was under control.

Elizabeth nodded. “I can think of absolutely nothing worse. You are lucky,” she added quietly. Feeling the fatigue of the night over taking her, Elizabeth turned around and sat on the cool ground. The cold seeped through her dress but she didn’t care. Her knees were bent, feet flat on the ground, and the Princess also didn’t care that this was not a very ladylike way to sit. There was enough material under her skirts that it all puffed up, irritating her while she sat.

Roy joined her, chuckling at her attempts to tame all the material. He also showed his appreciation for her choice of footwear.

“Mother insisted I wear this dress,” Elizabeth replied, finally giving up trying to squash down all the material. “There was no way I wasn’t going to choose my own footwear.”

“Always practical. I like it.”

The blush appeared once more across her cheeks. But it was dark enough in the shadow of the short wall that Elizabeth hoped he wouldn’t notice.

It had been until a couple of weeks ago that Elizabeth finally started to notice Roy. _Really_ notice him. Growing up he had been her best friend, but also someone to tease and play with every day. They had become inseparable, and still were to this day.

But now that she was a woman things were starting to change. When he smiled at her, Elizabeth noticed an odd sensation appearing in her stomach while her heart fluttered in her chest. She found herself wanting to spend more and more time with him, which was becoming increasingly difficult as her lessons about becoming Queen picked up in frequency and length week by week.

The only time they had to themselves was during training. About six times out of ten she would always beat him in a sparring match. It pleased her greatly and irritated him no end, which only furthered her amusement. When it came to magic, however, she was completely outgunned. The boy had always been tricky, casting subtle spells while they sparred, to ensure his victory.

The memory of the two of them training last week came unbidden into Elizabeth’s head.

 _Not now_ , she thought with embarrassed horror. Her stomach clenched and her heart fluttered.

Elizabeth had been winning but something Roy had said – she couldn’t even remember what – threw her. In a second, he had her pinned in the dirt. The memory of his leg pressed across her hips, his hands grasping her own above her head, still haunted her to this day.

“I tried to look for you earlier,” Elizabeth managed to choke out. Anything to steer her mind away from the path it was currently travelling down. “I’m sorry, I got caught up in speaking to stuck up Lord So and So and his wife, Lady Patronising as Hell.”

Roy choked. “I don’t think referring to them like that will win you any favours.”

“I don’t care,” she replied.

“You should,” he replied suddenly. Elizabeth frowned, turning to face him. “This is your future you are building here. You shouldn’t be worrying about seeing me. You should be building relationships.”

“You sound like my mother.”

Roy shrugged. “She is right. You need to focus on this, not on me.”

Elizabeth sat up a little straighter. _What was he saying?_

“The thought of talking to these people any longer than necessary makes me want to vomit. The only way I will ever get through this is with you by my side.”

Silence descended. The cool wind had blown out the candles long ago leaving them in darkness. Elizabeth wished she could see his face in that moment to see what he was thinking. He _needed_ to understand that. When she became Queen she wanted him by her side. Surely he knew that already?

When he didn’t reply Elizabeth sighed. Leaning against his warm body, she shifted closer to the heat, grasping his arm tightly. Elizabeth wasn’t sure if it was the nature of his magic that always made him so warm, or if he was simply one of the lucky ones with good blood circulation, but she was always thankful for it. Her head lowered to his shoulder and she closed her eyes, basking in his ever present comfort and warmth.

“Anyway,” she yawned, feeling the fatigue overtake her once more. “Life would be boring without you. I would have no one to tease, and that is no way to live at all.”

She felt him chuckle beneath her head.

Enveloped in his warmth, she allowed herself to drift off into the abyss.

* * *

**ROY**

His stomach clenched upon hearing Elizabeth’s words.

She wanted him by her side?

He had known by simply walking into the main hall tonight that he was well out of his league. He would never be at the same standard as the other people in the room. Just one glance at the sons of the noblemen made his heart plummet into his stomach. Elizabeth would be expected to pick one of those… gentlemen for a husband.

And not him.

His parents were old friends with the King and Queen, but they were not of high status. Definitely lower on the rungs of society’s ladder than anyone in this room tonight. He had felt extremely inferior next to them all. His hopes of one day courting Elizabeth had been dashed tonight. He had always held onto that foolish hope, but that was exactly what it was. The dream of a fool.

Then he saw her enter the room… She had literally taken his breath away. As if his eyes had been opened, he was seeing her for the first time.

It had been in the last couple of weeks that he had felt something shift between them. He thought back to their sparring match and quickly dismissed the thought, out of the fear that the issue would suddenly become _very_ apparent.

He hadn’t meant to pin her. She had been aggravating him the whole time and he snapped. He had only been trying to shut her up. But it worked. Elizabeth had been so shocked, her lips parted slightly as she stared up at him with that _look_ she had worn.

Roy shivered and not from the cold.

Even now with her head on his shoulder it felt right. The pair had been together since they had first met. Roy knew that it would kill him to see someone else courting her. His heart would shatter into pieces if he witnessed her marry another.

But he would swallow his grief because Elizabeth was his Queen. She always had been, since they first met. He would do anything for his Queen, even if it meant sacrificing his own happiness for her and her kingdom.

The words left a bad taste in his mouth. But while she was currently dozing on his shoulder, he would indulge himself. He could pretend that one day they would be married and scenarios like this would become the norm. His stomach clenched at the thought of moments like this no longer being possible if she had a husband, but Roy firmly pushed them away.

They would never be able to marry, he was sure of it. He was not good enough for a Princess. But he would do his absolute best to protect her life in every way possible.

And for tonight, for just now… He would pretend.

* * *

**AMELIA**

The Queen tutted to herself and shook her head, but not without a smile once her husband informed her of where her daughter currently was hiding. Ameila was proud of Elizabeth. She had done phenomenally well tonight, charming each and every one of the guests here.

Truth be told, Amelia wasn’t fond of these events but it was a necessary evil to ensure their subject’s loyalty. The last thing they needed was a coup like scenario from the noblemen and women. It had happened in the past and Amelia was a firm believer in looking at history to ensure it didn’t repeat itself.

Silently the Queen slipped outside into the balcony her daughter had escaped to, only to freeze.

Elizabeth was on the floor facing her, skirts all bunched up on her lap. Amelia’s lips quirked upwards at the sight of the leather boots, but what made her smile broaden was the sight of Elizabeth’s head on Roy’s shoulder as she slept against him. The latter’s eyes were also closed, but his breathing was not as deep and even as her daughter’s.

“I love you Riza,” he whispered quietly to her sleeping daughter.

It made Amelia’s chest want to burst in happiness, but something held her back. It was Roy’s tone… There was an element of sadness in there. It was so intense that Amelia froze once more. The pain had been so raw in his voice that it had cracked slightly on the fond nickname the man had given her not too long ago.

_Why did it sound like he was saying goodbye?_

Amelia cleared her throat quietly. She watched as Roy’s eyes popped open. Her expression turned amused as the stark fear shot across his features. He stuttered quietly to himself, trying to find an explanation, but was coming up blank.

Amelia walked over to them both, noting how he was flapping, but he made sure Elizabeth’s head never fell from his shoulder. She also didn’t miss how their hands were entwined together in between their bodies.

“Your Majesty,” he stammered. “I can explain.”

“Hush,” she soothed him. “You don’t need to explain anything,” she smiled. “I have known for years this day would come. I am simply pleased you have realised it too.” Roy’s mouth fell open in surprise and his face turned a deep red. “When she awakes could you escort her to her rooms?” Roy nodded mutely, still too surprised. “Tell her I am very proud of her tonight. And I am proud of you too,” the Queen added cryptically, even winking at the young man who had stolen her daughter’s heart.

Since they were both children, Amelia knew this day would come. She knew Roy had some reservations about the situation, but he had never shared what they were. The Queen had only hoped he would either share them with her, or discuss it with Elizabeth. They were clearly meant to be together and it would devastate both Elizabeth and Roy if that never happened.

Silently, Amelia returned to the main hall.

“Is everything all right, my love?” Berthold asked as she re-joined him.

“Everything is perfect.”


	29. stupid mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elizabeth Hawkeye is finally free from her duties so she seeks out Roy, her oldest friend, however she finds that the conversation is not what she expected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is part 2 of puppy love! angst is ahead, so be warned
> 
> with this one you'll see why these two were my faves ;)
> 
> enjoy!

 

**ELIZABETH**

Elizabeth sighed in relief as she was dismissed for the night. She leaned heavily against the heavy oak door she had just exited from and took a deep breath. Then she grinned.

She was finally free! Pushing off the door with renewed vigour she skipped down the empty hallway until she reached the end, entering the main hallway to the castle. Staff were milling about here so she slowed her gait, but her excitement was still plain on her face.

Ever since her introductory ball she had been stuck in dinner's and lunches with the Lords and Ladies of their lands. It was tedious, it was boring, and it was downright exhausting listening to their petty conversation. "Lord Something or Other did this," they would tell her father, who only nodded in feigned understanding. "Deal with them," they'd say and the King would dole out some kind of advice to placate them, then catch her eye after looking away. By the end of the two weeks Elizabeth had become an expert at hiding her laughter behind her tea cup.

Now it was all over and done with! The last two weeks had been hell for Elizabeth. She missed Roy. She missed normal conversation. She also desperately missed her training. Her hands were itching to hold a sword or a bow in them again, rather than a tea cup. After all those lunches she didn't know if she could face eating cake ever again.

It was a miracle her appetite had remained with her throughout regardless. The way their guests looked at her either made her blood boil or her skin crawl. She was not a piece of meat that would be auctioned off to them. She was not a woman who was going to be gifted off to one of their brats as a wife. They would be marrying  _her_. They would be assuming  _her_  name. Elizabeth would be the one to choose, not them. She deserved a bit of goddamn respect.

And their  _sons_. Good grief. What a boring group of people. They either looked as uninterested as her or tried to woo her while their parents talked. It would be safe to say they were unsuccessful. She didn't want to marry someone who made her shudder, thank you very much. Too bad they didn't take the hint. The ones who were interested wouldn't take no for an answer. It angered her that it took her father's stern warning to get them to back off, but she was thankful for the support. Berthold didn't want any of those smarmy bastards joining his family any more than she did.

"Oh!" somebody gasped in front of her. The tray Mr. Henderson carried was filled with papers and it wobbled in his surprise as Elizabeth almost collided with him. Two fluttered from the tray onto the floor.

"Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Henderson!" Elizabeth stooped low, her irritating dress bunching up around her waist. She snatched the papers from the floor and handed him to her father's steward. "I wasn't looking where I was going," she replied sheepishly. She couldn't help it. She had just been too excited.

Mr. Henderson chuckled. "No harm done, My Lady."

"Sorry! I'll be more careful next time!" she called back in her haste to reach her destination. Mr. Henderson just shook his head and smiled fondly as she grinned back at him.

Once the busy part of the castle had been navigated successfully Elizabeth began to run. She sprinted up the stairs to her rooms, taking two at a time. Once there she changed into her comfortable clothes in record time. She removed her hair from its up-do and shook her head, feeling her tresses fall about her face. Looking in the mirror she noticed how flushed her face was. She grinned at her reflection then ran out of her room. The door slammed behind her as she knocked on her neighbour's.

* * *

**ROY**

Roy tensed when he heard the knock on his door. He debated with himself, wondering if leaving it would convince his guest to leave him be.

That was a coward's way out.

He folded his shirt neatly and placed it in the trunk. Breathing in and out he willed his hands to steady, but the shake didn't want to disappear. Because he  _knew_  who was on the other side of the door. He  _knew_  the conversation he had dreaded for the last two weeks was coming. No one else knew about his plan and now he was going to drop the bomb and hurt the person he swore he never would. He had known this day was coming as he sat on that balcony with Elizabeth's head on his shoulder.

Roy wasn't entirely sure about Elizabeth's feelings towards him. They had never talked about it and Roy didn't want to bring up his. He wasn't suited for a Princess, he knew that. He had known it for years. No one had said these words to him, but deep in his gut he had always known. The King and Queen seemed unfazed about his relationship with their daughter, but now she had been introduced to society she would be expected to choose a husband of similar social status. He was an orphan. Yes, his parents had been good friends of the royal family, but they had held no lands, no titles. They were commoners but they were good, honest people.

As he opened the door his heart constricted painfully. There she was. She looked stunning in her casual attire. For the past two weeks she had worn nothing but dresses and complained about them constantly to him. Well, whenever he had made himself available. Oh, he had wanted to seek out his oldest friend every day, but then he would remember exactly where she was headed. She was going somewhere he would not be permitted. He would not be able to follow her. Reality was like a cold bucket of water being poured over him. So he had stayed away.

But… She was so beautiful. Her smile was radiant, appearing to light up the darkened hallway behind her. Her long hair tumbled around her shoulders. Roy itched to run his fingers through it. His hand remained clenched by his side while the other gripped the door handle tighter.

_You are not good enough for her._

"Hi!" she beamed. She was so excited… This wasn't fair. Roy wished he didn't have to do this to her, but it was for the greater good. It would kill him to watch her marry someone else. He wasn't strong enough to do that. So he would leave. He would leave this castle and Elizabeth behind so she could be happy.

That was his plan.

Briefly he had hoped to sneak out undetected but that wouldn't be fair to Elizabeth. Plus, it wouldn't be right. The King and Queen had taken him in at his mother and father's last request before they died. They had given him everything. A roof over his head, magic lessons, and a friend he had grown to love. He couldn't just ditch them like that. Tomorrow he would officially request their permission to move to the Mage's College. It was far enough away that, over time, Elizabeth would forget all about him. He would watch her reign as a brilliant and loving Queen from afar.

He had sworn to protect her life when he had become a soldier. As his future Queen he had a duty to protect her at all costs. She had recently begun talking about becoming a Captain in the guard. She had dreamed about it for years. Her determination and drive during training left no doubt in his mind that she would be a fantastic Captain. He had vowed he would ride by her side as her equal, the two of them fighting side by side.

But he would never be her equal, would he?

"Roy?" she asked once he didn't reply. Her smile faltered.

Roy shook his head. "You shouldn't be here," he told her. Every word felt like a dagger in his own heart, but he didn't dare let it show. If Elizabeth saw his weakness she would know he was lying.

"What?" she asked as she stepped inside his rooms. Composing himself, he let out a quiet breath and closed the door.

"Don't you have a dinner to go to?" he replied, trying a different tactic. To be honest he hadn't meant for that to be his greeting. It had just slipped out. Damn, he was becoming distracted with her so close to him.

Her bright smile returned. "Nope! They are all done." She flopped down on his bed as she had done so many times before, staring up at the ceiling looking extremely relieved. Roy realised just how inappropriate that action would be from now on. This wasn't good. Elizabeth sighed happily and took a deep breath. Roy's stomach tightened.

He didn't reply to her because in all honesty every word was stuck in his throat. He couldn't do this to her. He  _couldn't_ –

He would. This was for the best. Elizabeth had her duty and now he had his. He would leave and train hard to become better at his fire magic. Elizabeth would get married and if that news didn't kill him, in a few years he might be able to return to join the royal guard once more and continue the job he had promised himself he would do, protecting her at all costs.

There would just be someone else to protect as well… Maybe a small child too –

 _Stop torturing yourself, Roy_.

But that was his reality now, as bleak as it looked.

"I'm sorry I haven't seen you very often these last two weeks," Elizabeth explained exasperated. Her eyes continued to search the ceiling above his bed. They had lain there for hours over the past couple of years, simply talking about life. His chest contracted painfully as he realised how much he would miss her. Once he was rid of these troublesome feelings, he would return and hopefully keep that friendship with Elizabeth. There would be no more lying side by side in either of their beds though, complaining about the things teenagers think are the end of the world. That saddened him more than anything.

He was going to  _really_  miss her.

"I have been  _so_  busy with those stupid lunches and dinners. Mother insists I go, and I understand why, but I  _hate_  it. I don't think Mother and Father as too keen on it either, but as Mother likes to say, "We can't let history repeat itself"!" Elizabeth propped herself up on her elbows, grinning at him. When she saw his face, her smile fell. Then she noticed how everything was out of place in his room. One of his trunks lay to his left while the other lay at the foot of the bed, half filled with his clothes. "Where are you going?"

Roy brushed aside how she sounded slightly fearful. That must have been part of his imagination. "To the Mage's College."

"Why?" she demanded.

"To improve upon fire magic," he replied, voice strong and determined. A lie. Inside he felt anything but. The terrified look in her face made his chest burn. "I want to get better."

"That will take… years."

Roy nodded. "Yes."

"But… But… You can't go!"

The desperation in her voice almost floored him. He wouldn't dare to dream she shared the same feelings he did because if Roy did, he may never leave. He would never be able to do what must be done.

"I must. It is the only way I will get better."

"Father can teach you." She shot up from the bed. "He has done it for years. There is no reason for him to stop now."

"He already has."

"What?" she whispered.

"He told me that for a few months lessons will stop while he has duties to attend to. You come first to him, and rightly so," Roy replied evenly, his stomach churning painfully. "He has to assure your future first and foremost."

"But… But…" She desperately tried to find words to say.

"If I go to the Mage College I can improve on my skill there and get better faster. Then I can come back in a couple of months." That last part was a barefaced lie. It looked like Elizabeth knew it. Her eyes narrowed.

"You won't come back, will you?"

She had figured it out a lot sooner than he had anticipated, but he didn't know why he had expected anything less. Elizabeth could always see right through him.

"I will."

"Don't  _lie_ ," she demanded. "Not to me."

"I will return, Elizabeth."

"Stop it!" she shouted. She was angry. This was not something he had anticipated. "What is this about? Really?"

"Nothing," Roy replied, swallowing thickly. This was moving into dangerous territory.

"Bullshit." Roy choked. "Tell me the truth.  _Now_."

"Riza –"

"If you lie to me again I will stab you with a knife," she barked. He cursed himself. He promised he wouldn't use that nickname. Not anymore. They needed distance, not the closeness that nickname provided. In fact, he had coined it for her in this very room late one night.

"I'm not good enough for you!" he exploded. The resulting silence threatened to suffocate him.

"What?"

It was too late. The damage was done.

"I am not good enough for you," he repeated. Each word was a sucker punch to his gut because he had always known this, but had never admitted it out loud. The thought of Elizabeth agreeing with him might just end him then and there.

"Says who?" she demanded. Tears pricked at her eyes, but Elizabeth made no move to wipe them away.

"I do!" he shouted. "I'm nothing! I'm no noble man, nor do I hold any titles or lands in this kingdom. I am just an orphan," he added sadly. "An orphan doesn't get to marry a Princess."

"You… You…!"

"What, Riza?" He threw caution to the wind.

"You idiot!" she shouted, tears falling freely down her face. Her voice was thick with emotion now. "Is that what this is all about?"

"All what?" he asked cautiously. Frowning, Roy didn't particularly enjoy being called an idiot. Plus, this was… unexpected.

"You have been avoiding me for weeks. Every time you look at me it is with a sad look on your face, like you know something bad is coming but won't tell me." Her tears continued to fall and Roy felt his heart constrict. He hadn't wanted to do this to her. Roy had promised himself he would  _never_  make her cry. This was so much worse because he had hurt her as well. "I ignored it because I didn't want to believe it, but this…!" She gestured angrily at the trunks around his room. "This is  _stupid_!"

"How is it stupid?" he demanded himself. "I am doing not only you, but myself a favour."

"How?"

"Because…" The words died in his throat. He didn't want to admit it to her. Admitting it to Elizabeth meant it would become real.

"What?!"

"Because I love you!" Elizabeth's mouth opened in shock, her eyes boring into his. "I love you and I think it might  _kill_  me to watch you marry one of those stupid kids. So yes, I will leave and go to the Mage College. When I'm there you will forget all about me and be able to do your duty as a Princess."

Elizabeth just continued to stare at him.

"But –"

"Don't ask me to stay," he growled. "Don't be selfish. I will always be your friend, Riza, but don't ask me to watch you do  _that_. I can't."

She continued to say nothing and that was all the answer Roy needed. Elizabeth knew it and Roy knew it. They would never be able to be together. That was a damning fact.

He strode across to the trunk holding his clothes and begun to back once more, folding his shirts as his hands trembled. "I will be out of your hair tomorrow."

A hand gripped his forearm tightly and spun him around. His brow furrowed in confusion and anger.  _What_  was she doing –?

She kissed him. Her lips pressed against his hard and Roy was too shocked to respond.

"Don't  _ever_  say you are not good enough for me," she stated fiercely. "You are the best person for me. You understand me better than anyone else does, better than my  _parents_." Her gaze fell to his chest, where one of her hands now rested. He felt her warmth through his shirt and he savoured it. "I meant what I said on that balcony. I want you by my side through all of this but not as a guard and not as a friend."

"But –"

"No buts!" Her hardened expression softened as she smiled at him. "I love you too, Roy. Always have. I want you by my side as a King."

Roy was speechless. This couldn't be happening.

"You may not think you are worthy but it is  _I_  who feels unworthy of you. You are so good. I was just scared that you wouldn't want this life of dinners and balls so I never asked you. I didn't want to bring it up because I was terrified of  _this_  happening." She gestured around the room.

"I just thought… I wanted to do the right thing. I wouldn't have been able to stay if you didn't feel the same way."

His Riza smiled up at him. Her eyes wet with unshed tears. "You always try to do the right thing. This…" She looked around the room. "Was not it. Why didn't you just talk to me?" He felt the hurt in her voice inside his own heart. "We talk about everything."

"I know." He wrapped both arms around her. The shirt he had been holding fell to the floor, forgotten. "I'm sorry," he whispered kissing the top of her head. Roy felt her sigh beneath his arms. "But like you, I was scared too."

"New rule; you stop being an idiot about this." She chuckled as Roy scoffed in response. "You know I am right."

"You are always right, Riza."

The grip on him tightened. "And I will always be  _your_  Riza. Understood?"

"Yes, dear," he replied dutifully, laughing quietly as Riza giggled against his chest. "Although," he pulled away, looking down into her eyes. "Our first kiss wasn't the best one. May I rectify that?"

The smile on her face was as bright as the sun.

"You may."


	30. general asshole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Roy has just finished forming his whole team and and a general intent on making Roy's life miserable assigns them a mission which goes badly and it's not Roy's fault but later in his office the general chews roy out in front of his entire team and Roy is upset about it so Riza comforts him and reminds him that they all signed up for this, knowing that not everything would always turn out well." - Anon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who doesn't love some self destructive mustang and protective hawkeye?

 

“What the _hell_ were you playing at Mustang?”

The General was in his face now. A bit of spit hit Roy’s cheek and he tried his best not to flinch.

Tried.

“Not only did you fail spectacularly,” General Park berated him. “But you put your entire team in danger because of your incompetence.”

 _No,_ you _set us up to fail from the start._ You _sent us on a doomed mission –_

“I told General Grumman it was a mistake to promote you to Colonel,” he growled, continuing to pace in front of him. This charade of berating him – in front of his whole team, just to add insult to injury – was all for show. It was meant to intimidate. Roy hated to admit it was working. Not for his sake, but in terms of his team. They had only been working together for a week. They’d all readily agreed to work with him to achieve his goal, however the first mission they were sent on, their commanding officer failed spectacularly, causing the escape of their two perpetrators?

It didn’t instil confidence. Quite the opposite.

He wouldn’t be surprised if they transferred a week later.

General Park had assigned Roy a mission which he _knew_ would be doomed from the get-go, however orders were orders and in his newly promoted position of Colonel he wasn’t going to argue.

Ishval had certainly taught him how to suck it up and get on with it.

Roy shuddered, feeling instantly dirty at the thought.

The mission was simple. On paper. In truth it was rife with inaccuracies and inconsistencies. The thieves were a duo who had robbed a store, with clear evidence present at the scene, however the General stated in the report that they had a clear alibi for the robbery.

 _What_?

Roy tried to question Park about it, but he had been dismissed before he’d even got the chance.

How convenient. It was almost as if the General _wanted_ him to fail.

If Roy didn’t know any better, he’d say Park orchestrated the whole thing to make Roy slip up.

In short, the thieves escaped, using dynamite to collapse a building to cover their tracks. They were idiots, but they were destructive idiots, and that was dangerous. It had almost cost Roy the lives of his new team mates.

 “You are inexperienced, incompetent, and if I was your CO I would have you demoted right here and now!” General Park stopped, his face mere inches from Roy as he tried to intimidate him further.

Roy didn’t even flinch.

Not getting the desired reaction, the General scoffed, turning away and striding to his desk.

“You are dismissed. General Grumman wishes to speak to you immediately. Get out of my sight,” he spat, not looking up from his paperwork.

“Sir,” Roy replied with a crisp salute. He resisted the urge to make a different gesture.

He breezed past the team and out the office. There was no _fucking_ need for the General to make them stay while he chewed Roy out. No fucking need.

“All of you return to the office,” Roy stated evenly. His voice didn’t betray an ounce of the anger or indignation he felt.

A chorus of “yes, sirs” sounded as he left them to walk to Grumman’s office.

There was a pause in the steps, as he expected, but with a muted sigh even Hawkeye turned and followed the team.

That conversation would happen after. He… He needed to speak with her. He needed her to tell him just _where_ that mission had all gone wrong.

They had been temporarily assigned to General Park while General Grumman was out of town on business. Park had never liked Roy, and he was still trying to figure out why. Often, he thought it was because he was afraid of Roy and just how quickly he was ascending the ranks. Dear old General Park hadn’t reached the rank of Colonel until his mid thirties and here was Roy, a Colonel in his mid-twenties, ten years earlier than Park.

Nothing like a sixty-year-old man feeling threatened by a twenty-six-year-old.

Resisting the urge to scoff at his thought, Roy knocked on General Grumman’s office.

Their conversation was brief. Grumman expressed his distaste at Park’s behaviour.

“He’s an oaf,” Grumman announced loudly, uncaring about who would overhear. Roy’s eyes widened at how blasé he could be, but Roy had also come to learn that was just how Grumman operated. “Don’t worry about him, I’ll be having a word with General Park.” He sniffed, his sour expression displaying just what he thought of the dear General.

“Please, sir, I don’t want to cause any trouble –”

Grumman waved away his worries. “That man doesn’t get to berate one of my subordinates like that. In front of his entire _team_ no less,” he ground out. An odd feeling stirred in Roy’s chest. Grumman had always been on his side, but it was still nice to hear it all the same. “No, I will definitely be having a word with General Park.”

Roy was dismissed and he made a beeline straight for the men’s room. He needed a moment before he faced them all again.

He needn’t have worried because the office was empty when he returned.

Well, empty, save for Hawkeye who was working diligently at her desk.

“Sir,” she saluted when he walked into the room. He simply nodded and retreated to his desk, not in the mood for pleasantries. “The rest are away to lunch, sir. I picked something up for you before returning to the office.”

Sure enough, there was a sandwich on his desk, placed neatly next to a steaming cup of coffee.

He almost lost it then.

“Thank you, Hawkeye,” he replied hoarsely.

“Anytime, sir.”

She really was too good to him. Far better than he deserved.

Trying to concentrate on his work was a fruitless affair. All he heard was that damn General’s words pounding into his skull.

“Sir?” Hawkeye asked, suddenly very close by. He jumped in his chair. The sudden noise was unexpected. He then realised he’d had his head in his hands as he stared down at the sandwich on his desk, only one bite taken out of it.

He couldn’t eat it because it felt dry and stale in his mouth.

“It was all for show,” Hawkeye stated, as if reading his mind. Roy glanced up at her face. Her expression was neutral. Her bangs fell over her face as she studied the paperwork on his desk, one of her hands moving from being clasped behind his back to pull a piece of paper closer so she could inspect it. “A show of power, nothing more.”

“I still didn’t appreciate being dragged over the coals like that for something that wasn’t even my fault,” he grumbled.

“I know. Neither would I. The whole time I was thinking how nice a bullet would look between his eyes.” Roy choked on his own saliva. “However, we were stuck, forced to watch his little pantomime. He is threatened by you, that’s all.”

“He’s intent on making my life a living hell. He has been since I was promoted to Colonel.”

“Our lives are already a living hell, so he doesn’t win that point,” Riza reminded him, her voice lowering to a murmur.

“True,” Roy agreed, sobering.

“I wouldn’t worry about it too much. We all knew this wouldn’t be plain sailing from the start, yet we _all_ signed up for this. We _all_ agreed to work with you, didn’t we?”

“Yes,” Roy sighed.

Riza nodded. “So, don’t worry about what the team thinks. You are young and in a high position, that makes you a target. Breda’s words, not mine. We’re all aware this rise to the top won’t be easy, but we’re all here because we believe in you. One little slip up isn’t going to change that.”

Roy smiled. Genuinely smiled. “Thank you, Hawkeye.”

“Any time, sir. Now eat,” she commanded, a teasing smile on her face. They heard loud voices echoing down the hallway, their peace interrupted.

“I thought I was supposed to be the one giving orders around here.”

Hawkeye’s lips quirked up before she returned to her desk, their conversation now over as the men approached the office. As soon as they saw Roy the door was closed quickly and they all jumped to his defence, each of them – even young Fuery – saying how General Park didn’t know what he was talking about, and that he was a great CO.

Roy caught Hawkeye’s eye and she gave him the smallest of smiles.

There was nothing to worry about after all.

“Okay,” she announced, trying to calm the rowdy men. “Let’s all get back to work.” They continued to grumble about what had happened that morning but listened and agreed with Hawkeye.

“Hopefully General Grumman will sort it all out,” Fuery whispered to Havoc.

“I’m sure he will,” Hawkeye placated them. “After all, General Asshole definitely needs a talking to after that pointless scene he just caused.”

Roy choked on his sandwich while the men sat in stunned silence before erupting into laughter.


	31. teenage royai argument

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Could you write something that takes place during Roy's apprenticeship with Berthold Hawkeye shortly after he started and he doesn't get along with Riza even though he tries to. One day they start fighting, Roy calls Riza a bitch, Riza gets mad and tells him that his parents only sent him here because they hate him and don't want him around and Roy is upset and leaves, Riza finds him later crying about it and he tells her that his parents are dead and she feels bad and apologizes." - anon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> young!royai is always a delight to write so this was a treat!

Tensions were high in the Hawkeye household and it wasn't because Roy's first alchemy exam - courtesy of her father and his intense way of teaching.

Well, that had something to do with it.

It was because Riza and Roy were currently walking on eggshells around each other after dumb argument they’d had that morning. It was so petty that even now Riza felt ridiculous, but then she remembered his words and felt another surge of anger.

They’d never really seen eye to eye on a lot of things. He was too loud and demanding for her liking and she was too quiet and apparently “stuck her nose up” at everything he suggested. Riza had been outraged to hear that was how Roy thought of her, because it wasn’t true at all. Just because she didn’t want to listen to him loudly boasting about idiotic things like how he could run the fastest out of all the boys in his neighbourhood, didn’t make her stuck up. It made her irritated hearing him trying to put her down by asking what achievements _she_ had to her name.

He’d tried to strike up a friendship, and so had Riza, but she thought they just didn’t work. They didn’t mesh well together. He was a pompous and arrogant idiot that Riza had no time for.

However, they’d reached a truce a few weeks ago when Roy had complained about how stupid and unfair this exam was, not knowing that Riza had just entered the room to hear him. He’d jumped and scowled, but there was a panicked look in his eyes, afraid she might run and tell her father.

Instead, she approached the kitchen table and quietly took a seat.

“ _Sometimes, he’s too much for me too._ ”

They’d bonded over their mutual frustration regarding her father’s teachings and upbringings, and so begun a tentative friendship.

Now, that was in tatters.

Riza had been helping the stressed teenager study and asked him _how_ he could have possibly gotten a simple question wrong - meant more as a playful joke than anything else, and the first one Riza had ever made in his presence - but Roy had snapped back, stating that at least he could _do_ alchemy, unlike her. Riza had stated at him, slightly dumbfounded. He then went on to state that no wonder her father had chosen him over Riza to teach alchemy. She’d stood abruptly, the textbook falling off her lap and landing with a _thump_ on the floor. Roy didn't even look up. She stormed out the room trying to fight back the tears without so much as an apology from the boy she'd been trying to help.

Riza remembered the days when her father had tried to teach her alchemy. She remembered the yelling and the berating.

" _I can't believe I was cursed with such a child who’d not only taken my wife's life away from her, but was also so useless at alchemy, she is unable to carry on my legacy._ "

Shortly after that conversation, he’d brought on Roy as an apprentice.

That's why, initially, Riza wanted nothing to do with this damned science. It could burn in hell for all she cared – and that opinion remained – however, being cooped up in the house with only her recluse of a father and another teenager, Riza had naturally sought out companionship. Alchemy came part and parcel with her fledgling friendship with Roy.

It was also another way she could try and please her father, by helping the boy succeed, however she’d never openly admit that to _anyone_. It took a lot for Riza to even admit that to herself.

Now it was two days later, and the exam was tomorrow morning. This would determine whether Roy would be kept on or not. Naturally, he would be nervous and stressed, but that didn't excuse being mean when she'd only been trying to help and lighten the mood.

Riza entered the kitchen after dinner for a glass of water only to jump in fright at the sight of a dark figure sitting, slouched, against the table. The door creaked loudly, the hinges yelling their desperate plea for some maintenance and care. Roy started in his chair, sitting bolt upright, a piece of paper stuck to his face with his drool.

She wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all, but his angry words remained, clinging painfully to her chest. Without a word she continued on her way and retrieved a glass from the cupboard. Roy only coughed in response, followed by the sound of paper rustling.

Time seemed to stretch for an eternity and for some reason the constant sound of paper moving _really_ begun to grate on Riza’s nerves.

“You had no right to say what you did,” she managed to announce to the silent room, the anger inside her belly overcoming the nervousness in the face of confrontation. It was time for her to stand up for herself and Riza Hawkeye was more than ready because it was a long time coming.

“Neither did you,” Roy stated, voice hard.

Riza whirled around, the running water forgotten. “I was trying to _help_ you. I have been since you started preparing for this exam, in case you’d forgotten.”

“ _Why_ did you volunteer to help if you were only going to make fun of me?” he fired back.

“I was trying to lighten the mood! And, because I don’t want you to go!”

Silence filled the room and for once Riza was proud of herself. She’d finally managed to render the great Roy Mustang mute.

“I don’t care,” he sniffed. “It sucks here anyway. I don’t care if I get kept on or not.” His tone was petulant but teenage Riza was unable to distinguish that. She only felt hurt in her chest as the one person who was the closest thing to a friend for Riza stated they didn’t care about staying here with her anymore.

“Fine,” she whispered. “Screw this up. See if I care!”

“Fine, I will!” he shouted back. No doubt this whole conversation had disturbed her father but Riza didn’t care. “It will save me the hassle of putting up with the crazy bastard in the other room and his bitch of a daughter!”

Riza’s expression was cold and unforgiving as she replied. “The only reason you’re here is because your parents hate you and didn’t want to put up with you anymore,” she replied, just as hatefully as Roy’s retort, but there was something different in his face. “Good luck crawling back to a home where no one wants you after you fail this exam!”

Roy’s mouth was parted and Riza – dare she say it – thought she saw his eyes becoming wet.

He was gone and out the room in seconds, the back door slamming loudly.

Where pride had found her before, now there was only regret. She wasn’t proud of what she’d said in the slightest. It wasn’t nice, it was mean, and that was not the kind of person Riza was. Even though Roy had initiated it with his unkind words, Riza didn’t need to add fuel to the fire. However, she wouldn’t just sit back and take his abuse – she’d done that enough in the face of her father and had vowed that it would happen no longer.

Standing up to her father was still incredibly difficult, but standing up to a someone she didn’t really know that well? She could do that.

What Riza couldn’t understand was why her words had caused such a reaction?

Oh. Oh _no_.

Were his parents…? Was everything all right back at his home in Central?

Riza had only seen his Aunt drop him off here, but she just guessed that was because his parents were maybe busy with work or something. She’d never ventured to try and put two and two together and Roy never mentioned anything about them.

Thunder cracked outside – the sound making Riza jump in fright, that’s how loud it was. A fork of lightening streaked through the sky and dived down behind the trees of the forest outside her home.

Roy was out there in the storm.

He was probably upset because of her comments. Riza knew she was.

She’d had a hand in causing this.

Grabbing both her and Roy’s rain jackets from the hook by the front door and a torch Riza took off into the night.

* * *

It was dark before she found him. Riza was soaked through to her bones, shivering uncontrollably with her teeth chattering loudly. Roy looked much the same, hunched over on an old tree trunk that had fallen down a few years ago in a thunderstorm. He looked as drenched as Riza felt. Hair plastered to his head and down his neck, his clothes shining with moisture.

The rain had been relentless as it fell while Riza had moved through the forest. Here, at this old fallen tree, it had lessened as they were more sheltered. The canopy above was thick, however fat drops dripped off the leaves and onto their bodies as the rain continued to fall high above them.

“Roy?” she called apprehensively, her teeth almost biting her tongue. His back was to her and Riza wasn’t sure what she would find when – or if – he turned to face her.

He did turn, but only after she called his name again and a little louder. Roy looked up at her, confusion plain on his face, but it also held an immense sadness. His eyes were desolate, his face wet. What were raindrops and what were tears, Riza couldn’t tell.

 _You caused this_.

“Are you okay?” she asked. Her chest tightened at the sight of him. He looked so small and sad – a shell of his usual arrogant self.

He shook his head.

“Here,” Riza offered him his jacket. Roy stared at it before looking back up at her for a brief second. Then, with finality, he shivered and turned back around to stare into the inky blackness of the trees.

A brief internal debate later, Riza draped his jacket over his shoulders and huddled on the fallen trunk next to him. Roy stiffened but didn’t say anything when she pressed her body up against his. She shivered next to him, a large shudder racking her body and causing it to bump against him. With a mumbled apology she looked ahead with him, formulating the correct words she needed to say in her mind.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. Thunder cracked again, making her jump, but Roy appeared to not have heard it. “What I said… I’m sorry if it was insensitive.” She risked a glance up at his face. He continued to stare straight ahead into the trees, unmoving and unflinching in the rain.

“My parents died.” Riza felt her blood run cold, the regret in her stomach knowing away painfully as his words registered with her. _Oh, god._ It was worse than she thought. And she just _had_ to go and put her foot in it and say something like _that_.

“Roy, I’m sorry, I truly am.” Her tone was earnest, desperate for him to understand. She felt like such an idiot. She was the worst person on the planet, throwing something like his dead parents back in his face.

She felt awful.

Appearing to have snapped out of whatever trance he was in, Roy shook his head, water slipping off his sodden hair and hitting Riza’s skin.

“You didn’t know.”

“That doesn’t excuse what I said –”

“Riza, please, just…” He trailed off, suddenly looking and sounding a lot older than his sixteen years. “Let’s not talk about it.”

She didn’t want to leave it be. Her words had been hateful, but so had his, she reminded herself. She’d basically stated his parents didn’t want him anymore that’s why he was here with her, but his parents were dead.

That was so much worse.

“I’m sorry too. For everything.”

“For everything?” Riza repeated, confused.

“I wasn’t the most open when I first arrived,” he elaborated. “It wasn’t intentional. Growing up where I grew up… Arrogance came as part of the deal. I had to because if I didn’t then I would’ve gotten eaten alive for being the scrawny kid with no real talents except his brains.” He laughed to himself but Riza knew there was nothing funny about it. “I had to lie my way through a lot with the other kids because they… Well, they weren’t the nicest. The area I used to live in wasn’t the nicest, but it was home,” he added, an almost wistful smile on his face.

“Strategy and alchemy have always been my strong point so at least I was able to get myself out of some rough situations.” Riza’s heart constricted at the thought of her friends being left to fend for himself like that. It didn’t sound pleasant at all. “Now, it’s just a habit. A defence mechanism. So, I apologise if I came on too strong with you. I know how irritating that behaviour can be.”

“It was a little much,” she whispered, bumping his shoulder with her own. A small smile tugged at his lips and Riza counted that as win, even if his face did drop again. Roy wiped his nose with the back of his hand, rubbing at his eyes.

“Can we… Can we just, start over?” he asked, expression earnest as he finally turned his body to face her. “I… I’m not proud of what I said, and it was unfair. I think…” He sighed heavily, dropping his gaze. “I thought you were making fun of me like the kids back home used to do. That’s why I snapped.”

“I was trying to lighten the mood,” Riza explained. “I didn’t mean to –”

“It’s okay,” he reassured her with a real smile this time. “We could be here all day handing out apologies for every little thing we said in anger. I’m really sorry for that. And, if you’re willing, I’d like to start over, because I really like you, Riza.” His eyes widened as he spotted her blush. “No – No! Not like that,” he stuttered. “I mean, you’re really lovely, and a really nice person, not stuck up at all like I said before –”

“Roy,” she interrupted, still embarrassed by the blush that had appeared on her face. “We’re good on my end,” Riza stated, telling him all was forgiven. Now, she waited with bated breath to hear if the feeling was mutual for him, and not that she’d made the biggest mistake of her life by driving probably the only person she could call a friend away from her with some angry words.

“We’re good on my end,” he repeated back with another smile. He turned away and sighed in relief, completely missing the way Riza’s face turned pink again at the sight of his smile. “I’ll cut the shit and work on being more bearable,” he offered, a strained smile on his face as he turned back to face her.

“That’s all I ask,” she stated solemnly before breaking out in a grin, nudging his shoulder to tell him she was joking. “Come on, we should get back before we get hypothermia,” Riza offered.

She stood, offering her hand to Roy. He stared at it before looking up at her eyes. Riza remained steady under his scrutiny. Obviously, it had been hard for him to trust thanks to his upbringing – something she was intrigued by and wanted to learn more about, should he offer – so that explained the hesitation.

However, Riza felt a thrill of happiness as he gripped her hand tightly and hauled himself up to his feet. With a sigh, another sniff, and a wipe of his eyes, Roy nodded and was ready to return home. Riza gave him a quick smile and the two rushed into the rain and back to her home as quickly as they could.


	32. teenage royai discussion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I really love your writing, especially your royai oneshots with a hurt or upset roy and a comforting riza. Maybe you could write a sequel to the oneshot when Riza finds out Roy's parents are dead and maybe a few weeks later, she gets up the courage to ask him how they died and he finally tells her about it and gets a little emotional when he's telling her, so she gigs him and holds him while he tells her?" - Anon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is a sequel to the previous oneshot! the aftermath of their argument ;D

 

Riza shifted her weight from foot to foot. She was nervous. Her hands were being wrung together in front of her as she moved, trying desperately to try and formulate the right words she wanted to say in her head.

It’d been a few weeks since her and Roy’s argument. She still wasn’t proud of what she’d said and since starting fresh, their friendship budding nicely, Riza had tried at every moment to make it up to him.

Losing one’s parents was not a pleasant experience. Riza had lost her mother young, _too_ young, so never got to experience that loss. All she knew was growing up without a mother was extremely difficult, made even harder by the fact she was a constant disappointment to her father.

She had no idea just how old Roy had lost his parents, but tonight she would hopefully find out.

It had been gnawing at her for weeks and Roy had noticed. Her childlike curiosity had gotten the best of her and she’d finally plucked up the courage to ask. After all, she knew what it was like to lost a parent. She could help him with it.

“Hey,” Roy greeted suddenly, making Riza jump in fright. She was in the back garden, the early summer sun high in the sky as it blanketed them both in its heat. There was a gently breeze that tugged at her golden hair. Her fringe constantly fell across her eyes and tickled her face, causing Riza to push it off her face in irritation frequently. It didn’t help that the heat was causing the hair to stick to her face, making her even more uncomfortable.

Riza had never enjoyed the heat.

“Hey, Roy.”

“What’s up?” he asked, flopping down on the grass beside her. He lay back on the gentle hill, sliding both hands behind his head as he stared up at the cloudless sky. “You said you had something to ask me?”

“Uh, yes. I did,” she replied. Now the moment was here, Riza didn’t think she could do it. The nerves in her stomach increased ten-fold now Roy was close and she was just about to chicken out, then he spoke.

“Does this have something to do with what we discussed… that day?” he asked, tactfully bringing up their argument.

Riza nodded. “Yes.” Her voice squeaked unintentionally. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to pry. If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to. I just thought we could help each other.”

“In what way?” he asked, a question mark on his face.

Riza took a deep breath, biting the bullet. “I know what it’s like not to grow up with your parents,” she whispered. Although her father was still alive, he’d be as well being dead, that’s how much he paid attention to and cared for Riza.

Silence ensued and Riza cringed.

“I’m sorry.” She begun to stand. “I didn’t want to upset you –”

“It’s okay,” he reassured her, his tone soft. He clasped her wrist gently, stopping her from leaving, yet still giving her the opportunity to go if she desired. “We can talk about it.”

“Are you sure?”

Roy nodded. “Yeah, of course,” he smiled. It wobbled uncertainly.

Tentatively, Riza sat back down in the silence, thinking how to start.

“My mother died when I was three,” she began, thinking that starting off with her own experience would be a good start, rather than pushing Roy to share his story. A show of trust. “It was due to complications of childbirth. It was quick, I was told, sudden.” _My father blames me for it_. “I never really knew her. I don’t even know what she looks like. Not really.”

“Aren’t there any pictures?” Roy asked, his concern and sympathy leaking through.

Riza shook her head. “None that I’ve ever seen.”

“That’s really sad,” he stated. Risking a glance at his face Riza almost blushed at the sympathy she saw there. Instead, she just shrugged to cover it up.

“It happened a long time ago and I never really knew her so I don’t feel like I can miss her. If that makes sense?”

“That’s… Riza, I’m sorry.” He took her hand in his, giving it a quick squeeze. She almost blushed again at the sudden affection.

Ever since they’d made up the pair had become closer. She continued to help him with his studies while jokes and laughter flowed more easily between them. Riza had forgotten how nice it was to laugh, and she would always remember that it was Roy who’d brought it back into her life. He was a true friend, someone Riza would never want to lose.

“It’s okay,” she stated, turning to face him. “Really. Thank you, though.”

“Of course. And if you ever want to talk about it, just let me know.”

“I will,” she smiled gratefully.

“My parents…”

After a brief silence, Riza made an attempt to reassure him. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.” She suddenly felt very foolish trying to bring up the topic of his parents. Just because she didn’t mind talking about, didn’t mean everyone did.

“It’s all right.” Roy took a deep breath before continuing. “Honestly, it’s fine. I… I want to. I want to tell someone. That would be nice.”

“Okay… If you’re sure. Take your time.”

And so Roy begun to tell the tale of his childhood before moving to live with his aunt in Central. It had been a happy one. He’d been well loved by both his parents. Riza felt a pang of jealousy, never truly getting to discover that feeling herself. Until Roy had entered her life, she’d never wondered what it would be like to be loved by both parents. Now, she did.

“Then…” Roy trailed off and he sniffed. Riza was alert, her head snapping around to face his. It was just out of view as he’d turned away from her. “They… They went out one night for dinner.” His voice was thick with emotion. His breath caught and when he spoke again it wavered. “They never came home.”

“Roy? Are you okay?” Riza asked, very concerned. Was he… crying? She’d never seen him cry before. That time in the rain… She hadn’t been able to tell if he’d been crying or not but this… This was so much worse. He was so open, the emotion clear in his tone and no doubt on his face.

She wasn’t sure she wanted to see it.

He rubbed his face with the back of his hand, still not turning to face her.

“Yeah,” he whispered. “I’m fine.”

No, he wasn’t.

Riza reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. He froze under her touch. That hand slid over his shoulders to the opposite side and she shuffled closer to him. Her body was pressed up against his side as she hugged Roy against her. Finally, Riza placed her head on his shoulder and held him as he cried silently.

They remained that way for a long time. Roy eventually stopped crying and Riza didn’t want to let go of him. Not yet. Not while he was suffering like this. She knew his plight and his pain, and she wouldn’t leave him to suffer it himself like she’d been left to do all those years.

Riza wouldn’t wish that fate on her worst enemy.

* * *

“I just wanted to say thank you for the other day. It was nice to talk about them again.”

Riza smiled, closing her book. She looked up to find him standing in the doorway, hands in his pockets, and shoulders hunched close to his ears.

“It was my pleasure. They sounded like great people.”

Roy beamed, unable to stop himself. “They were. I… I found something in you father’s study the other day,” he added, suddenly seeming very nervous. The tips of his ears turned pink. Was he _blushing_? “And I thought you might want it. It was hidden underneath a lot of books, so I don’t think he’ll miss it.”

“What is it?”

Roy handed her a folded-up piece of paper. “Take this as a thank you,” he stated. “For everything.”

Roy turned and left – rather quickly, Riza noticed – and she frowned. Glancing down at the paper she turned it, trying to figure out what it was. Prying it open Riza felt tears spring to her eyes.

It was a picture of her as a baby being held in her mother’s arms.


	33. miscarriage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Could you write something where Riza has a miscarriage and Roy takes it a lot harder than anyone thought he would and when Ed and Winry come with their kids to check up on them, Roy freaks out and has a meltdown and blames himself for it says people he love always die and Riza has to calm him down?" - Anon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a really hard one for me to write bc its something i've never looked into (or experienced) however it has happened in my family so i've drawn on that experience for this piece

" _We're expecting_ ," Roy had told everyone, beaming proudly with his arm around his wife. He'd been so excited about the news he literally couldn't contain himself and told everyone he could. Although there were reservations regarding this path they were now on, he heeded advice from Riza on this one. Of course, she was always right.

If Maes Hughes could return from the war and manage to find happiness, why couldn't they? It wasn't in their character to let themselves be happy, especially after everything they'd done. They didn't deserve a child, they both agreed on that, however what had happened had happened and now they had to live with it.

That little ray of hope and happiness stayed with them for about two months before it petered out to nothing but darkness.

Just like everything Roy had ever touched.

Riza had awoken in the night, gripping his bicep so hard that the bruises still remained two weeks later.

" _Wha –? Riza? What is it? What's wrong?_ " he'd asked, panicked.

" _I don't know,_ " she'd whispered before doubling over in pain. Roy threw back the sheet to discover a worryingly large pool of blood staining the white sheets. Their eyes met - horror meeting desperation - and Roy hopped out of bed, moving around it to throw Riza's arm over his shoulders as he helped her walk to their car.

She never once stopped clutching her stomach.

" _A miscarriage_ ," the doctor had said. Roy had barely registered it because that couldn't be true. No, Riza wouldn't have had a miscarriage. She couldn't have. Their child… " _We're almost finished,_ " the doctor explained. " _I'll be back when she’s ready to see you._ "

He'd waited for three hours.

Three hours in that waiting room, all alone, with only the word miscarriage floating around in his head. He’d felt completely numb. There was no word in any language to correctly articulate what he was feeling.

All Roy knew was Riza falling pregnant had been too good to be true all along. And, just like everything else Roy Mustang came into contact with, it turned to ash.

Just imagine Roy having to go around telling people that they were no longer expecting.

 _Miscarriage_.

The sympathy was unimaginable and there were constantly offers from their friends to visit as they passed on their condolences.

" _If there's anything we can do, just let us know_."

Rewind back the last twenty years so that Riza Hawkeye never met Roy Mustang, so she could live a happy life, and not the cursed one she'd be subjected to by his side.

There was no way he'd leave Riza to pass on the news. After all, he'd been unable to keep his big fat mouth shut and told everyone before the twelve-week mark.

He'd just been so excited.

He'd finally done something good and given Riza what she wanted but had denied herself for years because of her actions. Roy felt like he'd finally done something good in his life and this was how he'd been repaid.

" _Go home, Roy,_ " Riza had urged him from her hospital bed. She'd taken the news hard, but apparently not as hard as him.

 _Their child was gone_.

" _Roy, please,_ " she'd pleaded, grabbing his hand tightly to try and coax him out of his self-destructive thoughts. " _Go home and rest.”_

Apparently, he’d been staring off into space because when he came around and finally looked her in the eye for the first time since receiving the news, there was a nurse next to his wife, also looking extremely concerned.

 _“I'm fine_."

No, she wasn't. She'd just lost their child.

 _Miscarriage_.

Roy did go home, and it was one large blur. He'd sat on the armchair by the window - a chill emanating from it that coated him and coaxed gooseflesh onto his skin - and hadn't moved until the sun rose three hours later.

_Miscarriage._

Once the sun was up, he was back at the hospital. One look at Riza and he knew she could tell he'd been unable to sleep. Hell, Riza knew he hadn't even tried.

She knew him so well.

Two weeks had passed since then and the Elrics were on their way to Central to visit. Roy had passed on the news. It was nice to do it over the phone because he didn’t see the sympathetic look on anyone’s face. He’d had enough of that for one lifetime.

But when Edward and Winry showed up at the door with their two kids, _that_ had been too much for him.

“How are you doing?” Edward asked as Roy stood frozen in the doorway, eyes locked on the infant in Winry’s arms. That question was worse, especially from Ed. There was no sarcasm, no scathing remark or nickname, only real sympathy.

That was so much worse. It was so far from the familiar that it made this situation suddenly very, _very_ , real. The infant and young boy looking expectantly up at him only added fuel to that fire.

“Hey, Mustang?” Ed called but it surrounded oh so very far away. “You okay?” His vision tunnelled and greyed around the edges, his breathing picking up as he continued to stare at the baby who’d just yawned in her mother’s arms.

 _Miscarriage_.

_You ruin everything you touch._

“Roy?” Riza’s voice managed to break through and into his mind. Her arms were placed on his shoulders, meant as a comfort, however he shrugged them off violently.

No, she couldn’t touch him. If she did, he would hurt her again, just like he always did.

Everything Roy loved was hurt by his actions in the end. He couldn’t do it to Riza again. She deserved so much more. She deserved so much _better_ than _him_.

Blindly, Roy moved through the house, blocking out the concerned shouts from the front door. He stumbled, shoulders banging into walls hard enough to leave a bruise. His hand hit a door handle in passing and pain flared at his wrist, but Roy didn’t feel it. All he knew was this crushing weight on his chest and the darkness of his vision.

He fell to the floor, slumping down the wall in his dark study. The door closed softly behind him, leaving him in the pitch black.

It reminded Roy of his brief time being blind. Every day he’d open his eyes and panic because he couldn’t see anything, then reality would set in. His eyesight had been unjustly taken from him however the only thing he’d been able to think about was how he’d never see Riza Hawkeye again. She was the first person he’d seen when his vision returned and he vowed to himself that after the Promised Day, he would do everything in his power to make her happy.

That included giving her a child.

He’d failed at that too.

So, in that dark room, his panic doubled as his chest felt like it was tearing in two because they’d lost their child. He’d only known about it for two months and he would have died for that child. Granted, it was still only a foetus, but to know that they’d finally begun to create something _good_ , only to have it ripped away…

That panic and crushing despair was what he deserved.

When arms encircled Roy, he begun to protest.

“Leave me alone,” he’d whispered brokenly to the darkness.

“No,” Riza replied.

That caused him to struggle even further because she couldn’t be near him. He’d only hurt her again.

“Roy, please, stay still.” Her own voice was thick with emotion as her hold remained. “Please, I… I need to hold you,” she replied desperately.

“Why?” he whispered, and he felt Riza pause. “I only hurt you.”

“This _wasn’t_ your fault,” she replied, adamant. Roy scoffed. “These things happen –”

“Yes, but they always happen to _you_ , and it’s only when I’m involved.”

Riza hushed him. “If I agreed with that, I’d have left you a long time ago. There’s a reason I stayed.”

“What is it then?” he asked, tone bitter. He was truly curious because since the news of their loss he was still trying to figure it out. He hadn’t touched her, hadn’t been near her, and Roy knew Riza was hurt by it. He’d overheard her on the phone to Catalina, worrying that she was no longer desirable to him since she’d miscarried. He’d broken down then. But he’d done it alone.

She had it all wrong. It was _he_ who felt unworthy of _her_.

“Your compassion and your drive to right the wrongs of this world,” she began, brushing a hand through his hair. She’d brought his now unresisting head to lay against her chest as she cradled him to try and calm him down. “Your ability to see the bigger picture and determination to do right by those _you_ have wronged. You don’t shy away from your sins, like me, you embrace it and try every day to try and absolve yourself of them.” Riza shifted on the floor to try and become more comfortable. “I could list more but we’d be here all day,” she added, a small smile appearing on her face.

“This is a setback,” she whispered, placing a kiss on the top of his head. “I’m just as hurt and disappointed as you, but this isn’t the end. We’ll try again. The doctor ran some tests this afternoon and the results will be in soon. Then we can see our options.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were going?” Roy asked, head shooting up.

“You were working,” she reasons, although her answer came a little too quick, her expression schooled a little to quickly. There was more than she was letting on. It was probably because she didn’t trust him there with her. Roy wouldn’t blame her after his behaviour the last two weeks.

“We’ll be fine,” she whispered, bringing his head back down to her chest. Roy wrapped both arms around her middle, feeling more secure in both himself and their future as husband and wife. “We’ll work through this. Together.”

Roy hoped so, because he didn’t know what he would do if he failed her again.


	34. through despair and hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If you’re going to kill me, kill me,” she hissed, glaring up at the person pinning her to the ground. “Riza?” a voice asked incredulously. She froze in place, the sound of the voice calling her back to a time in her past. It tugged at a memory in her mind, almost recognising it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, this idea came to me while listening to the lion king soundtrack (i see you “can you feel the love tonight”) and i thought person a thinking person b is dead?? for years?? only to find out they’re still alive?? hell yeah
> 
> so welcome to my royai (loosely based on) lion king au

Five years ago, Riza Hawkeye lost her best friend to the men she was stalking right now. Crouched low on the dirt track, she hid behind a tree, waiting to see which way they would turn next. Riza scowled as their laughter reached her. How can they act so carefree and happy when they’ve hurt so many people?

The estate was quiet tonight. The patrols were the same frequency, but their gaits were slower and more relaxed. It was like they knew they were untouchable. They often captured and sometimes killed anyone they found out wandering at night, so Riza wasn’t surprised they were feeling quite lax. Anyone living on the estate knew to keep their head down and stay out of the officer’s way to avoid trouble.

Anger burned in her chest at the thought of King Bradley. He’d started all of this. He’d taken away everyone important in Riza’s life, stripped them from her easily with no remorse. First, her mother in an “accident”. She was ill, Bradley had said, voice devastated as he emerged from her bedroom. So very ill. There was nothing he could do. Then, her father. Another accident. They’d been out riding together with her father’s apprentice and he’d been thrown from his horse. Her best friend didn’t return that night either. Bradley had though, distraught and shouting for help, begging anyone and everyone who was available to send help to the gorge.

Her father’s body had been there, but Roy’s hadn’t.

“Riza?” Chris Mustang called to her urgently. She froze in her tracks, pivoting on the balls of her feet to turn and face the woman. Chris had been dubbed the leader of their little resistance and was the previous owner of the estate they were confined to.

Before King Bradley had swooped in and tactically taken out everyone who could oppose him, she’d run this place effortlessly with the help of her mother. Riza’s father had been employed as a chemical scientist after marrying her mother. He’d studied the chemical properties that went into the alcohol Chris produced, along with deciding what would work and what wouldn’t. Chris’ son had been employed as his apprentice shortly after taking an interest in his work.

Despite removing her mother, father, and Chris’ son from the equation, Riza was still unsure why Bradley kept Chris alive. However, as she grew older, it wasn’t hard to figure out why. Bradley had fawned over her, trying to get her to submit to him, but Chris Mustang was formidable and fought him on every front, never once succumbing to his twisted wishes.

Riza admired Chris and looked up to her so much. Her strength had gotten Riza through the toughest of times – when they were being starved because Bradley forbid the staff to deliver meals to them after Chris swatted away his advances, or during the cold winter nights in the crumbling house they were confined to, when Chris would tell them stories of how great her estate had been before Bradley had tainted it with his destructive army. She would describe how her garden would be so beautiful in summer, the blooms lighting up everyone’s lives. The vegetable garden would be swollen with food, able to provide fresh greens for every meal for every member of the staff.  Her business was so lucrative and successful that people from all around the country would come to the estate for tours of her brewery.

Now that had all turned ash, thanks to Bradley. His army had stripped it bare, taking what they wanted so that it withered and died without the proper care. As long as their bellies were full, they didn’t care.

“Where are you going?” Chris asked, voice hard, as if daring her to take another step.

“I can’t just sit around and accept this life anymore,” Riza replied, taking another glance at the men about a hundred metres from her. “I’m going to find help.”

“You will do no such thing, child,” she ordered. “I already lost a son to that man. I won’t lose a daughter too.”

Riza cringed. It was no secret Chris saw her as one of her own. But she couldn’t submit and accept this anymore. She had to fight for those who couldn’t. She had to for Chris, who had taken her in and shielded her from Bradley’s sick advances instead of kicking her out now that she was an orphan.

“I’m sorry, but I won’t.”

“Did you hear that old man squeal yesterday?” one of the men suddenly stated loudly, followed by echoing laughter. Riza froze, head craning around to look at them. There was only one old man on the estate. Her stomach dropped. So that’s where he’d gotten the bruise on his wrists from. Her grandfather had neglected to reveal to them where they’d come from.

“Yeah,” another piped up. “Wouldn’t stop fucking yelling about how we better not touch the girl.”

“These fuckin’ people man,” another laughed like what was left of Riza’s family’s situation was the funniest damn thing in the world. “Ought to have killed them all years ago. But the boss has a soft spot for that old hag and the kid.”

Riza bristled, then jumped when she found Chris was right next to her.

“Go,” Chris urged her, gaze hard as she stared straight ahead. “If it comes to it, give them hell.”

She nodded and slipped into what remained of the wheat fields. Like everything else, thanks to Bradley’s men, they were barren and dead. Picking up speed, Riza broke out into a sprint and ran as fast as her legs would carry her, away from the estate for the first time in five years.

* * *

She’d rode for four days before she came across a small town. Her hopes were dashed as she walked through it, guiding her horse, only to find it abandoned. A disturbance to her right had caught her attention. When she saw the blues of Bradley’s army, she mounted and took off north, pushing her horse as she was pursued by the men who had helped kill her family.

Now, on day five, she’d found herself in the northern forests, where occasional patches of the ground were dusted in snow. The precipitation that managed to make it through the thick canopy above her was disturbed as the horse walked through, tired after another day of riding. Vowing to stop soon, Riza stroked her horse’s neck and promised they’d rest in a while.

She froze when there was a quiet rustle to her right. Above her. Remaining still, she flicked her eyes upwards and into the trees, but it was too dark to see anything. A figure dropped as if from nowhere, a foot aimed for her head. Jerking the reigns, Riza directed the horse away, leaning to the side as an arrow flew past her left.

Riza flipped backwards off her horse and landed effortlessly in a crouch, springing up to launch a counterattack on the person who had just tried to kill her. If they were part of Bradley’s forces, then she would have no issue with cutting them down.

They parried her strike and she sidestepped right. Dropping low again, she swept her leg underneath their feet, but they dodged, jumping back a few feet. Charging forward, Riza flicked her knife so it ran down the length of her forearm and angled it for the person’s throat. Again, they dodged and ducked underneath her arm, landing a punch to her kidneys. Riza grunted but didn’t let it stop her. There was five years-worth of anger and hatred lying inside her. She wouldn’t let something like that beat her.

As the person thrust towards her throat, Riza grasped their arm and yanked it, pulling their body close to hers. The person grunted and stumbled, their weight a lot heavier than Riza would have expected. Before she could plant a secure base, she begun to fall backwards, hitting the ground painfully with her opponent’s body almost crushing hers. Her hood fell backwards, exposing her face to the night air and she snarled. Beginning to struggle underneath the knee on her chest, she noted the person was frozen in place, staring down at her. The night was too dark, the canopy covering too much of the sky to let the moonlight through, for Riza to see her opponent’s face. The hood covering their face shrouded the face in shadow.

“If you’re going to kill me, kill me,” she hissed, glaring up at the person pinning her to the ground.

“ _Riza_?” a voice asked incredulously.

She froze in place, the sound of the voice calling her back to a time in her past. It tugged at a memory in her mind, almost recognising it.

The person backed up, scrambling off her body and Riza instantly sat up, still on her guard. She didn’t know why the person who was trying to kill her knew her name. Riza didn’t particularly _want_ to know. She just wanted to get out of here –

A hand was placed on top of the person’s hood, swiping it back hurriedly. It revealed a face that Riza thought she’d never see again. Long, black locks covered the shocked face underneath the hood. Wide eyes with black irises stared at her, a mouth opening and closing helplessly as the two people stared at each other in disbelief.

“Roy?” Riza whispered, not daring to believe for a second this wasn’t a dream. This was too good to be true. This was a dream, she just needed to wake up.

Arms encircled her body as Roy surged forwards, hugging her tightly to her body. Instinctively, Riza’s arms returned the gesture, hugging him fiercely.

“Oh my god,” he whispered in disbelief, a shocked laugh escaping him. A hand was placed on the back of her head, cradling it against his body. Riza felt her eyes fill with tears. She couldn’t believe it… He was alive…

“I thought you were dead,” she admitted, her emotions overtaking her body, causing to shake uncontrollably.

“I thought you were too,” he whispered, readjusting his grip on her to hold her tighter. “I can’t believe it.”

Riza pulled back, unable to resist cradling his face in her hands. She brushed the hair out of his face. It was so much longer than before. It now fell over his forehead, brushing past his eyebrows and catching his eyelashes. He looked older now than he had been before. He’d lost some weight, his cheekbones becoming more pronounced. Gone were the “chubby cheeks” she used to tease him as a child.

“You’re here,” she whispered, face scrunching up slightly as more tears threatened to fall.

Roy nodded, tears filling his own eyes. “I’m here,” he confirmed.

They found each other’s embrace again. Roy stroked her short hair – she’d cut it shortly after her family had died – running his hands through her short locks.

“I like this look,” he murmured into her hair. “You suit short hair.”

Riza let out a choked laugh, sniffing and pulling away to look up at him. She wiped her cheeks free of tears and took him in once more.

“What happened?” she asked quietly. “We all thought you _died_.”

“I… I got out. Bradley tried to kill me, but I escaped.” His gaze turned away from her, avoiding it. Riza pulled away to get a better look at him, and Roy’s arms loosened, letting her go free.

“What happened that day?” Riza asked quietly. It was something she’d wondered about for the past five years. “And why didn’t you come back?”

Roy flinched at her question.

“Why not take back what’s rightfully yours from the man who stole it from you?”

“I thought you were all dead,” Roy whispered. “I couldn’t return to a place like that. Not with everyone gone.”

“Come back with me, then,” she pleaded. “We can do it together. Roy, your mother is still alive.” His gaze snapped up to hers. “So is my grandfather. Every day is a fight, but we’re surviving. We’re holding on in the hopes that you’d survived. Plus,” she smiled fondly. “Your mother is not one to give up without a fight.”

“She’s alive?” he whispered in disbelief.

Riza nodded. “Yes. She is. But… Look,” she began. “Bradley has taken over her estate. He’s destroying not only everything she built there – that _we all_ built – but also the land. He’s killing it, taking and taking and _taking_ with no regard for anyone living in it. The place is on lockdown and it has been since they day he took over. People are being _killed_ Roy. It’s only a matter of time before we are too.”

Riza had made peace with that thought only recently, but finding Roy again, _alive_ , rekindled hope inside her and shoved that thought out of her mind.

“How did you get out then, if people are being killed?” he asked suddenly, as if doubting her words. That stung a little.

“I snuck out to come and find help,” she told him. “I want to help you mother and free her and my grandfather from Bradley’s influence. We _need_ to stop him.”

“I can’t.”

“What?” she asked incredulously. That answer was unexpected.

“I can’t go back,” he stated.

“Why not?” she cried. This was ridiculous, of course he could go back. His mother will be thrilled to know he was alive. “You won’t help me? Won’t help us? Why not?”

“Because I _can’t go back there_!” he barked, nostrils flaring as he glared at her for pushing him further than he wanted to go.

“Is everything okay, Roy?” a female voice asked, appearing on his right. She placed a hand on his shoulder, eyeing Riza suspiciously.

Her gaze flicked to the woman and back to Roy, suddenly realising what was going on. That’s why he wouldn’t leave, wouldn’t come back, even though his mother’s life depended on it? Even though her life depended on it?

He’d made a life out here and didn’t want to leave it behind.

Riza swallowed, suddenly feeling very foolish after her affections, but a spike of anger overrode that.

“Everything is fine, Becca,” he reassured her, turning to face her, giving the woman a small smile.

 _Ouch_.

“You know,” Riza stated, voice sombre as she took a step back, putting distance between them. Roy watched her, his brow furrowing. “I used to know a boy who would do anything for his family and for those he cared about.” Her eyes met his, challenging him. “Who would stick up for those who couldn’t do it themselves. It turns out that’s no longer the case.”

“Riza?” Roy asked, tone confused.

“Goodbye, Roy,” she bid him, tone sour as she narrowed her eyes at the man she’d once loved. It appears the five years had changed his priorities, and his mother and friends no longer mattered to him. “I will tell your mother you’re alive and well,” she added bitterly.

“Riza, wait,” he grabbed her wrist and Riza jerked it free angrily, turning in place to meet his furrowed brow with eyes beginning to fill with unshed tears. “I didn’t mean to snap. I do care, I _really_ do, but –”

“Not enough to come back to your home?”

“That’s unfair,” he replied in frustration.

“No, Roy,” she rounded on him. “What’s unfair was being forced to think my best friend was dead for five years. What’s _unfair_ was having to watch your mother grieve for you, when all this time you’ve been alive.” He flinched at that one. “What’s _unfair_ ,” she growled, lifting a finger to point it at his chest. She had approached him slowly while she made her points, and now she was right in front of him. “Was having to live in fear that I might die, _every day_ because of King Bradley, and not being able to do anything about it because we don’t have enough manpower.”

“Riza –” Roy choked out. His voice was thick with emotion.

“It was unfair for me to have to live in the shadow of the man who killed both my parents, and who I thought killed you too.” Her body had begun to shake uncontrollably, tears streaming down her face. She didn’t wipe them away. She didn’t try to hide them. Riza left them on show for Roy to see, because then he might truly understand just how awful these past few years had been for her. “If you won’t help me, help your _mother_ , then I have nothing more to say to you.”

The woman behind Roy looked between them both, eyes narrowed, but Riza didn’t stay any longer to try and figure out what was happening. She didn’t care anymore. She felt too betrayed. Her chest heaved as she tried to breathe through her tears, finally letting loose everything she’d pent up over the past five years so she didn’t show Bradley any weakness.

Riza ignored Roy calling her name behind her. He’d made her choice, so Riza had nothing more to say to them. He “couldn’t” go back. Whether that was because he had a new life out here, Riza didn’t know. It might be because he simply didn’t care anymore. Riza would _never_ have thought he was that kind of person, but apparently, she’d been wrong. Five years can change a person. Apparently, it can change them _a lot_.

Her horse had moseyed off into the trees while she’d fought and Riza mounted it in one swift motion, kicking it into a gallop. She didn’t want to turn around and see him again. She didn’t want to hear him calling her name.

Not after the things he’d said.

Riza sped off into the northern forests, her tears drying in the wind and her decisions solidifying like Roy’s had over the years.

It was time to move on and find some real help. Someone willing to help what was left of her family.

* * *

Riza tried to jerk herself free of the hold on her pinned arms, but it did nothing but jar her shoulder joints painfully. She winced and tried to keep up with the quick march Bradley’s men were moving with, but it was difficult with her hands bound and pinned painfully behind her back.

“Move it,” the man hissed in her ear, shoving her forward. Of course, this made her stumble again and she turned her head to glare at him. It was a mistake because his arm reared back and he punched her in the face, making Riza see stars. She stumbled a third time, the man not pausing in his march while Riza tried to get her bearings back. Her cheek was in agony, the pain radiating right through her head.

“What is this?” she heard Chris demand from somewhere in front of her. Her head was still spinning so Riza could only see different coloured shapes in front of her.

“One of you managed to escape,” the man holding her growled. He shoved Riza forward, letting go. She stumbled again, her head still fuzzy, and fell to her knees on the ground. Her arms were still pinned behind her, so with no way to catch herself, and no depth perception, Riza’s face hit the ground painfully.

“Riza!” Chris shouted. There was the sound of footsteps then gentle hands eased her up, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “Are you all right?” Her usually gruff voice was surprisingly gentle. Riza blinked a few times, still trying to clear her vision. It swam before eventually settling on Chris’ worried face. Riza nodded, relaxing in Chris’ arms for the first time in the last twelve hours.

She’d been found about half a day after leaving _him_ , Bradley’s forces too large for her to overcome. Riza had surrendered in exchange for her life, but she knew her punishment would be severe upon returning to Bradley.

The others who’d escaped – or tried to – and were caught, had never been seen again.

“What did they do to you?” Chris asked, voice accusing as she turned her gaze towards Bradley’s men.

“Brought her home,” the one who’d been escorting her replied, offering nothing more. “Bradley will see to her within the hour.”

“You tell him to stay the fuck _away_ ,” Chris snarled. Riza noticed the grip around her shoulders tightened.

The man shook his head while the others snickered amongst themselves. Riza was about to surge upwards and kill every last one of them for mocking Chris, but she was restrained gently, a hand squeezing her shoulder as a warning. “That won’t happen. Get her cleaned up.”

Chris scoffed at the men, then turned her uncharacteristically worried gaze back down to Riza. She helped Riza to her feet, steadying her as she swayed. Her hands were quickly released from their restraints and Riza sighed in relief then hissed in pain as she moved her arms. Blood rushed through the limbs, the sensation painful after being rendered immobile and at an awkward angle for so long.

“Come on,” Chris beckoned, keeping her arms around Riza as she guided her back inside the house. They swept passed the guards at the front door angrily, Chris ushering her upstairs and into Riza’s bedroom. Chris pressed Riza onto her bed before turning back to go and lock the door.

“What happened?” Chris asked as soon as she took a seat by Riza’s bedside. She angled Riza’s head upwards so her sore cheek could face the light. It continued to throb and every time she blinked it was painful. Chris tutted at the sight of it.

“They punched me in the face when we got back,” Riza muttered, spitting the blood in her mouth out into the empty teacup Chris offered her. “And before, after they found me.”

“Where?” Chris asked. Her voice was clipped, but it wasn’t directed at Riza.

She turned in place, wincing as she lifted her arms. Slowly, Riza painfully lifted the back of her shirt to show where she’d been beaten before by Bradley’s men. Chris huffed as she saw the bruises that had probably already formed on her back and abdomen.

“Stay here. I’ll get some ice.” Without another word, she was gone from the room. Riza lowered her shirt and lay down on her bed, whimpering when even the soft mattress made her injuries flare up in pain. Once somewhat comfortable, Riza closed her eyes, a tear escaping from her eye.

She felt hopeless.

Riza had left to find help, and found something wonderful instead, only for it to crumble into ash in front of her. A part of her didn’t want to tell Chris what she’d found but knew that it was the opposite of what she would want. Plus, she deserved to know her son was alive.

Watching the normally hard and stoic Chris grieve for her son had been harrowing. She had a right to know he was alive… But Riza knew she wouldn’t like what he’d become. Her chest still hurt when she thought about it.

Chris slipped back through the door with an extremely worried looking Walter behind her. As her grandfather rushed to her side, Chris locked the door behind them, approaching with two bags of ice.

“Riza? Are you all right?” Walter asked worriedly.

“I’m fine,” she replied. “Honestly. They just got a few lucky punches in.”

“What were you _thinking_? Going out there without help?” he cried.

“Walter,” Chris warned him. “Keep your voice down.”

“I went to get help.”

Chris placed a bag of ice on Riza’s face, who hissed at the shock of the cold. “And did you find it?” Chris asked before Walter could reply.

Riza froze. Now the moment was here, there was a lump in her throat. She couldn’t get the words out. She couldn’t tell them what she’d saw. If she did, it would make it real.

“I –”

The door to her bedroom was kicked open. Bradley strode inside, face like thunder, with two men behind him.

“You tried to _escape_?” he seethed.

“I _did_ escape,” Riza bit back defiantly, despite her stomach tightening and dread consuming her whole entire being.

This was it.

But she sure as shit wasn’t going down without a fight. For too long this bastard had been terrorising her. She always let Bradley know how she really felt about him and that wasn’t about to stop now.

“Your men were slacking, and I managed to break free.” Riza challenged him with her stare, watching as his face turned red in anger.

“Restrain her,” he stated, his voice deathly calm.

Although she knew it was coming, her body still tensed and fought against the men grabbing her limbs. They roughly pulled her up off the bed, hurting her still recovering arms further. She hissed in pain and glared at the men, trying to wrench herself free even though it hurt like hell.

Walter protested loudly from beside her, reaching to grab at one of the men. Riza begged him to stop, but of course, the man wasn’t going to let his only granddaughter be walked out the room to her death. Riza was glad he was still with her. He’d been overprotective and almost smothering over the years, but Riza had put up with it without complaint because she knew he meant well. She knew how awful it was to lose family members. They were all each other had left.

Chris argued loudly with Bradley, who did nothing but meet Riza’s unflinching glare, which she shot his way once she knew Walter was safe and unharmed. But Chris’ shouts fell on deaf ears and Riza was escorted from the room with Bradley close behind her.

“Take her to the centre of the courtyard,” he barked as they exited the main doors to the estate house. “Time to make an example of you, Miss Hawkeye,” he growled in her ear.

“Fuck you,” she spat.

Bradley snarled and brushed past his men, causing Riza to stumble in their grasp. One arm was free, and she took the opportunity to tear the other free too. Unsheathing a knife, she rushed at Bradley’s back, arm poised to stab it.

For the tiniest second, hope swelled in her chest. Adrenaline pumped through her veins, spurring her on. There was a flash in her mind – a possibility of what their life could be like if she succeeded in taking Bradley down right now.

She’d thought it through before, many times. Especially when she was younger, during the first year of Bradley’s siege. At night she would dream of times gone by, thinking about the lovely vegetable gardens that were always ripe with food, the wheat fields that swayed in the breeze where she’d played hide and seek with Roy, and the faint smell of alcohol that would fill the estate grounds as Chris’ business became more lucrative.

Most of that became a possibility again as her blade closed the distance towards Bradley’s back.

Only to turn into grey ash as he whipped around, grabbing her throat and clamping down hard. Riza’s hand flailed in shock. The knife clattered to the stone loudly, piercing the silent scene.

“Bradley!” Chris barked angrily. “Stop this!”

“Get your hands off of her!” Walter shouted.

The pressure increased and Riza tried to gasp for more air.

“ _Stop_!” someone shouted, their voice carrying over the courtyard.

Riza felt herself being moved. Her throat was still being crushed by Bradley’s hand so her feet couldn’t get purchase on the ground. All her brainpower was focussed on trying to breathe, not trying to stand. Riza slipped and the pressure on her neck increased.

Something whizzed past her head and suddenly the pressure was gone.

Choking and heaving for breath, Riza collapsed onto the ground. Her hacking coughs were drowned out by Bradley’s men’s shouts.

“Riza!” Walter shouted. There were footsteps approaching her hurriedly. Riza threw her hand out to stop him, her battered throat unable to get any words out. Her eyes were wide and pleading with her grandfather to stay back when she saw one of Bradley’s men step in to intercept him. In a swift movement, Walter whipped a hidden blade out from underneath his jacket and begun to fight back, the element of surprise allowing him to best the man quickly. Then another came. And another. Riza watched in awe as her grandfather easily bested Bradley’s army, one man after the other.

Sitting up, Riza held her throat as she frantically searched the area. Walter was accounted for, but where was Chris?

“Are you okay?” someone asked from behind her. Riza jumped in fright, spinning around. Her abdomen and backed protested as the injured muscles moved, but that was completely forgotten about when she saw Roy behind her. His eyes were concerned, his expression one of worry. He didn’t shy away from her gaze. Roy met it head on, awaiting her answer, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“You came back?” she whispered.

Roy nodded, a soft smile gracing his face. “Of course.” The hand on her shoulder gave it a quick squeeze. “Sorry if it seemed I wasn’t going to. I… I worked through some things and realised how stupid I was being. I’m sorry for hurting you,” he added, eyes earnest.

“It’s…”

“Mustang! Now is _not_ the time!” the woman from before shouted from behind him. She was currently fighting off one of Bradley’s men, her sword piercing through his abdomen brutally. With a grunt, she ripped it free and found her next victim. As Riza recovered from her shock, the sounds of fighting finally reached her.

There was a large group of people clad in black and brown leathers fighting against Bradley’s blue army. Riza noticed it was the same way Roy dressed. Had he… Had he brought these people to help them?

“I promise, I _will_ explain everything after this.” His tone was solemn and Riza found herself nodding. Taking his offered hand, Riza hopped to her feet and unsheathed a knife from her belt.

Jumping into the fray was easier than Riza thought it would. There was five years of unrestrained anger and pain raging inside of her and what better way to channel it than to take it out on the men who had terrorised her and her family, making them suffer for their own amusement. She cut down solider after soldier, making her way into the centre of the courtyard where Bradley was fighting off the men and woman Roy had arrived with.

“Stop this!” Bradley bellowed, causing everyone to slow to a stop. He stood facing Riza in the centre of the square. Roy was by her side, stance defensive and ready to launch into an attack. “ _What_ is that murderer doing here?” he snarled, gaze pointed at Roy.

“What?” Riza asked in confusion.

“You would let a murderer back in here, Miss Hawkeye?” Bradley hissed.

“You’re the murderer here, Bradley!” she shouted angrily at him. “You killed my parents!” Riza felt her anger spike when he genuinely looked taken aback by her accusation.

“What?” he asked, flabbergasted.

“You heard me! You killed my parents!”

“I did no such thing, my dear. The person who killed your parents is standing right beside you. You should be careful standing there. He might try to kill you too!”

“Wha –” Riza asked in exasperation, turning to see who was beside her, only to discover Roy’s extremely pale face. Dread coiled in her stomach. “Roy?”

“ _He_ killed your parents, Miss Hawkeye, not me. Tell them, Mr. Mustang!”

Roy said nothing. He just continued to stare at Bradley looking extremely fearful.

“That’s why you didn’t want to come back,” Riza whispered, realising the truth while that familiar feeling of hurt creeped into her chest.

“No…” he whispered.

“Don’t lie to her boy!” Bradley interrupted.

Roy flinched. “No, I came to help. I always wanted to –!”

“You wanted to come back so you could try and kill the daughter too, didn’t you? Didn’t you?!”

“No!” Roy shouted. “No, _nothing_ like that, I swear, Riza,” he replied, his eyes begging her to understand. “It was an accident,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to –”

“So, you admit to killing them?” Bradley demanded.

“It was an accident –” Roy stuttered.

“But you still did it! Accident or not, Miss Hawkeye’s parents are dead, and its by your hand. You killed her mother by making her overdose on her medicine. Then, you killed her father. You spooked his horse and it threw him, sending him to his death.” Bradley’s face turned into a sneer. “Then, you ran away, afraid of being caught after you completed your task!”

“ **NO!** ”

“Get him!” Bradley commanded his men, and they swarmed Roy.

Riza was frozen in front of them, watching as Roy desperately fought them off. She was stuck in the same place, one single thought rushing through her head.

_Roy killed your parents._

There were too many for Roy. He managed to keep back a few but was quickly overcome. The men restrained him roughly, stretching his arms to the side and keeping him in place while they forced him to his knees, the joints hitting the ground painfully. Those who had arrived with Roy fought to get to him, but Bradley’s men formed a barrier around Riza, Roy, and Bradley.

Walter was calling to her, pleading for her to get away from them. Chris was silent, watching the whole exchange with a blank expression. Riza had kept and eye on her throughout the fight, but no one bothered her. She couldn’t fight and was unarmed, so no one from the opposition cast her a second glance.

Roy’s hair was pulled back roughly while another man put him in a headlock. Riza watched blankly as he was restrained completely. Roy’s eyes met hers, desperate and pleading, but she had nothing to give him.

_Roy killed your parents._

“Finally,” Bradley sneered, approaching Roy slowly, like a lion stalking its prey. “This madness can stop.” He walked past Riza without a thought, as if forgetting she was even there. Riza didn’t even feel present. She was watching this whole scene apart from her body, unable to move, think, or feel. “Time to end this madness.”

“Riza,” Roy wheezed, pleading with her to just _think_ about this. She felt like she had to stop Bradley… But she still couldn’t move.

“You managed to escape me that day, Mr. Mustang, but now, I have you. You will finally pay for your crimes. You murdered two innocent people.”

“I didn’t!” he cried as best he could, but it came out like a breath. The pressure on his windpipe was too great. The realisation tried to spur Riza into action, to do something to help him, but her body didn’t cooperate.

“Now, you’re a liar. You are guilty, Mr. Mustang. You killed them. I saw the evidence myself.”

The grip on Roy’s throat tightened and he whined in pain.

Something kicked in Riza’s mind.

Bradley gripped Roy’s hair, pulling is back roughly even further than it was. His throat was even more exposed now. Roy grunted.

Another kick in her mind. Her brain was stuttering, trying to start working again.

“Before you go,” Bradley added smugly. “I’ll let you in on a little secret. It’s only fitting you know the truth after all this time.” He leaned in close, but Roy’s eyes weren’t on Bradley.

They were on Riza.

“I killed the bitch’s parents,” Bradley whispered in Roy’s ear, but it sounded like he shouted it across the entire courtyard.

Time stopped around them in this circle. The fighting continued outside, men and women shouting to Roy, trying to break the barrier to get through to them, but to no avail. Riza felt a calm wash over her, but she couldn’t identify why. Her mouth moved by itself, independent of her brain as it uttered one single sentence.

“You killed my parents, Bradley?”

It seemed to echo across the courtyard. Riza didn’t know if she’d spoken it, whispered it, or screamed it. All she knew was that the fighting slowed outside of their bubble, Bradley’s own men looking in on the scene before them.

Riza’s fists clenched by her side as they begun to shake uncontrollably. Her whole body begun to follow suit. Before he’d spun around, Riza had two knives embedded in Bradley’s back. He gasped in pain, staggering to the side. Riza watched with a cold gaze as he stumbled before falling to his feet.

Movement from her right caught her eye. The man holding Roy in a headlock tightened his grip while another lifted a knife towards his throat. Roy’s eyes widened, finding hers instantly. He watched her with tear filled eyes, relief on his face, even as his body tensed in anticipation of the blow that would end his life.

His eyes had sought out hers so she was the last thing he would look at before he died.

Riza flicked her wrist and sent a throwing knife into the knife-wielder’s arm. He screamed in pain, dropping it. Another sliced through the chest of the man holding Roy in a headlock. Riza launched into an attack, ripping the other men off Roy and cutting her way through them all. The soldiers surrounding them looked at Bradley’s unmoving body on the ground, took one look at each other, then fled the courtyard. Riza tried to catch those she could, fuelled entirely by her anger and hatred from the last five years, but a few managed to escape. Roy’s men rounded up those who surrendered and the ones Riza captured.

The battle finally over, bowed at the waist, Riza placed her hands on her knees, bracing herself as she got her breath back.

Some time had passed since she’d killed Bradley. She had no idea how much though. When she looked up, she found Roy standing a few feet from her, just watching. Riza straightened and marched over, throwing her arms around her best friend’s neck.

Roy’s arms wrapped around her back, squeezing her tightly while he buried his face in the crook of her neck. Her bruises smarted on her back as Roy’s hands covered them, but she didn’t care. Not in this moment.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “For everything.”

Riza hushed him, holding him even tighter as her tears begun to fall.

It was over.

Bradley was dead. His army was disbanded and gone.

Roy was alive and he was back.

“I thought I killed them,” he admitted, chest heaving underneath hers. “It was an accident,” he stuttered, voice thick with emotion. “I didn’t mean it. I –”

“You didn’t kill them, Bradley did,” Riza reminded him.

“But I thought I _did_ ,” Roy stressed. “For five years I thought I’d murdered two people. I thought I’d killed _your_ parents.”

For five years he had to carry that with him.

Riza lifted a hand to his neck, curling her fingers around it, the tips of her fingers slipping into his hair. “It’s all right. You _didn’t_. Remember that.”

“Roy?” Chris asked in wonder. Riza regrettably pulled away from him, but she wouldn’t keep Chris from this moment. However, one of Roy’s arms remained circled around her back, gripping her waist tightly.

“Mother?” he choked out.

Riza eased out of his grasp with a gentle smile, ushering him forward. Mother and son came together and begun to cry, finally reunited after thinking the other was dead for half a decade.

* * *

Riza stirred as the door to her bedroom opened quietly. She turned her head in her drowsiness, facing towards the sound on instinct before sighing. The muscles in her neck smarted as she moved, but not enough to restrain the movement too much. It still hurt like hell to talk, a day on from the fight with Bradley.

Her eyes opened to see Roy standing by the closed door, his eyes watching her sadly.

She hadn’t seen him since yesterday.

“Roy,” she greeted with a sigh. She still couldn’t believe he was alive. “What’s wrong?” she asked suddenly, noticing his pained look.

“I…”

“Come here,” she urged, voice still scratchy. She eased herself up in her bed, wincing as the pillows put pressure on the bruises on her back. He perched on the chair by her bedside, exhaling as he did so. He met her gaze again and Riza could see how haunted he looked.

His brow furrowed. “Your face…” he murmured, placing a hand gently over her injured cheek. It was swollen from when one of Bradley’s men had punched her yesterday.

Riza leaned into his touch. “I’m all right.”

“It doesn’t look all right,” Roy stated.

“You can thank Bradley’s men for that.” Roy flinched, dropping his gaze, head bowing slightly, and Riza felt dread coil in her stomach. “That wasn’t – I didn’t mean to –”

“I thought you were all dead,” Roy whispered. “Bradley told me I’d killed all of you. I’d been working with chemicals that morning – a procedure I’d done hundreds of times before – but a messenger approached, telling us there had been a chemical gas leak and everyone in the house was dead.” Roy swallowed, obviously still pained. Riza gripped his hand fiercely, reminding him that she was right there. Her chest was pained when she remembered he’d had to live with this guilt for five years. “Your father, so lost in his grief, wasn’t watching where he was going and was thrown from his horse. Bradley told me it was my fault Berthold was dead. I’d caused it. He told me to run, far away, and never to come back. Not unless I wanted to be found out.

“The reason I ran –” he huffed a laugh, wiping tears away from his eyes. Riza squeezed his hand again, but said nothing, allowing Roy to let it all out. It was obviously much needed. “I was such a coward. The reason I ran was because I couldn’t face what I’d done to my family, to my mother, to _you_.” When he lifted his head, his eyes were shining with tears. “I thought I’d killed my mother and the woman I loved. I had already killed your parents. How could I return when you asked me to, after finding me?” he whispered.

Riza’s heart thudded in her chest.

“I exiled myself and was found by the people of the forest villages. Their society was tough, their way of life hard, but it was what I needed after what I thought I’d done. It took my mind off everything. It was completely numb already, so it wasn’t hard.”

That’s where his friends had come from. He’d rounded them all up to come and help fight Bradley.

 “Roy,” Riza whispered, crying with him. “I had no idea. Bradley told us my mother’s death was due to natural causes, that my father had died by accident. He lied, _he_ killed them, but he never told us it was you.”

His head bowed. “I’m sorry… for not returning. I was so scared,” he admitted in a whisper. “So, scared of what I would face when I returned. Afraid of your reaction when you found out the truth, even if it was an accident.”

He had witnessed his worst fear come to life when Bradley had revealed Roy’s “secret”.

Of course, Riza had no idea.

“I couldn’t come back. Not after that. I didn’t deserve to. Then I heard you’d been captured by our scouts and I had to. I might not deserve you, Riza, but I wouldn’t let you die.”

Riza cupped his jaw, lifting his gaze so he was looking at her again, and not looking down at the bedsheet with a bowed head.

“You are _not_ a murderer. You didn’t kill my parents. I don’t blame you for not coming back, especially after learning the truth. I understand that level of fear. But _please_ , don’t beat yourself up about this. You were a victim of Bradley too. We all were.”

She drew his face to hers, bringing their lips together. Roy sighed quietly against her, bringing a hand to her neck, locking her in place gently.

“I forgive you,” she whispered after they broke apart. “One hundred percent. And I don’t blame you for anything.”

Roy lifted his forehead from leaning against hers, pressing a kiss to it, his face scrunching up in emotion. “Thank you, Riza. You’re too good to me,” he chuckled lightly.

She brushed the tears from his face, giving him a quick kiss. She moved over in the bed, inviting him in. Roy lay on top of her sheet, snaking an arm underneath her neck so Riza could rest her head on his shoulders. Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, Roy whispered for her to get some more rest. He promised he would be right there when she woke up. He vowed he wasn’t going anywhere.

Since finding him alive again, that’s all she’d ever wanted, even when her brain told her to banish that thought, that he’d betrayed her.

She just wanted her best friend and the man she loved by her side once again.


	35. kidnapped? // spread your legs, be free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Can I have #1 and #73 for Royai from your prompt list? I know its a weird mash-up, but it would be so much fun to see what you come up with..." - yuripliscatsky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i saw this and an idea instantly popped into my head sdkjfdjks so thank you for that! i also didn’t expect to get any asks after rbing that list so also, thanks!
> 
> i went kinda crack with it and i hope it comes across well also i changed the last part of the prompt just slightly to make it fit the situation bc it was difficult to try and fit it in :’)
> 
> thank you for this one! i had a lot of fun with it uwu

Roy groaned as his head rolled painfully only to strike something incredibly hard. His eyes opened groggily to find himself staring at a concrete wall. His training kicked in and he stilled, trying to take in as much of his surroundings as possible without giving away the fact he was awake.

His hands were bound behind his back by a thick rope. His hands were covered by a familiar cloth, so he noticed he still had his gloves on. He smirked to himself. _Idiots._

The next thing he took stock of was he was on his left side and his head had collided with the wall in front of him. His fingers twitched so see if there was anything behind him, but he could only feel air. The same went for his feet.

Taking a moment to listen, he discerned no walking or voices nearby. There was the sound of breathing coming from behind him though, so he continued to pretend until he could tell who it was.

Roy couldn't tell how long he waited, but eventually the breathing changed and someone groaned.

A woman, more noticeably. It appeared they'd suffered the same fate he had.

"Ah," the woman muttered in pain and Roy's stomach dropped when he recognised the voice.

"Lieutenant?" he asked quietly, and the breathing stopped all together. "It's Mustang. You're behind me."

There was no reply as she no doubt ran her own assessment, similar to his. Finally satisfied, she spoke.

"Sir? What's happening?"

"I don't know, but I assume we've been kidnapped."

" _Kidnapped_? Are you for real?"

"What?" he spluttered. Why would he lie?

"Kidnapped by who?"

"I don't know. I only woke up a short while ago."

Hawkeye huffed to herself and Roy heard her move. Deciding himself that it was safe, he too sat up -

Only for his head to collide with the ceiling.

"Mother _fu_ -!"

Hawkeye shushed him violently. "Quiet!"

"Quiet?" he exclaimed as his body rocked as a reaction to the sudden pain. "That hurt like a _bitch._ I can't be quiet right now!"

"So help me god, if you don't shut your hole I will kick you," she hissed, her face suddenly very close to his. Her breath caressed his face and Roy shivered at the thought of the two of them being pressed together in this cell -

_Not the time, Roy!_

He did as he was told and groaned quietly to himself, trying to limit the amount he was rocking back and forth as the sharp pain turned to a dull ache.

"Okay, we're good," Hawkeye announced quietly.

Roy gasped loudly, eyes popping open. "Oh my god, my head!"

"Okay, where are we?" Hawkeye asked, ignoring him and looking around the _very_ tight space. Roy shifted so he could get more comfortable and he bumped into her, knocking the Lieutenant off balance and she fell back and bumped her head against the wall.

"Really?" she exclaimed in irritation, her expression pained.

"Sorry! There's not a lot of room in here in case you hadn't noticed," Roy grumbled. "I'm trying to get comfortable. I've got a bony ass."

"Well you're a pain in my ass and no amount of trying is going to get rid of _you_ , so shut up and _deal with it_.” Roy frowned at her. She was irritable today. "Let's just figure this out, please, before anything else goes wrong."

They spent about half an hour strategizing. Roy had easily burned the rope of their wrists and ankles, so they now sat cross legged facing each other, shoulder hunched and head at an odd angle to avoid hitting it against the ceiling.

There was no window to speak of in the room, just a door that ran the height of the room. The walls were concrete all around, the same with the ceiling and the floor. Roy was sure if the room was upside down, he wouldn’t be able to tell which way was the correct way up.

"Through there?" Roy asked, pointing at a vent behind Riza. It would be tight - _very_ tight - but he was sure they'd be able to make it.

"Can you melt the metal so we can get through?"

She rolled her eyes at his cocky grin and just shuffled out of the way. “Can I melt the metal?” he muttered to himself, scoffing, as he moved towards it.

Two minutes later, they were through.

"Ladies first," Hawkeye gestured, motioning for him to enter first. Roy huffed.

"Age before beauty," he muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"That's what I thought."

"Hey, can you give me a nudge?" Roy asked. His shoulders were almost through, but he'd need a little push to get him all the way. The metal was already beginning to dig uncomfortably into his skin.

What he didn't expect was Riza to forcefully shove him through the gap. By literally kicking his ass.

"A nudge! A nudge, not a karate kick!"

"Get _moving_ , Mustang."

“I can’t, I’m still stuck.”

“Come out then,” she sighed. “I’ll go first.”

Roy did as he was told, but an idea occurred to him and before the Lieutenant could move, he tried once more going feet first. He made it in no problem, which he was grateful for. Not that Roy thought she would, but he didn’t need Hawkeye to shove him in by his head. She followed suit and the pair were shimmying through the ventilation system. They passed by gratings and vents but saw no one. When they approached a rather promising looking door – one that screamed “exit” at them – they paused. Roy craned his neck to look at Hawkeye, who nodded. The space was tight, but they could make it. Roy shuffled to allow her to go first, as she requested. Just as Hawkeye was about to open the grate, she froze as she and Roy both begun to hear footsteps and muffled voices.

Roy’s head snapped up to hers, eyes wide as he realised that in this position, Hawkeye could be seen. He glanced down and his stomach dropped when he realised there wasn’t enough room in the rest of the vent by his feet for him to shuffle down. Moving back the way they’d come would make too much noise. The metal they were lying on now was solid, whereas the stuff they’d moved over before felt flimsy and every movement felt like a gunshot. A rushed escape back up there would give their position away.

“Shit,” Roy stated, panicking.

“Move,” Hawkeye commanded.

“What?!”

“ _Move_.”

Her legs were suddenly down by his sides, and wrapped around his torso, crushing his arms against his chest. There was a strong leg by his ear and in any other circumstance Roy would be _loving_ this, however the mixture of fear and desire inside him made a very confusing cocktail of emotion.

The Lieutenant’s legs had a grip on him so tight he squeaked.

"Lieutenant," he choked out as her thighs begun to crush him. Roy supposed he deserved this. No, he knew he did.

The grip on him tightened.

Little did Roy know it was to try and make herself less conspicuous and was not some kind of punishment for him.

"Shh, they’re coming."

"Jesus Christ, woman," he exclaimed, pained. "You could crush a watermelon with those legs." Again, they tightened on him.

"Don't tempt me," the Lieutenant muttered. He could hear the edge in her voice.

"Riza -"

"Shut up," she hissed as they heard footsteps approaching. As Roy lay there, partially mortified, partially turned on, he thought about how his life had reached this point; lying in an air vent trying to escape from being kidnapped with the thighs of his Lieutenant gripping his upper arms and crushing him so they could both fit in the space.

Lucky was one word he'd use. The other… Well, Riza had a very good grip on him.

The men had passed, and Hawkeye still hadn’t let go.

“Lieutenant, you can let go now,” he whispered, pained.

She didn’t.

“Lieutenant. Lieutenant –”

“Shh.”

“Please open your legs.”

“ _Excuse_ me?”

“Hawkeye, please,” he gasped in pain.

“What –”

“You know what I mean! Open them. Move them. Spread your legs," he begged, not ashamed to do so anymore. "Be free!" he urged, pushing the vent open with all his might and the best he could in the situation.

"Do you really think you're in any kind of situation to be making comments like that?"

" _Riza_!"

The pressure on him loosened suddenly and he gasped in relief and pain.

"Oh, thank god," he babbled.

"Shut up," Riza barked quietly. "Stop being such a baby."

"My whole life flashed before my eyes." Riza snorted. "I'll admit that would’ve been a beautiful way to go." The Lieutenant exited the vent and didn't appreciate his joke and if looks could kill Roy would’ve drop down dead in that instant.

"I will wrap you up in these legs again if you continue to act like an idiot."

"Noted."

He shimmied out of the tight gap and dropped down into a white hallway. Taking stock, he noticed it was empty and there was a corner not ten pages away from them.

"I thought you would've been very used to getting yourself out of tight spaces like that, sir," the Lieutenant murmured as she continued to walk ahead, completely nonplussed by her comment. "I'm surprised you weren't able to smooth talk or slide your way out of my grip in there. It appears the rumours as false," she shrugged.

Riza rounded the corner, leaving Roy standing with his mouth hanging open in the hallway.

"Wait, what rumours?"


	36. riza dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I am obsessed with your writing and drop everything when you release new content! ✨✨✨ If you don't mind, I want more Royai angst in my life. I don't think I have seen you do this. One where Riza is tired of waiting for Roy and decides to marry/seriously date someone else. Basically how Roy deals with this. Can be whatever you want, obviously. ☺️" - Anon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yooooo ok so this is one i've wanted to post for AGES but completely forgot so rip me and also congrats to me for finally getting it out there
> 
> i love this idea and tbh its one of my faves of my recent oneshots

“What?” Roy asked, disbelief colouring his tone. Dread and fear rushed through his body, but he was too much shock to let it show on his face.

“I’ve got a boyfriend,” she smiled. He knew she was trying to hide just how happy she was, Roy could see it all over her face. He’d known her for long enough to be able to tell. Plus, the excitement was clear in her tone.

 Catalina looked as shocked as he felt but recovered quickly. She congratulated her friend happily, and the others joined her. Roy had yet to move from his frozen position in the chair and he knew Riza had noticed. He remained in place, still, saying nothing, and just staring at his old friend.

A whirlwind of emotions flew through is mind. Not one stood out, leaving him feeling numb and shocked. All he knew was Riza Hawkeye was dating someone.

And it wasn’t him.

A sharp elbow to his side jolted him back to the present. Havoc shot him a pointed look.

“That’s great, Riza,” he offered with a smile. They all knew it wasn’t genuine, but Riza didn’t seem to notice. She was too lost in her happiness to notice him now.

And rightly so, she should be happy. God knows she’d had a tough childhood. Her life hadn’t exactly been a forgiving one, yet she had persevered and pulled through stronger than ever.

Roy had always planned that her happiness in her later years would be because of him. Throughout their lives he had only brought her sorrow and pain. He truly didn’t deserve her, however, there was always a sliver of hope residing within him that something may happen.

Now it had crumbled to dust.

“Riza, I had no idea. When… When did this happen?” Catalina demanded, looking slightly hurt.

They _all_ had no idea. Least of all, Roy.

But why would he know? She was just his subordinate, nothing more.

No matter how much he’d hoped that would change.

He’d loved her for years and yet he hadn’t been able to figure this out, pick up the signs?

She still never left the office early, always waiting for him to finish his paperwork. He’d been a notorious procrastinator in his younger years but now, as a General, he’d buckled down and motivated himself to push forward. After all, the sooner he hit Fuhrer, the sooner he could admit to Riza how he’d felt for years.

She’d put up with his crap for too long. He was too slow. That’s how this happened.

“A couple of months ago,” she admitted.

“ _Months_?”

 _Months_.

Riza nodded. “Yes. We’ve been seeing each other for a few months. We were in the academy together and have kept in touch ever since. I met him in the hospital again while returning for check-ups last year. He asked me out of a coffee to catch up, we got to talking and now… Here we are,” she beamed.

She’d been returning for check-ups on her neck? Was everything okay?

And… Had he been reading the signs wrong for all these years?

It was too late to ask her now.

“What’s his name?” Catalina demanded. She was leaning forward in her chair, desperate to drink in as many details as possible. She was in the academy with Riza, so was Havoc – who Roy also noted was suddenly very interested in who this mystery man was – so of course they would want to know who it was.

“Do you remember Eric Larsson?”

“The tall, blonde, hunk we used to obsess over,” Catalina practically slavered. “Oh, Riza, you lucky thing!”

“Hey,” Havoc protested with a frown.

“Sorry, honey, but this guy was something else.”

“I know. I was _there_ , in case you had forgotten.”

“Eric Larsson,” Catalina repeated, her tone taking on a dreamy quality as she stared into space with a happy smile. Havoc just grumbled to himself. “You finally landed him, huh? Well, luck you!”

Breda shot a quick look at Roy, who pretended not to notice. It was no secret with the men how he felt about Hawkeye. Not now anyway. He’d been told it was blatantly obvious how he felt about Riza, but clearly it wasn’t obvious enough.

* * *

“Sir, I’m going out to the deli on 5th Street for lunch. Would you like anything brought in?” Hawkeye asked, poking her head through the door to his office.

“No, thank you, Captain.”

“Okay. Enjoy your lunch, sir.” The closed behind her and Roy dropped his pen, brooding. Riza had only just recently begun to leave HQ for lunch by herself, and Roy supposed now he knew why. All these little things, these little changes he’d noticed, were all beginning to add up.

Deciding not to dwell on it too much, lest his mood go into decline once more, Roy turned in his chair, overlooking the courtyard. He was sulking already, and everyone knew it.

Riza was well within her right to date and marry whoever she wanted. She owed Roy absolutely nothing. Even if she thought she did, he would dismiss it. He’d brought her too much sorrow in her life.

But it didn’t mean he had to like the fact that she was with someone else.

Movement caught his eye and he looked, seeing Riza hurrying out from the entrance to HQ. A man with sandy blonde hair was waiting for her, grinning. He extended his arm, offering Riza his hand. She took it and kissed him before they both fell into step together. Roy felt his chest tighten, his stomach ball up uncomfortably.

He turned back around in his chair. The movement was more violent than intended. Storming of the empty office he left to go the mess hall to join the rest of his team.

He didn’t need another lunch break sitting alone in his office.

* * *

He kissed her.

It was the dumbest idea. It was the _stupidest_ idea. She was dating _someone_ _else_ and he had the bright idea to kiss her.

He always had been a dumbass.

But, for the briefest moment, she melted against him. She sighed softly – almost moaning in his mouth – her lips moving against his, and for one moment in his life, Roy was happy. _Truly_ happy.

They were out at Christmas’ new bar, enjoying the grand opening. It was Friday and Roy needed the night to drown his sorrows after the week he’d had. Riza had left rather quickly and he – in his infinite wisdom – followed her to the stock room through the back. It was dark, her voice was quiet, and she sounded upset, but he didn’t know what about.

So, he seized the opportunity and –

He kissed her.

Riza shoved him off her.

“ _What_ are you doing?” she growled angrily, fire blazing in her eyes.

“I –”

“You had your chance,” There was a hint of wetness in her eyes. “You had it and you blew it,” she seethed. “Don’t come running to me _now_ only because you can’t have something you want.”

“Riza, I’m sorry –”

“No, you’re not,” she shook her head, hugging her arms close to her as her fire died down, put out by the water falling from her eyes. “You couldn’t possibly be. If you were, you would have asked me years ago. But you didn’t. I’m tired, Roy.” She met his gaze and her tears begun to fall. “I’m tired of waiting for you.”

He wanted to reach out and hug her, comfort her, but that wasn’t his job anymore. She had someone else to do it, and Riza wouldn’t want Roy to do it either. He was the reason she needed comforting in the first place.

“Please, just –”

She shook her head. “No.”

Riza turned on her heel and left the stock room, leaving Roy in the dim light to think about how he’d made the biggest mistake of his life.

He was unsure of how much time had passed. It stretched on for eternity before him, his future laid out before his eyes.

Cold, empty, and without Riza by his side.

“Mustang?” he heard Havoc call into the room. “You still in here?” He sounded pissed.

“Over here,” he replied, voice thick.

“What the hell are you doing, man?” he asked. He _was_ pissed. “We saw Riza leave in a hurry. What did you do?”

“I…”

“ _Roy_.”

“I kissed her,” he whispered sadly.

Havoc blinked in surprise. “You _what_?”

“I kissed her.”

“ _Why_?”

“I… I have no idea.” He was an idiot, that’s why.

“You don’t get to toy with her like that, Mustang,” Havoc growled. “She’s been waiting for years for your sorry ass and when you can’t have her, you go and do something like that? Think how that must make her feel!”

“Like shit?” he asked, his on eyes flashing at Havoc. He knew exactly how it felt because he felt the same way too.

_But the world doesn’t revolve around you, Roy boy. You know this. So, why push her to a point like that? It’s cruel and unfair. She’s happy and you’re trying to blow it for your own personal gain._

_Bastard._

“Come on,” he barked, grabbing his upper arm. “You’re going to apologise to her.”

“Havoc –” he began, feeling very tired.

“Shut the fuck up,” he hissed as they stepped into Christmas’ bar. One look at the two and the Madame knew exactly what had happened. Nothing got passed her, especially not in her own bar. She frowned at him, pursing her lips. Oh boy, she wasn’t happy. “You’re fixing this because you owe Riza that much.”

“What the hell did you do, Roy boy?” the Madame demanded as soon as they were outside in the cool night air. “Riza left here like a bat outta hell.”

“He kissed her,” Havoc replied for him, tone sour.

“You don’t get to play with her like that –”

“Can you save it?” Roy asked. “Havoc has already given me that lecture and I’ve already told myself that in my head.”

“Cut the attitude, Roy,” Christmas barked. “You will hear it a third time and you will hear it from _me_. That poor girl has waited for you to make a move or years. Granted, you had laws that prevented you both, but there was nothing against telling her. You could’ve done that, but you _didn’t_.”

“I told her!” he shouted in the quiet night. The other two stood quietly as they watched him, the outburst unexpected. “She knows how I feel. Always has. It’s never changed.”

“When?”

Roy paused, unsure of whether he should tell them or not. Havoc was unaware of his time in the Hawkeye household. It was an automatic reaction to hide that information, but this was Havoc. And, the Madame obviously already knew.

 Roy told himself “ _fuck it_ ”. At this point, it didn’t matter anymore.

“When we were kids,” he admitted.

“Kids?” Havoc asked, confused.

“Teenagers. I studied under her father. I left for the military and left her behind – the second biggest regret of my life.”

“What’s the first?” the Madame asked carefully.

Roy took a deep breath, finally admitting how he felt.

“Not telling Riza I still feel the same way now.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I put it off. We had time. Silly, because life has taught me that everything can be ripped from me just like that.” He snapped his fingers to demonstrate. “I got complacent because the threat was gone after the Promised Day.” He turned his gaze up to sky, gazing at the stars. “You know what? The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes after the Promised Day was her,” he stated wistfully. “Doctor Marco asked me to look at him, but I couldn’t. I lied and said I couldn’t see, but all I saw was Riza.” Marco had asked him to close his eyes again while he used alkahestry to search the sockets to check the nerves were all connected. When Roy opened them again, he told the truth. He could see again, and it was beautiful, staring at Riza who was looking on anxiously. “I didn’t want it to be him. I wanted it to be her.”

“Roy?” A familiar voice called to him uncertainly. His eyes closed. _Damn it_. He had no idea she’d been listening.

Roy placed his hands in his pockets, half turning away from the three people staring at him. The Madame with a knowing, satisfied, look on her face, Havoc looking very surprised, and Riza. She was staring at him with an odd look on her face, like she didn’t quite believe his words and wanted him to tell her it was true.

Or that it wasn’t true.

He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t hurt her again.

His back straightened and he schooled his features into a mask. “Captain Hawkeye,” he greeted formally, removing himself emotionally from the conversation as Havoc and Christmas looked between them both. “I apologise for my behaviour. It was inappropriate and I do, honestly, regret my actions.” _Regretted not doing it sooner_. _Regretted how it made you feel_. “I understand if you no longer wish to work with me. On Monday there will be a stack of transfer papers on your desk.”

“Mustang –” Havoc interrupted, realising this was not going in the direction he anticipated.

“The last thing I want is for you to feel uncomfortable in your place of work. You can decide what you wish to do with them. Goodnight.”

He turned and walked away, ignoring the Madame calling out his name.

* * *

Never in his life had he felt so lonely.

He’d lost everything. The love of his life, his soulmate. Riza must have felt the same way at some point. She’d been “waiting for him” after all. And he’d blown it, taken too long, so she had sought out someone else to comfort her, love her. He _wished_ it could be him, but it wasn’t meant to be. He didn’t believe in fate. Fate wouldn’t have given them the life they’d had, but he and Riza obviously just weren’t meant to be together in that way.

“ _I’d follow you into hell if you asked me to_ ”. Well, this was hell all right, and he was here alone. He’d caused this, it wasn’t her fault, but this was where he belonged.

Alone.

No one came after him. The Madame had called his name, but she couldn’t leave the bar unattended. Plus, he’s been an idiot and wouldn’t be surprised his foster mother took Riza’s side on this. The Madame had always liked Riza.

Havoc had known Riza longer, they’d been in the Academy together, so Roy knew his loyalties lay with her. Plus, the whole team was aware of the shit he’d put Riza through. If Roy was them, he’d pick Riza over their CO as well.

His apartment was cold and uninviting when he entered. It was times like this he wished he had a dog. Someone to greet him when he came home. At the thought, an image of Hayate popped into his head and Roy brushed it aside. That reminded him of Riza.

Sitting on his bed, Roy stared into space as he ran over the events of the night in his head.

 _Why_ did he kiss her?

 _Because you wanted to know what it felt like one last time_.

They’d been together as teenagers. They’d slept together. That night of her father’s funeral Roy had whispered his promises and declarations of love against her skin. They still stood true to this day.

He wondered if Riza remembered any of them.

She’d been pissed when he’d left her again. Roy knew that. Perhaps that’s why she had ignored his words.

All through her life he had let her down and hurt her. She was wise to find someone else and leave him behind.

* * *

Monday morning came and Roy entered the office looking like his usual self – which nowadays looked brooding and miserable – holding his breath to see if there would be signed transfer forms on his desk or not.

His stomach dropped when he saw them sitting there. He closed the inner doors to his office, blocking out the rest of the team who looked on with their familiar looks of concern.

Dread prickled over his skin as he rounded the desk.

They were unsigned.

He let out a breath of shocked relief.

 _Selfish bastard_.

The knock on his door drew him out of surprise. He squashed down the hope. What he’d done was inexcusable and didn’t warrant hope. _Riza is happy. Without you. Remember that_.

“Good morning Captain,” he greeted professionally despite the knot in his stomach.

_She didn’t sign them._

“Good morning, sir. Could I request a minute of your time?”

“Of course. Take a seat,” he gestured towards the chair in front of his desk. The doors closed quietly behind her.

Riza took a deep breath as she composed herself. Her hands were folded in her lap, her posture perfect. The way she was holding herself, it was controlled.

“I was wondering if we could talk. Privately, after work.” There was a fire in her eyes that showed she was pissed. Roy sighed. He had a lot of work to do and was unsure why she was dragging this out to be longer and more painful than it needed to be. She could have signed the transfer papers and be done with him. She could have moved on with her life.

“If you wish,” he replied carefully. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but now he wanted to know _why_ she was dragging this out and why she hadn’t signed those papers. He had a rough idea but wanted to hear it from Riza herself.

“My place? After work?”

So, it really was to be private. Probably to avoid a public shouting match.

“I don’t think that’s wise, Captain, given your new social circumstances.” Her jaw locked.

“I don’t have a problem with it, sir,” she replied. Roy could almost hear the hint of sourness in her tone. “It’s my apartment, after all. Not Eric’s.”

“Of course. I apologise for the assumption. Would you like a ride home?”

“That would be lovely, sir. Thank you.”

“No problem, Captain. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“That will be all, sir.” She vacated the seat and saluted, not quite meeting him in the eye.

She was pissed.

Probably about the transfer papers.

Whoops.

Too bad he couldn’t really bring himself to care at this point.

* * *

“ _Transfer papers_?” Riza stressed as soon as they were in the comfort of her own home. “Really?”

“I gave you the opportunity to get out, should you want it,” Roy explained, taking a seat on an armchair by the fire. Hayate hopped up on his lap and breathed in his face. Well, at least someone in this house was happy to see him. “How I acted was inappropriate and I would have understood if you didn’t feel comfortable working with me anymore.”

Riza blinked at him, seemingly surprised by his thoughtfulness. Then the hard tone was back. “Regardless,” she stated, entering her bedroom to get changed. He banished the thought of her undressing from his mind. God, she had no idea the affect she had on him. “When I signed up to work with you, I made a promise and I intend to follow it through to the bitter end. Don’t assume that I would brush you – _or_ what I did in Ishval – off like that just because of your idiotic actions.” She fell quiet and Roy heard the sound of fabric rustling.

She was right, as always.

Roy turned his attention to the room to try and distract himself from Riza undressing and wished he hadn’t. There was a tie neatly folded on the coffee table, a suit jacket draped over the chair by the table.

Eric’s.

There was a photo of them both. They were smiling and happy. Roy looked away. Then, he noticed another photo on the coffee table. It was of him. And Riza. They were young. This was taken at her house when he’d been a student. They were grinning, an arm around each other’s shoulders. Roy remembered this. Mr. Carson from the farm next door had taken it. He felt a pressure building his throat as he saw that photo. He hadn’t seen or even thought about that photo in years.

And here it was, sitting proudly on Riza’s coffee table next to a photo of her and her partner.

“I’ve always loved you, Roy, but I’m happy with Eric,” she whispered.

His head snapped around to face her as she entered the room again. She was a vision in grey sweatpants and a hoodie from the Academy.

The revelation confirmed his thoughts and he nodded, offering her a sad smile. “I understand.”

“I… I wanted it to be you but… Eric has opened me up to other things. And it’s nice… To be loved by someone who doesn’t know how much of a monster I truly am.”

Roy nodded, knowing the feeling. Even now, they were still haunted. It was expected, but it didn’t make it any easier.

“You are wonderful, Riza. Don’t ever forget that. And I would never take that happiness away from you. I just… I wanted to tell you how I felt. And I ended up showing you instead.”

Riza nodded, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink as she thought back to the kiss. Roy shivered minutely as he remembered her moan, her lips moving against his.

“Can… Can I admit something that you might hate me for?”

“I could never hate you, Roy,” she smiled softly.

Hesitantly, he stepped closer and grasped her fingers lightly in his. It felt so right to have them both entwined together.

“In that stock room I was overcome by the thought that I would never get the opportunity to do it again. The last time I kissed you I was eighteen years old – over fifteen years ago – and I wanted to do it one more time. Just in case I never could again.”

Riza was silent and offered him no other comment. He didn’t expect any either.

“It was dumb, it was inappropriate, it was selfish. I know that. But… I know “I couldn’t help myself” doesn’t justify it, but it’s true. I apologise for that, but you know I’ve always been an arrogant idiot,” he added, smiling sadly.

The corner of her mouth quirked up into a genuine smile.

“May I?” he asked, opening his arms.

Riza nodded and stepped forward into his embrace, holding him tighter than he thought she would. Roy responded in kind, holder her tight against him while a piece of his heart shattered at the acceptance that this would be the last time he’d ever hold her like this.

They had spent fifteen years already hiding how they felt about each other. What was the rest of their lives at this point?

It would be easy. It wouldn’t crush him. It wouldn’t shatter his heart in two to see Riza marry Eric. Not at all.

“I will _always_ love you, Roy. Don’t forget that.”

He chuckled to himself. It was fitting, really.

“And I, you.”

He kissed the top of her head, giving her one more squeeze before he let go, driving the final nail in the coffin that was their personal relationship.

All those years together… Well, at least he’d have them to look back on fondly. He’d been loved by Riza Hawkeye all this time, and he had loved her in return. Even without being able to show it or proclaim it to the world, it had been enough. More than he’d ever deserved.

“Anyway, I should get going,” Roy announced, stepping away to put distance between them, both physically and emotionally. “Thank you for giving me the opportunity to explain myself. I really do appreciate that.”

“Of course,” she stated. Roy had already turned away to pick up his jacket, but he noticed the hitch in her voice. He ignored it. He had to, because if he turned around, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from drawing her to him and holding her close, never letting go.

“Goodbye Captain. I will see you tomorrow.”

“Goodbye, Roy.”

He ignored the emotion in her voice, her wet eyes, and smiled as he turned away a final time. Roy nodded to himself as he stood on the landing, Riza’s apartment door closed firmly behind him.

So that was it.

It was done.

He would hold onto the hope that things might not work out in the end for them both, but he would never actively look forward to that point. After all, she was happy with Eric. He wouldn’t take that away from Riza. However, he promised himself that if the opportunity did present itself, he wouldn’t waste it again.

At least they could still work together. At least he still had that. He would still be able to see her, which was all he asked for. They wouldn’t be moving away. Riza had made it clear she still had a job to do while by his side. Roy had until he was Fuhrer then she would be gone. Well, that’s what he theorised. Her job would be done, so why would she stick around? _Their_ job would be done. Roy would make the changes necessary then be executed for his crimes. That was how things were supposed to go, and that’s what he had resigned himself to years ago. He didn’t deserve the happiness he would receive from being with Riza. Not after Ishval.

It was fitting that she would find someone else. After all, he was the biggest monster of them all, and deserved nothing.

Perhaps it was better he would never get the chance to find happiness with Riza. He would always love her, but getting the chance to be loved by her, to hold her, to kiss her… It would make his judgement day even worse. He would die aching for more time with the woman he had loved since he was a teenager. This way, he would die wondering what could have happened between them, but with the knowledge that he’d atoned for his sins and not enjoyed himself like he longed to after robbing thousands of their lives.

There would be nothing dragging his focus away from his judgement day. That was the endgame. Always had been, always will be.

Shoving his hands deep in his pockets, Roy turned and walked down the hallway and out of Riza’s personal life.


	37. harmless prank gone wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If you're taking prompts from the prompt list could you do Prompt 29 with ed, al, riza, and roy where ed plays a harmless prank on roy but it backfires and he has to fix it?" - Anon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little bit of royai, little bit or parental royai, little bit of you makes me your man

 

**_harmless prank gone wrong_ **

“Ha!” Ed shouted, startling Mustang as he walked through the door to his office. Behind him, Hawkeye was already drawing her weapon, a hand placed on Mustang’s shoulder to drag him out the way of this unknown harm. But Ed was too fast. He grabbed the rope, tugging it sharply. The pail that rested above the door fell, sloshing water everywhere. Some of it hit the Colonel – thanks to Hawkeye dragging him back – but Ed whooped in success regardless.

The pail fell to the floor, sounding like a gunshot going off as it hit.

“Brother!” Alphonse cried from behind them, anxiously shifting from foot to foot, his armour clanking as he moved. “What are you doing?”

“I got you!” Ed proclaimed, grinning wildly, but his smile faltered when he saw the look of pure terror on Mustang’s face. Even Hawkeye looked stricken. Why… Why did they look so terrified? It truly was a glorious sight to see Mustang drenched in water, but something didn’t sit well with Edward at all. The mood in the room had shifted and he got the feeling he’d just made a huge mistake.

No, he _knew_ he had.

The pail finally rolled to a stop, coming to rest by Mustang’s feet. He glanced down, eyes flicking up dangerously to face Edward once more – whose grin finally dropped.

“Clean this up,” Mustang growled, storming off without another word.

Edward stared after him, mouth open in shock. Why… Why was he so scared? Was he really _that_ terrified of the water? Ed laughed to himself in disbelief.

“… It was just a harmless prank!” Ed called after him. “Sheesh, way to get worked up about nothing!”

“This wasn’t funny, Edward,” Hawkeye scolded him, and he was taken aback by her glare. He felt incredibly small all of a sudden. Hawkeye wasn’t happy with him… That uncomfortable feeling increased tenfold. What… What had he done?

The Lieutenant turned and followed her superior, booted feet hitting the floor quickly as she hurried after him.

“Brother!” Alphonse hissed, entering the room and hurrying up to him. “You can’t do that to people!”

“Why not?” Ed scoffed. “He’s done _more_ than enough to deserve it.”

“Like what?” Alphonse cried. “Given us an opportunity to get our bodies back? Given us more freedom than any other superior would to continue our search? Given us _nothing but support_ from himself and his team?!” The room was silent as Alphonse finished his tirade. Edward stood there, stunned. Because, of course, he was right. Not that Ed would admit it. The Colonel was still a bastard that deserved everything he got.

He scoffed. “Al –”

“What were you thinking, also? You can’t do that to soldiers!”

“Why not?” Edward demanded.

“ _Think about it_ ,” Al stressed. “Think of his age.” He was an old bastard, that’s all Edward needed to know. “Think of all the major military incidents in recent years.”

Major military incidents? Nothing too major had happened –

Ishval.

Edward was only young when it happened but… The Colonel might have been old enough… Had he served there?

“Oh good, you’ve used your head for once,” Al snapped as realisation dawned on Ed.

“What has that got to do with anything? So what if he was in Ishval?”

“Shell shock, ever heard of it? PTSD? There’s a reason people say not to frighten or startle soldiers who’ve served in war like you just did.”

Edward felt his stomach tighten. Dread coiled in it, the gravity of his actions settling on his shoulders. This was bad. Mustang and Hawkeye’s terrified faces flashed into his head. Seeing that fear…

Oh… no.

He’d messed up.

Edward took a seat on the couch in Mustang’s office, suddenly feeling very heavy and miniscule.

“ _This wasn’t funny, Edward_.”

Hawkeye’s voice rang through his head.

He’d messed up big time.

* * *

“Sir?” Roy heard Hawkeye called to him. His grip on the porcelain tightened, eyes closing. His head was already bowed, shoulders hunched, hiding from his reflection.

Even to this day it was still hard to look at himself in the mirror.

“This is the men’s room, Hawkeye,” he replied weakly. He tried to make his voice stronger, but it didn’t work. Not after that flashback. His knuckles were still white as he gripped the sink’s edge. If he gripped it hard enough, he could _just_ keep the panic and his demons at bay.

He knew Edward didn’t intend to cause this kind of reaction. It was harmless, however when that stupid pail had fallen it had been so loud. It had echoed like the gunshots did in Ishval, the sounds bouncing off the buildings in the deserted streets. He’d been transported back there momentarily, and apparently Hawkeye had too. Based on her own reaction, Roy knew she had.

The issue wasn’t entirely the sound itself. They’d both heard echoed gunshots after Ishval. It was the surprise that had caught him off guard. The shock had left him disorientated, too confused to remember where he was. Couple that with that sound of that pail hitting the ground, it had unfortunately taken him back there.

“I’m well aware of that, sir, but this is more important.” He sighed. Turning, Roy rested against the sink, crossing his arms. “Are you all right?”

“Will I ever be?” he retorted, smiling sadly at her.

Hawkeye reached out and gripped his hand tightly, giving it a squeeze. Roy let her gently but firmly remove it from his chest, their hands swinging in front of them, still joined. “I know.

“He didn’t mean it,” Hawkeye stated softly.

“I know he didn’t,” Roy sighed. “I thought I had a better handle on it than I did.”

“So did I,” she admitted, giving his hand another squeeze. Silence filled the room as they stared, lost in their own thoughts and memories of their time there. In order not to startle him, Hawkeye spoke softly, giving his hand a gentle tug to get his attention. “Shall we?”

“Yeah,” Roy sighed. “Let’s put him out of his misery. Although, I don’t think he’ll give a shit about my reaction. I heard your tone. Scary stuff, Hawkeye.”

“It was warranted, sir,” she replied sternly. Roy chuckled. “What’s so funny, sir?”

“Nothing,” he smiled. _You’re acting like their mother_. “Let’s go.”

Edward jumped up from his chair when they entered the office. He looked anxious, wringing his hands together. His clothes looked damp, patches of water covering his coat. The carpet at the door was sodden, but nowhere near the puddle it had been when they left. That damned pail was nowhere to be seen.

“Colonel?” Edward’s voice was nervous. “Hawkeye? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to –”

“It’s all right, Edward,” Roy reassured him. After all, he was only fifteen. What did fifteen-year-olds really know about the world of war? Although he grew up in the east and was affected by Ishval – their childhood friend’s parents had died in the war – and had no doubt grown up hearing about the impact of it, they didn’t _really_ know what had happened. No one did, unless they were there. “Thank you for cleaning up the water.”

“I didn’t mean to startle you and Hawkeye, I only meant to play a dumb prank.”

“It’s okay –”

“It’s _not_ okay!” he cried. Roy was taken aback by the ferocity of his claim. Ed’s fists were clenched by his sides, his eyes cast downwards. “It’s not okay,” he repeated, voice calmer than before. “I didn’t realise… I didn’t realise you’d both fought in the war.” His gaze lifted, expression determined. “I… I only heard snippets when we were younger. I know it was… bad. But I didn’t think and for that, I’m sorry.”

“Thank you, Edward,” Roy stated, his gratitude sincere. Although, his stomach did tighten. What would he think of them once he found out the truth, their real part in the Ishvalan war? Still, Roy was grateful. It made him oddly proud that the young man who berated him, called him a bastard on a daily basis, could open himself up like this and acknowledge when he was wrong, and apologise to a man he supposedly hated.

He was growing up.

“Um, yeah. I’ll… go get more rags for the water –”

“Leave it, Edward,” Hawkeye commanded softly with her winning smile. “Honestly, it’s fine. I’m sure you have more important things to do, like researching how to reach your goal.”

Edward looked between them both, before turning to face Alphonse. “Yeah… Right. Okay.” He sheepishly left the room, his brother following dutifully behind.

Roy smiled as he lifted his pen and begun to work, overhearing a part of the conversation between the two brothers.

“Well done, brother. I’m proud of you.” Then, the sound of metal hitting metal, followed by a loud protest from Edward. “Now, no more stupid pranks! You’re fifteen years old,” Alphonse scolded. “Act like it!”

“Al!”

Hawkeye chuckled as she closed the door behind them, returning to her own desk. What she didn’t notice, was how Roy held his pen slightly tighter than usual, taking even and calculated breaths as he tried to regain control of his emotions and his demons. What Roy didn’t notice was how she briefly closed her eyes by the door once it was closed, taking a moment to compose herself before walking stiffly back to her desk.

Because even though Edward had apologised, the things that haunted them would never go away. They weren’t invincible just because they’d survived the war. They knew that. But they were here and tasked with righting the wrongs they’d caused. Nothing they ever do will bring back the people they’d murdered, but that was why the endgame was to be tried for their crimes. They were willing to die once every part of Roy’s plan was set in motion. It was only right after what they did.

But that wouldn’t happen until after the boys were safe, happy, and back in their own bodies. Both officers knew they wouldn’t get the freedom they have now with other commanding officers. Plus, they had to protect their secret

However, along with this fierce protectiveness, came another emotion. They cared for the boys. Riza often thought of them as her own, but that was when she let her guard down and the thought popped into her head. She would scold herself, telling herself she didn’t deserve to think like that after Ishval.

Roy was just as protective of them. Every time a General would pass by, enquiring about the youngest State Alchemist they military had ever employed, Roy would charm his way into fabricating a lie, stating that Edward was off on military business, not running around the country searching for a Philosopher’s Stone. He couldn’t tell them the truth because that was a personal errand – it wasn’t military business. Also, the stone may not even exist – so it would be seen as a waste of military time. Roy felt – and knew – he had to shield them from the top brass. Especially Alphonse. They would want to test him, maybe even punish them both for what they performed. Roy wouldn’t let that happen so long as there was breath in his body.

Both quietly returning to their work, they lost themselves in their thoughts. There was one which dominated both their mind. They both dreaded the day the boys would find out the truth. Not for their sake, but for Edward and Alphonse’s.

**Author's Note:**

> if you want to send a prompt either comment/pm or send me an ask on tumblr (fullmetalscullyy)


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